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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not give my newborn baby a dummy?

125 replies

MummyToBe89 · 06/08/2019 12:23

We are currently doing all our shopping for our first baby.

My SIL has been amazing and has provided us a list of things we need that we may not have thought of. On the list is a dummy.

I would prefer not to give my child a dummy as I've heard it's really hard to get them to stop using them when they're older. I know it sounds like such a minute thing but I don't want our baby not getting the comfort from a dummy if it helps, but also remember my little sister being a nightmare when my Mum took her dummy away.

Is it as hard as it sounds? WIBU to not give them one in the first place?

*also if anyone has any tips on things to buy that are often overlooked that'd be great :)

OP posts:
Chopchip · 06/08/2019 12:27

YANBU. You don’t have to use a dummy but just because you decide that now doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind.

I gave my first a dummy and it was really hard to wean her off it, think she was around 3!
I didn’t give one to my second, instead she used me as a human dummy.
I gave one to my third and he was less reliant on it than DD1 had been and self weaned off it before 1.

HatingTheBigShow · 06/08/2019 12:27

I exclusively breastfed, no need for a dummy when they have the real thing. I never gave a dummy and my child never sucked their thumb either.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 06/08/2019 12:29

First 2 love their dummy. Not an issue taking it off them. 3rd one refused one so she didn't have one.

Just look up the pros and cons. Then see how you feel.

BillywilliamV · 06/08/2019 12:34

I would keep one in reserve honestly. Any port in a storm.

Bobbindale · 06/08/2019 12:34

I didn't want mine to have one at all but relented a little and have found it helpful if used sparingly and not allowed it to be a habit. If he is really struggling to get to sleep or having a bit of a paddy in public I pop it in and take it out as soon as it's ok to. I just make sure I dont give in to it too easily and he is really not bothered about having it in himself but he will accept it happily enough.

KatharinaRosalie · 06/08/2019 12:35

It is absolutely up to you if you use dummies or not, use slings or not, do purees or BLW, use cloth or disposable nappies etc etc.

golddustwomen · 06/08/2019 12:37

I'd wait until baby is here then decide on dummy or not. Both of mine were bottle fed and both had dummies. My first was a very unsettled colicky baby and the dummy helped her lots. She stopped wanting it around 9 months and went on to sucking her thumb, luckily she grew out of it around 1. My second was a nightmare (still is haha!) he constantly wanted to suck and loved his dummy to bits but we weaned him off it when he turned 2. A lot of people I know were against dummies, I heard the phrase 'lazy parenting' a few times! They now all use dummies for their babies.

Fyette · 06/08/2019 12:37

I didn't want a dummy for the same reasons you described above. Four weeks of sleepless nights with a screaming baby who would not be soothed changed my mind - principles fly out the window in such a situation and at some point you are willing to try anything. And yes, we were stuck with it a long time. DD eventually 'self weaned' with a little coaxing - we had her 'give away' her dummy to her new baby cousin. No regrets.

Minai · 06/08/2019 12:37

Yanbu if you don’t want to give one. Ds1 had awful colic and a dummy really helped him. He needed to suck for comfort and as he was bottle fed I could bf him for comfort so a dummy was an enormous help. When he was 3 months we reduced the amount we gave it to him as his colic got better, he was fine and had no issues giving up. I think as long as you stop before they are old enough to get attached it’s not a problem but equally if you don’t want to use one yanbu

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 06/08/2019 12:38

DC1 was given a dummy in NICU whilst I was still on the operating table. Once out of hospital we were very strict on only allowing it at bedtime and removed it at 1yr with absolutely no problems.

DC2 we didn’t intend to give a dummy but at about 8weeks they found their thumb and we made the decision that a dummy would be easier to remove than a thumb. Again we’ve been strict on when we allow it but haven’t taken it away just yet although I think it will be quite easy because it’s barely been used.

I think there’s a time and a place for them and cutting them out needn’t be horrendous but I wouldn’t go ahead and get one unless you find you need it.

randomsabreuse · 06/08/2019 12:38

Didn't with my first, she found her fingers on about day 3, and I figured she could always find them in the middle of the night. Tried with DS after he used it when in hospital with bronchiolitis- not interested - sucking = food in his head!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/08/2019 12:38

i said id never use a dummy- panic bought one when i was breastfeeding non stop and thought my LO may just want the comfort- they never took it.

