Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I BU telling a woman not to speak to my son?

682 replies

Spinoni · 06/08/2019 13:37

I realise I might be. But in the moment I was so annoyed.

In Sainsbury’s with DD 8 months and DS4
Son wants to go down toy isle- we don’t often to to Sainsburys so he was overly excited. As all 4 year olds are while looking for toys!

Go to the isle, he is looking and I noticed the ‘ boy ‘ toys were down the next isle.
By boy toys I mean toys I know he likes toys he has toys he’s into and toys that are quite frankly marketed at boys.
Me - ‘ ooo look DS name the boys toys are over here ‘
Interfering woman down isle to my son - ‘ you know you can play with whatever you want let your mummy know that ‘

FIRSTLY I was annoyed that I’m not ‘ forcing ‘ him to ‘ boys ‘ toys. It’s stuff I know he wants.
SECONDLY why even say anything?

The thing I massively regret is saying anything.
I said pardon?
And she replied ‘ Sorry it was just the way you said boys toys - when he can play with whatever he wants he shouldn’t be told their just for boys ‘

I replied probably not too politely telling her to mind her own business and I’ll parent how I want to and walked away.
And I could then hear her and another customer talking about me saying how rude I was ?
Was I BU?
I feel mortified I just was angry that something I said was interpreted as me forcing my son into something it’s ridiculous

OP posts:
user1493745743 · 07/08/2019 20:18

There was nothing wrong in saying ‘boys toys’. It was one random comment heard by a stranger and she immediately judged your whole parenting ways, as are people on here. No one knows what you are like with your son or what you teach him! As long as you are happy in your choices and he is happy and healthy-no one else’s views matter.

Littlejets · 07/08/2019 20:25

Of course I've influenced her, but not her toy preference, she has equal amounts of blue toys and pink toys, she has superhero puzzles and princess puzzles. She wanted a Captain America costume the other day then spotted the pretty pink princess dress and decided that was more to her liking (I actually wanted her to get the Captain America costume).

Playmytune · 07/08/2019 20:41

Was just thinking all the posts on here shouting about gender equality and not having separate boy’s/male and girl’s/female sections, surely it’s time this site was renamed PARENTSNET

Catsinthecupboard · 07/08/2019 20:56

YOU WERE JUST FINE!!Flowers

You knew what toys he wanted. He's a boy. They were boy's toys.

She was a butt-insky who needed to butt out. She and her friend both.

Your son chose his favorite toys and that was perfectly fine!

Anyone who thinks that you're wrong should let me choose their clothes for them! Or let you pick out what food you think that they should eat.

We have freedom of choice. Children may pick their favorite toys, colors or clothes. They may be stereotypical gender specific.

They probably will be bc there are differences btwn sexes.

My dd was second child after ds. She could out skate and out swim or anything else the neighborhood boys got up to. But she LOVED pink.

I can still see her in her little pink outfits playing with the boys. Her choice. She wouldn't ever play with cars or anything remotely "boy," inside it was baby dolls and tea parties.

DS hated dinosaurs and construction toys. He spent hours on his cars. computer or outside.
He never touched a doll unless it was too throw it at his sister.

They both had fun outside together, playing games, building forts, fishing. They both cook and do their own laundry as young adults.

We didn't care who played with what, but they each often chose stereotypical male/female toys.

Every child has preferences and NOBODY should push them towards something as a political agenda.

That stupid woman was showing her bullying ways and if you had told her to mind her own (expletive) business, good for you!

And if it makes you feel better OP, these "woke" parents get REALLY annoyed when little girls beat their sons in athletic contests. It's amazing how equality of genders flies out the window when their sons lose to girls.

Our dd was extremely tall and athletic; the meanest people out on playing fields were mothers of slower sons.

Dd is shy and introverted and was only happily playing her best. She was never a poor winner. Trust me. It's not a two-way street.

liverbird10 · 07/08/2019 21:04

Both unreasonable.

