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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not give my newborn baby a dummy?

125 replies

MummyToBe89 · 06/08/2019 12:23

We are currently doing all our shopping for our first baby.

My SIL has been amazing and has provided us a list of things we need that we may not have thought of. On the list is a dummy.

I would prefer not to give my child a dummy as I've heard it's really hard to get them to stop using them when they're older. I know it sounds like such a minute thing but I don't want our baby not getting the comfort from a dummy if it helps, but also remember my little sister being a nightmare when my Mum took her dummy away.

Is it as hard as it sounds? WIBU to not give them one in the first place?

*also if anyone has any tips on things to buy that are often overlooked that'd be great :)

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyToBe89 · 06/08/2019 14:59

Thank you all for your lovely messages. Being first time parents is so daunting, especially as both sets of our parents live a plane journey away so we're mostly going to be winging it ourselves.

I'd like to stress I'm not against dummies and definitely do not think it's "lazy parenting" I'm selfishly just thinking of the weaning :) I fully understand every baby is different.

I didn't think about the thumb sucking, so if I see that being an issue I'll maybe offer a dummy instead (If I haven't already cracked and given them one so I can get some sleep!)

I will also read in to the SIDS points which have been raised. I've never heard of this so will add it to my "research list".

OP posts:
20viona · 06/08/2019 15:06

I was absolutely adamant my daughter wouldn't have a dummy and I mean the most anti dummy person ever lol ...
12 days I lasted. She's 4 weeks old and sometimes she needs that comfort and it obviously saves my eardrums for half an hour. Soon as she's asleep I take it out.
Everything you say you'll never do when you have your baby you will rethink when they arrive.

PixieLumos · 06/08/2019 15:14

Completely your choice - yanbu at all, but I would keep an open mind. I thought the same as you before I had DC, and then three weeks after having I gave in to get some peace and help him stay asleep (I don’t see it as ‘giving in’ now, there’s really nothing wrong with using one.)

YouDoYou18 · 06/08/2019 15:16

In my experience it’s very baby led anyway... some babies suck for comfort and others really don’t! If your baby is a serious comfort sucker then you may find it difficult to not give a dummy in the early months but honestly it won’t be impossible!
And the things I ended up needing ASAP and not having were; snufflebabe nasal aspirator, metanium nappy rash cream and a baby sling! Congratulations :)

Nonnymum · 06/08/2019 15:21

A dummy is not an essential for a newborn unless they have breathing difficulties and the hospital recommends it. I've never used one for my babies. Just do what feels right for you and your baby.

tripletrouble · 06/08/2019 15:25

None of my three boys ever used a dummy. I used a finger in the mouth when they were very little.
Your choice - they are not compulsory!!

Cannyhandleit · 06/08/2019 15:36

Yanbu. Not all babies need/want them. My eldest never had one but he did find his thumb at 6 weeks which I think is more difficult to stop as I can't chop his thumb off. My youngest had one from very early (he was breastfed and no nipple confusion just in case that worries you) he's now 2.5 and still gets it at bedtime but that's it, hoping to get rid of them completely by his birthday.

RachelEllenR · 06/08/2019 15:38

I wouldn't get one just in case - you can go and buy one if you decide you want to try it. I didn't want to use dummies or formula so I didn't have either in the house (so it was a bit more of a decision rather than a rash one if I wanted to try). Didn't have the need for either.

If I'd felt my child had needed one I'd have bought one but glad I didn't.

lazylinguist · 06/08/2019 15:40

I didn't want to give my first dc a dummy and she sucked her thumb. It took ages to get her to stop, especiallyat night. My second dc had a dummy and we weaned him off it really easily.

Bouncer4me · 06/08/2019 15:48

I always said that we wouldn’t use a dummy with our daughter but now she’s teething I have one to give her when her gums hurt but plan on her not getting too attached hopefully 😀

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 06/08/2019 15:49

I was like you OP, never wanted DD to have a dummy but that was the first of many things I ended up doing that I said I wouldn't! Haha, it's all a learning curve and looking back I must of looked like the biggest hypocrite in my pregnancy for all the things I said I'd do/never do Blush

But IMO I'd buy one just in case but it's not essential.
DD had hers until 13 months, we went cold turkey as I couldn't be arsed pandering around it for the next x amount of years then having her walk around with one in her gob - It was a weeks worth of unsettledness but then she found comfort in her muslin cloth and would soothe herself by fiddling with the label instead.
If you're basing your decision on the difficulty taking it off them then don't worry, kids will find comfort in anything and can become quite attached very soon whether that be a dummy, cloth, item of clothing, soft toy or whatever. You could have a battle either way.

