to not give my newborn baby a dummy?

[MummyToBe89]

We are currently doing all our shopping for our first baby.

My SIL has been amazing and has provided us a list of things we need that we may not have thought of. On the list is a dummy.

I would prefer not to give my child a dummy as I've heard it's really hard to get them to stop using them when they're older. I know it sounds like such a minute thing but I don't want our baby not getting the comfort from a dummy if it helps, but also remember my little sister being a nightmare when my Mum took her dummy away.

Is it as hard as it sounds? WIBU to not give them one in the first place?

*also if anyone has any tips on things to buy that are often overlooked that'd be great :)

Never say never. We were dead against a dummy when our DS was born and hadn't really looked into the pros/cons of it all so never even bought a dummy originally but we couldn't BF so had to bottle feed and the dummy helped the little ones tummy settle after feeds sometimes.

There are pros and cons for using them so read up on it so you can make an informed decision.

We don't give the dummy throughout the day and night just at certain times when it is required so I wouldn't 100% rule it out but at the end of the day it is your choice so don't feel pressured by others on your decision whichever way you decide to go.

each to their own.
we never needed them with our 2 but i know for friends of ours it was a life saver.
I did try with DS1 a couple of times but he spat them out everytime.

DS1 had a dummy until he started proper teething at about 9 mo, when he just didn't want it any more. DS2 and DS3 were offered dummies, but didn't like them, so that was that. None of them sucked their thumbs. But suprisingly, I did suck my thumb and a dummy at the same time, according to my DM, and I now actually have a deformed thumb that the GP puts down to thumb sucking

None of my 3 had dummy's (all were breast fed). Eldest had a comforter in bed to help him settle. All self settled. I used a routine so they knew what was happening from being 6 weeks old.

YANBU in itself but it depends what baby you have.

Mine loved to suck so I found they were crying and I thought it was hunger so I’d make a feed. They’d barely drink any and just mess around/suck the teat so I realised then they just wanted to suck so gave them them

Don't rule anything out! Or in!

We were one of 'those' blinkered couples who thought we would have control and baby would abide......pah! Oh how wrong we were. We eventually sucked it up 🤪 and gave the screeching hyena a dummy. Ahhh the relief!

We did the same with the following 2 girls and none of them have teeth issues, slight overbite for the eldest but that's her jaw rather than teeth. (Unless dentist was placating me 😮)

I have friends who had similar ages and they were very proud, almost smug that their children didn't ever have a dummy. But. At least 3 of 4 still suck fingers etc, in public - aged 5 to 9

Honestly be as open minded as you can or you can possibly set yourself up for 'parental self disappointment'. If you make a set decision on something and then have to change you might feel you've let yourself down if that makes sense. And that with a newborn does not bode well. Be kind to yourselves.

Re what you need - you don't need as much as you think / are led on by consumerism.
You don't need an all singing all dancing travel system (that will to heavy to push/ lift in out of car) just a pushchair that's suitable from birth. Moses basket downstairs in day and take it upstairs at night helps when your not so mobile in first few days. Plenty of muslin squares, breast pads, nappies stock piled when on offer. A changing bag that you can carry leaving your hands free to pick up baby. A god send for me was a baby sling I could get on with jobs around the house when baby wouldn't settle and also if I went into the village shopping was easier to get in and out of shops.

I wouldn't make any decisions until the baby arrives. I didnt want to give mine one but in the end did to help settle to sleep. I was being used as the human dummy and was exhausted. I hated dummies but under estimated what it would be like to have an unsettled baby!

We got rid of it at 6 months which they recommend. He was too young to ask for it and quickly learnt to settle to sleep without it. He never remembered he'd had it so for us getting rid of it wasnt a problem. They are not all made the same though!

All three of my dses had dummies when they were babies - it worked for us, and when they were about 18 months old, we made the dummies just for bedtime/nap time, and then when each child reached about 2.5 (if I recall correctly - the youngest turned 22 this year, so it is a long time ago and my memory is not what it was ), we took them to a toy shop where they used the dummies to 'buy' a toy they wanted (and we paid when they weren't looking).

But that is what worked for us - you can only do what's right for you.

I do think that the posters who have advocated a 'wait and see' approach are giving good advice - and to be honest, that applies to a whole lot of parenting. We all have plans about what we will and won't do, as parents - and then our children come along and ignore the plans completely! They don't read the childcare books either.

Parenting is a 'flying by the seat of your pants' occupation. It is a good idea to make a flight plan, but you need to be flexible.

So if I were you, @MummyToBe89, I'd buy a couple of dummies - they are cheap, and if you don't use them, you can donate the unopened pack to a charity shop or a friend who is using dummies - but if you end up with a baby who won't be comforted any other way, you can try a dummy.

