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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not give my newborn baby a dummy?

125 replies

MummyToBe89 · 06/08/2019 12:23

We are currently doing all our shopping for our first baby.

My SIL has been amazing and has provided us a list of things we need that we may not have thought of. On the list is a dummy.

I would prefer not to give my child a dummy as I've heard it's really hard to get them to stop using them when they're older. I know it sounds like such a minute thing but I don't want our baby not getting the comfort from a dummy if it helps, but also remember my little sister being a nightmare when my Mum took her dummy away.

Is it as hard as it sounds? WIBU to not give them one in the first place?

*also if anyone has any tips on things to buy that are often overlooked that'd be great :)

OP posts:

MilesHuntsWig · 06/08/2019 22:48

Do what you want, you'll prob change your mind on some of it when your baby arrives. I thought "no dummy", then after weeks of no sleep with a reflux-y baby tried to give her one, but she was having none of it anyway!

Dangermouse80 · 06/08/2019 22:49

Go with what works. I never intended to give a dummy. I previously thought "lazy parenting". All three have loved it, first gave up at 4 years (late I know). No bad impact upon teeth. Second doesn't really want it now so occasionally has it - 3 years, have already talked about giving it to the "baby bunnies next Easter". My just two year old likes to know it is there but has long periods without. In short - not worth worrying about. I never bought one before first baby but had some on standby for the other two. It visibly relaxed them so I saw no harm. Go with what works

AlexandPea · 06/08/2019 22:50

I was anti dummy. My 6 year old still sucks their thumb and it’s has effected the teeth. With hindsight, I wish I’d gone with the dummy.

1300cakes · 06/08/2019 22:52

I personally love dummies but they aren't essential so don't get one if you don't want. You can always pick one up at the time if you change your mind, it's not like they are hard to get.

kitk · 06/08/2019 22:52

I didn't want DD to have one, but after 5 days of no sleep, DP went out and bought one at a 24h supermarket and I got 4 uninterrupted hours. It changed my whole (new) life and DD quickly fell in love with her thumb and ditched the dummy. It's fine to not want one, but they're not the devil incarnate if you need them. Just have courage to stand by your reasons

Huntlybyelection · 06/08/2019 22:57

I didn't bother with a dummy for either child. Before they were born I thought they would end up just being s pain in the arse with trying to take the dummies off the child.

Then DD was born and I remember her being abkut 10 weeks old and really unsettled. It was a growth spurt (realised later) and I was advised a dummy would solve everything.

She refused it. Spat it out. Every time. I tried again a month or so later. Spat it out. Refused it.

Then when I had DS I tried after he was about 6 weeks old. Again, he wouldn't have it. I tried again when he was 4 months old as he was on meds with a side effect of night terrors and I thought a dummy may.soothe him. He refused it. Spat it out. Made him worse.

So end of all that is: the baby may not even accept the dummy. I'd maybe buy a 2 pack to keep and use if you think it might help. If not just bin.

It's not a big bad thing. But it's not essential either.

saraclara · 06/08/2019 22:58

No child of mine was ever going to have a dummy. But how I wish I'd had one in reserve. When the health visitor suggested/gave me permission to get one, I was at my wits end. DH had to make an emergency dash to get one on the way home from work, sterilise it, then finally pop it into our colicky baby's mouth. From that moment on, our little girl was a much happier baby, and I was a much better mother. She only had it when needed, though. I'm still anti kids having one in their mouth all the time.

Straightalkinggal · 06/08/2019 22:58

Dummies are disgusting dirty things and have no place in a babies mouth.

ElizaPancakes · 06/08/2019 23:01

I mean, it’s totally up to you whether you use them but it’s good to have them on standby.

Mine never took a dummy - the problem being that as I was the dummy it meant baby slept but I didn’t.

Dummies are disgusting dirty things and have no place in a babies mouth

They’re not and you sound like an idiot posting stuff like that.

MoreFrog · 06/08/2019 23:02

I never thought of buying dummies. I didn't have one, nor did my siblings or indeed any babies in my husband's family. It didn't lead to sucking thumbs either.

BobTheFishermansWife · 06/08/2019 23:03

I really didn't want to give mine one, but when the hv told me he wasn't constantly feeding he was on the breast for comfort and because he was being a cf, I went and got a couple of dummys to see how they went, he's very mood dependant with them, he'll take it, sooth himself and then spit it out and sleep for a couple of hours before his next feed. It let's me put him down and actually get on with stuff.

Winterlife · 06/08/2019 23:05

It's not difficult to get them to stop.

Our boys used them a little, but were mostly indifferent to them.