Good luck OP Smile

ColaFreezePop · 06/08/2019 15:51

We had dummies for my LO but she spat them out and settled on using her thumb. My SIL who had that issue with her children was horrified as that's harder to stop than using a dummy. Luckily at the moment her thumb random falls out of her mouth when she is asleep and she doesn't wake for hours to put it back in.

suckerforbrowneyes · 06/08/2019 16:13

BLOODY LOVED A DUMMY!

ChocChocButtons · 06/08/2019 16:14

Dummies are ok if used properly, only for sleep/nap time and taken away by 6 month to a year.

Ivysaurus · 06/08/2019 18:17

I would have one in case of emergency, we never needed ours till first set of jabs at 8 weeks, he was crying for hours then I had an idea to try a dummy and miraculously he went to sleep. Since then he's used it for sleeping mainly or sometimes for crying but not a lot, tends to pull it out himself he's not fussed. But yeah, some babies don't need one but one day you might be glad you had one in

Madratlady · 06/08/2019 18:22

I mix fed one child (no dummy) and ebf two (one had a dummy after spending 9 weeks latched on 24/7, the other decided she liked to suck her thumb at a few weeks old so no dummy required).
I’d decide how you feel based on your individual baby.

firstimemamma · 06/08/2019 18:28

My nearly 1 year old has never had a dummy and we've never been tempted. It's your baby not your SIL's so do as you please.

My MIL gave us a bottle warmer and told us we would 'have to use it'. We just politely accepted it and then never used it. Ds has never had a bottle.

Never cave in to pressure from family / friends / strangers. Good luck with the baby!

Siameasy · 06/08/2019 18:44

See how you get on
I was anti dummy - I think they are ugly for a start. All that went out the window when DD was having to stay under the light for jaundice and needed one for comfort. And wouldn’t take it😭

PhillipeFellope · 06/08/2019 21:56

See how you go. I'd recommend the MAM dummies Grin

Tips : if you want to breastfeed, get your baby assessed for tongue tie by a MW/HV/feeding specialist who is specifically trained to diagnose tongue tie. Preferably before you leave the hospital. It's easily missed and can completely fuck up your (and I hate to use the phrase but it's fits) "breastfeeding journey" and your tits. Grazed, bruised nipples are no fun.

Fruityb · 06/08/2019 22:02

I said no way before ds was born... he had one on and off but was never bothered. Then four month sleep regression hit and quite honestly once he settled with a dummy it made life a million times easier!! He has one to sleep with now and is nearly three. We’re working on getting rid of them soon but not till we’ve finished the attempt at potty training we’re going through. One step at a time....

I plan on leaving them on the tree for Santa worst case scenario. They stay in his bed all the time and he only wants one to sleep. If he was sucking it all day I’d be more worried.

It honestly saved my sanity when he was smaller.

MrsTeaspoon · 06/08/2019 22:17

It’s far easier to not use dummies if they are not in the house so don’t buy any. You can later if you wish. Every parent is different. I gave my eldest a dummy and spent months constantly waking to put the dropped dummy back in (after scrabbling around for it in the dark), we were both so disturbed. With all my other children I’ve not done dummies...they learn to sleep for hours which is so good for them and me! A couple adored a blankie, one a teddy, my youngest has found her thumb.
Tips on forgettable things: Milton liquid. Amazing stuff.

Pinktornado · 06/08/2019 22:37

We tried to give our DS a dummy but he wasn’t very interested and given that the advice is now to take them away at 6 months it didn’t seem worth trying to persuade him.

I’ve read that if you pierce a hole in the dummy then it’s not as fun to suck so babies give up, for if/when you’re trying to encourage your baby to stop.

MaryShelley1818 · 06/08/2019 22:40

After all the research on how much a dummy reduces the risk of SIDS I never even considered not at least trying to get DS to have one.
I’m very lucky he’s never been too bothered and at 20mths has one to go to sleep on a night then spits it out once he’s asleep. I don’t allow it during the day.

Loveislandaddict · 06/08/2019 22:44

It’s your choice whether you want to,use a dummy.

Personally, never wanted to use them, and neither dc used them.

fuckwitseverywhere · 06/08/2019 22:47

I got a pack of dummies in case we needed them. I'd prefer them to a thumb as you can take the dummy away. At 3am with a baby who wouldn't stop screaming I was glad I did.
We only used it for naps and bedtime, and got rid when he was 3.
Many people didn't know he had one because I didn't use it at other times. His teeth are fine and it saved us in the early days.
My advice is get a pack, it doesn't matter if you never use them but if you're desperate they can help