My only advice is dont assume, dont judge and see what works for you as and when.

Limpshade · 06/08/2019 12:39

Have it just in case. I'm not a fan of dummies but my reflux baby could not be soothed one night and I gave it a go. As it happens, she wouldn't take it, but if she had I would happily have abandoned my stance on dummies for a bit of sleep! The reason why I drove around for most of the night for a solid four months

LightDrizzle · 06/08/2019 12:41

I wasn’t keen on them. I bf my first and used to give her my little finger as newborn if I thought she was just sucking for comfort having emptied me.
She soon didn’t need even that.
With my second we tried one as a neonate as she had brain damage and poor mouth tone, so it would have great had she managed one.
I was happy my first didn’t have one, no drama with missing or dropped dummies. No trauma of relinquishing it. She didn’t suck her thumb or blankets either as it turns out.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with choosing to do it though, whatever works for you and your baby.
You don’t have to do what SIL did, but I wouldn’t bother mentioning it, people often take you diverging from what they did as implicit criticism. If she asks, say you will start out without and see how it goes.

ffiffi8 · 06/08/2019 12:41

I was the same but honestly she sometimes just wants to suck on something, she doesn't always want milk, the sucking reflex is also very important, she's literally screaming crying at the minute but has had a bottle only an hour ago! But she's wanting to suck so I give her a dummy when she's struggling to sleep to soothe her.... just wait until baby's born to decide but get some incase

TeamUnicorn · 06/08/2019 12:43

I was never, ever, ever going to use a dummy.

4 days old, middle of the night found be sterilising a dummy. The next was 2 weeks and the last 2 days.Blush

As it happens all 3 spat it out at about 3 months, with the biggest two replacing it with a thumb. (Middle one still there at 11)

It isn't a foregone conclusion, but don't waste energy on a whole load of guilt if you do like I did.

TillyTheTiger · 06/08/2019 12:43

I was against dummies as I was breastfeeding on demand and didn't want to miss any feeding cues. DS started sucking his thumb around 12 months and is still a committed thumb-sucker at 3yo. It is wrecking his teeth and I wish I'd have given him a dummy as at least those can be taken away.

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 06/08/2019 12:46

Lol I said I would prefer my baby not to have a dummy. After 6 weeks of absolutely no sleep, I relented. It gave her so much comfort (and she was EBF too, in case that matters).

When you become a parent you realise that a lot of the ideals you held about parenthood will change as they grow, and nothing is set in stone. You may have a baby that doesn’t need the comfort of sucking but if you don’t, it’s ok to change your mind. I would wait and see what kind of baby you have first, the shops are always open if you need something.

Tigerwhocamefortea · 06/08/2019 12:46

Before I had DC I was never going to use a dummy. But then he arrived and wanted to suck on my nipples 24/7 so I had no choice but to introduce a dummy. We have just taken it away at 2.9 years.

With DD I wasn’t against them at all but found she never needed one. She is a very content baby and rarely cries.

TwistyTop · 06/08/2019 12:49

It's up to you. If your baby does ok without one then there's probably not much point

newmomof1 · 06/08/2019 12:49

I'd get one just in case.

Our LO is 12 weeks and is not dependent on it at all but sometimes will use it to help her get to sleep (she's very good at self-soothing).

TheGoogleMum · 06/08/2019 12:49

A dummy can make life so much easier! Sadly my DD isn't interested. When out with other parent and babies and it babies cry they just put dummy in and all is well and I'm stuck trying lots of things to try to cheer DD up. I do appreciate at least I get to avoid weaning her off the dummy

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 06/08/2019 12:51

We didn't want to use one but when faced with a week alone with no support as DH away and a poorly 7 week old who wouldn't settle I quickly changed my mind!

JustMe81 · 06/08/2019 12:52

I didn’t want my little boy to have a tummy, then after weeks of constant feeding I thought I’d try him with one and he wouldn’t take it! It’s completely up to you if you want to try one or not.

mumderland · 06/08/2019 12:52

I didn't want either of mine having them but DS ended up in hospital for 2 weeks when he was born so the dummy was a comfort to him. I did end up buying a pack for DD just in case and I tried her once but she gagged on it, so she's never had one. She is a thumb sucker now though!
DS dummy "got lost" one day when he was around 2-2.5 and it never bothered him

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