The one piece of baby equipment I have never bought or recommended, is a baby bath. I bathed my babies in the kitchen sink when they were little, and when they got bigger, they went in the bath - of course, when I had ds2 and ds3, ds1 was big enough for the proper bath, so I tended to just dunk the baby whilst the older one(s) were being bathed. I thought that was better than trying to fill and empty a baby bath. Plus the kitchen sink is at the right height for you to stand at it and bath the baby without having to bend over or kneel down, which I found easier.

I’d recommend getting one even if you don’t plan to use it - when they won’t stop screaming at 3am and you’ve tried everything else you might change your mind!

My first wouldn’t take one and we didn’t really try with my second but all babies are different

Nine of my DC had a dummy. All had blankets which I slept with for a few nights so they had the smell of me of and they all took to them. I think if you don't want to use a dummy that's fine, but do keep an open mind.

Yanbu.

I wasn’t keen on using one either. My mother nagged me into it, but I used it as an absolute last resort. He liked it until his teeth came in (a bit before 12 months old) and gave it up on his own. My second refused it but if he finds one, he chews on it, makes a face and puts it down 😆.

Mine had them. Didn't interfere with breastfeeding, no problems giving them up aged 2.5. My first had severe reflux and it was a godsend.
I think as with all parenting decisions, have an idea of what you want to do but don't rule anything out.

I didn’t want one with dd1. So she never had one until 5 months old. I can’t actually remember exactly why I gave it to her now but she must have been really unsettled. We had them in the cupboard the whole time as a gift from someone. I took them away at 2.5. She loved them so much

Dd2 had one pretty much straight away as I was quite ill for a few months after her birth and needed all the help I could get. Again she had so much comfort from them. It did start to affect her teeth though (never did with dd1) so took it away at 2. Her teeth are fine now and moved back.

I wouldn’t say definitely or definitely not but think it depends on what your baby is like and how much patience you have as I found them a quick fix a lot of times if I’m honest.

I had a dummy and apparently I gave it up when I was too without any issues at all.

My parents didn't want to give DB a dummy so they didn't, and he sucked his fingers until he was 15

When I was TWO*

My eldest never had one my youngest did. I suggest keeping one in the changing bag even if you never intend to use it. Why you ask? At 3am when your little one has screamed non stop for hours you may feel differently but no where is open to get one. Knowing it was there with my eldest meant if he got into a complete state it calmed me knowing that if it got to much I could reach for it(I used it once). My youngest I planned to do the same only he kept sucking his jumper. When I took the jumper off it was his thumb. He was only a few days old. I figured a dummy can be removed however removing his thumb would be considered child abuse. He had a dummy for sleep time. If he got upset as hurt himself he was allowed it for 5 mins max. We set an age of 1 and then after that if he lost a dummy I did not replace it. Never had a problem getting rid of them.

Be open minded. Rule nothing in or out at this stage. In the end you will do what works for you and your baby. There's nothing like a 24/7 screaming baby to make you willing to try anything.

Not all babies take to dummies. Many do, but not all. Of those who do then some are hard to wean off them and others aren't. Some even discard them themselves without any input from the parent (all three of mine did, and pretty early on too).

The only one I had any trouble with regarding dummies was my eldest. She didn't want her own dummy at all, but at the age of around a year old she decided that she did want any dummy that another child was sucking, and as she could crawl by then (pretty bloody fast too) she would go up and try to steal the other child's dummy. I had to be very on the ball with her in places like baby and toddler groups.

Yeah, if you have a ‘sucky’ baby, you can either give a dummy, or suffer with them endlessly faffing with bottle/breast.

I was adamant that PFB wasn't going to use a dummy. I gave in and it was a bloody relief tbh. So, yes, I'd have one in reserve.

Getting rid was easy (for us). He had a snotty nose at 10months so was compelled to breathe through mouth only. Hadn't reached the age of encountering a battle over it etc

It's totally up you. I didn't have them to start but tried it as Ione of numerous ways to soothe my lo and it worked. We sort of kept it to sleep times only and he gave it up on his own at about 8 months so no struggle. Try without, you can always change your mind. I know some kids get very attached but some (like mine) give then up on their own. I'd say don't rule it out (a bit like everything else people will suggest) but try your own way first.

YABU they are advised now to reduce sids risk.

Keep an open mind, buying it doesn't mean using it. I am fairly anti dummy and found myself trying them during nights. She wouldn't take it.

See how you go. My two never needed one, they preferred the boob. Every child is different.

It’s up to you if you use a dummy or not when me and my sister where babies our mum only gave us a dummy when we where upset or going to sleep once we had calmed down or fallen asleep it was taken back off us so it wasn’t difficult for us to give up something that we hardly ever had on the flip side of that though is my sisters little girl she was allowed to have a dummy constantly and she’s now 5 and still uses one to go to sleep.