Our daughter was attached, and when she was about 16 months old, I took it away and hid it. I told her the garbage man came and took it away. She cried, but only the first night. After that, no issues. We still have it, and the little stuffed toy she slept with, put away for her.

yikesanotherbooboo · 06/08/2019 23:17

Wait until your baby is born. Mine didn't have dummies but I had 1 thumbsucker TIL aged 5 , a finger sucker to age 7 and one you used me as a giant dummy and breast fed until they were 4.
I have no great feelings one way or the other but stopping s dummy is much easier than stopping a thumb and some children really benefit from something to suck..?

Bambamber · 06/08/2019 23:45

My daughter never had a dummy, but I would always keep an open mind

FartnissEverbeans · 06/08/2019 23:49

Three benefits to dummies:

Research suggests they have a protective effect against SIDS.

If the baby starts sucking their thumb you’ll potentially have a bigger problem as you really can’t get rid of that. Thumb sucking can cause real issues with children’s teeth.

Dummies are a magical ‘off’ switch and might provide your baby with a lot of comfort.

I didn’t plan to use one either. Ha! Oh the plans I had before I had an actual baby and actual exhaustion to deal with

SleepingStandingUp · 06/08/2019 23:51

Dummies are disgusting dirty things and have no place in a babies mouth
Of course, this must be why hospitals give them to prem babies eh??

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 06/08/2019 23:54

Out of 3 dc only ds2 had a dummy. Think he had it at least some of the time until he was 3. Out of the dc he’s the only one who never needed braces! I’d keep a pack in reserve, you might not need it, but it can’t hurt.

superfudge · 06/08/2019 23:54

I would wait and see. I would have loved my DC to take a dummy to reduce his extreme distress, e.g. in the car seat, or when was distressed every evening. At least at three a child has understanding of why they don't need a dummy anymore...

ifoundthebread · 07/08/2019 00:01

With dc1 I bought every shape and sized dummy possible, I'm from a big family and all babies have had dummies, heard stories about only accepting certain shaped ones etc even bought glow in the dark ones for during the night. After dc was born it just never occurred to me to give her a dummy when she needed comfort, then when I finally did think of it, she wasn't interested. I tried all shapes and sizes and she wouldn't entertain one. So she never had one, she found comfort in her blankets, took until her 3rd birthday to find her special blanket. Dc2 I thought I've done it once no dummies I can do it again, so didn't buy any - wrong! He had severe reflux, was eating to trying comfort himself making him be sick more, making him need more comfort and wanting a bottle - the cycle repeated, it was awful. In the set of bottles I bought was a dummy, I didn't know what else to do so I gave him it and it was like a miracle, he managed to calm down, get comfort and not vomit everywhere. I made my dp go to asda at 2.30am and buy a few sets of them dummies as a back up. Luckily Dc2 wasn't interested in the dummy after we sorted out the reflux with awful milk concoctions, he too now takes comfort in a blanket that was dc1. Honestly if I was to do it again, I'd buy a dummy. You don't have to push it onto your child, but some times needs must - it's not the end of the world if it doesn't go to plan of not using one.

Dogdogcat · 07/08/2019 00:06

My DS didn't really use one until about 9-10 months when he started grinding his teeth. It was really loud and he seemed to be doing it with a fair amount of force, so I though the dummy would be better than ground down teeth. I actively encouraged it at that point and now we have them everywhere - in drawers, in toys, in boxes...

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 07/08/2019 00:09

Never gave either of mine a dummy. Never even bought one just in case. I figured if I got to the point where I thought I needed one I'd have to get in the car to drive to buy one, by which time the crying fit would probably be over anyway.

LatteLove · 07/08/2019 00:11

I was determined I wouldn’t give mine a dummy, or bottle feed

Within a couple of days we were at the shops for bottles, dummies and formula lol

Mine were around 18 months when we ditched the dummies, it was quite straightforward

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 07/08/2019 00:18

I didn't want my first to have a dummy but he ended up in NICU and they said it was either formula or a dummy because I couldn't be there 24/7 as I needed sleep and he was "bullying" the preemies by screaming whenever I left.

He had it for the first 8 weeks and stopped no problems at all.

Dc2 has one at bed time (she's 14 months) purely because that's the only way I can get her to sleep without me. If it was a case of her falling asleep on me and then me being able to sneak off, I probably wouldn't have bothered but it's not. She's a very light sleeper unfortunately.

YourWinter · 07/08/2019 00:20

None of my three had dummies, I never had a moment of wishing I'd stocked up on some. Wait and see, you certainly won't need one until you're home with baby and have started going to shops again. Every supermarket and chemist has them, or you can get next day delivery online. Why worry about buying anything until you know you're going to use it? Good luck, relax and enjoy your baby!

HiJenny35 · 07/08/2019 02:47

I hate the look of a dummy but that's just a personal thing I don't like. Never had any at home so therefore couldn't give one. Never found we missed not having them. Researchwise it's still not clear, some studies say they reduce the rates of sids other say they increase the chances of slow speech and language development so very hard to wade through the studies. On balance it's really it's just up to your preference.

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