Imbananas · 07/08/2019 21:29

OP I’m with you on this one. Don’t feel bad for telling her to mind her own business. If people don’t have something kind to say then they should keep quiet.
I found this pic a few days ago when I was in a similar situation to you. I think it summarises my thoughts exactly.

Was I BU telling a woman not to speak to my son?
Csleeptime · 07/08/2019 21:31

jux what a stupid post, firstly 'like everyone else' because every child stands up to their bullies? Get real. And secondly you know very little about a complex situation, and I was a scared child. I didn't know how to just get on with it, So don't judge something you know nothing about. Most ignorant post I've seen.

CassianAndor · 07/08/2019 21:33

cats what a load of garbage.

KatharinaRosalie · 07/08/2019 21:36

Not too long ago, pink was boys' colour and blue was considered suitable for girls as it was more delicate. So all those boys and girls who 'naturally gravitate towards blue/pink' respectively are gender-confused?

G5000 · 07/08/2019 21:37

Children may pick their favorite toys

yes, OP's son tried too, but OP informed him those were not suitable, because penis, and boy toys are somewhere else.

glennamy · 07/08/2019 21:38

YANBU - I would have said what you said and more... It was not hers or anyone else's business... Interfering old bint!

BarbariansMum · 07/08/2019 21:44

cats I hope ranting a load of crap has made you feel better. If I told you my ds2 also loved pink (he did) that kind of scuppered your theories.

Imbananas · 07/08/2019 21:45

WTH is going on ? Why shouldn’t there be gender specific toys? There are gender specific jobs aren’t there? 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️

IceRebel · 07/08/2019 21:50

There are gender specific jobs aren’t there?

Are there?

BertrandRussell · 07/08/2019 21:53

Can someone talk to me about gender specific jobs, please? Underwear model? Condom tester?

LolaSmiles · 07/08/2019 21:54

There are gender specific jobs aren’t there? 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️

No there are some jobs where there is a genuine occupational requirement for someone of a particular sex.

Eg. Girls' PE staff / Boys' PE staff / Worker in a women's refuge

Just like there are some posts where there is a 'genuine occupational requirement' for the postholder to have a particular faith.

How that links to the sheer stupidity of girls needing a pink tennis racquet and boys needing a blue one, Star Wars being in the boy section and Frozen being in the girl sextion, adventure books having 'for boys' written on them and the fairytale and fantasy ones having 'for girls' written on them etc is beyond me.

Imbananas · 07/08/2019 21:54

Are there?

There are...not many women working on a building site ( doing the heavy lifting I mean)
There are certain things that women can’t physically do ... I think people are too sensitive nowadays

Imbananas · 07/08/2019 21:58

@LolaSmiles right so there aren’t gender specific jobs but but jobs that require a person of a particular sex ... you just said the same thing 🙄

KatharinaRosalie · 07/08/2019 21:59

There are certain things that women can’t physically do

Like what? Sperm donation?

Imbananas · 07/08/2019 21:59

@KatharinaRosalie 😂😂 yeah that exactly 😂😂😂😂

KatharinaRosalie · 07/08/2019 22:01

I'm pretty sure it's possible to be a sperm donor later in life even if you have been playing with toy ironing board and pink unicorns when 5 years old though.

CassianAndor · 07/08/2019 22:04

I'd like to know what a gender specific toy is. What toys require either a penis or a vagina to play with them? Not children's toys, that's for sure.

BarbariansMum · 07/08/2019 22:04

Do a lot of children's toys require heavy lifting?

Imbananas · 07/08/2019 22:04

@KatharinaRosalie hhhmmm I think we were talking about what women can’t do?!
Of course boys can and it’s nothing wrong with boys playing with dolls but also there’s nothing wrong with boys playing with cars.

Imbananas · 07/08/2019 22:07

Some people on here respond for the sake of responding and not making a valid a point.

Why don’t you accept that not everyone can/wants to be gay/transgender and some people want to stay the way we were born?
I think the world is going crazy and normal is abnormal

Swipe left for the next trending thread