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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not give my newborn baby a dummy?

125 replies

MummyToBe89 · 06/08/2019 12:23

We are currently doing all our shopping for our first baby.

My SIL has been amazing and has provided us a list of things we need that we may not have thought of. On the list is a dummy.

I would prefer not to give my child a dummy as I've heard it's really hard to get them to stop using them when they're older. I know it sounds like such a minute thing but I don't want our baby not getting the comfort from a dummy if it helps, but also remember my little sister being a nightmare when my Mum took her dummy away.

Is it as hard as it sounds? WIBU to not give them one in the first place?

*also if anyone has any tips on things to buy that are often overlooked that'd be great :)

OP posts:
JustMe81 · 06/08/2019 12:52

Obviously dummy not tummy, I’m very pleased he has a tummy.

Rumours0fAHurricane · 06/08/2019 12:52

Lol. Why not wait and see how you feel when the baby arrives and it's screaming 24/7? You may have a rethink

Lazypuppy · 06/08/2019 12:53

I always thought better a dummy you can take away instead of their thumb thatvyou can't stop them.

Honestly just have in reserve. Sucking offers baby's comfort, and i used it to stop my dd from faffing when breastfeeding. If she just wanted to suck she had the dummy, if she wanted to feed then she could

goldopals · 06/08/2019 12:55

We don't use one regularly as ours refuses it. We only really use it if he is cracking it on longer car journeys

riotlady · 06/08/2019 12:55

I hadn’t planned to use one but my very wise best friend bought me a couple to have in the house “just in case”. On night 4 of a screaming baby I decided I wasn’t so opposed to them after all!!

Not a problem if you don’t want to use them but I’d have one stashed away in case you change your min at 4am when the shops are shut.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/08/2019 12:56

4 out of 5 of mine had dummies. 1 sucked their thumb. 17 years down the line from last one being born guess which one still does it.

JammyGem · 06/08/2019 12:57

I agree with the others - have one just in case.

I was adamant that DD wasn't going to have a dummy. I had a couple of brand new ones given to me when pregnant, but had put them in a drawer never intending to use them. We managed about 2 months but one day when the HV came DD was crying and crying and nothing seemed to soothe her. It was the HV who suggested using a dummy. Out of desperation I gave her one, and she calmed down immediately.

Honestly, I wish I'd done it sooner. She's only 10 months but rarely needs it now, I just give it to her to help her get to sleep if she's a little unsettled, but she's also happy just to suck on her own hands! I think as long as you don't rely on a dummy and give it to them every time they make a noise, but instead use it as a soother when nothing else has worked, then they shouldn't be too reliant. I can only speak from personal experience though.

Millie2017 · 06/08/2019 12:57

I didn’t give either of mine a dummy because of pressure from my DM about the negatives associated with their use, but I did read myself that using a dummy can have a protective effect on SIDS in the first x number of months. Maybe read up about the pros and cons and then make a decision?

Dinolady · 06/08/2019 12:58

It's a lot easier to wean a child off of a dummy as opposed to their thumb...

SushiTime · 06/08/2019 12:58

All I remember is the dummies falling out through the night and not being able to find the bastard things. Get glow in the dark ones if you do.

chickenyhead · 06/08/2019 12:58

Only one of my 3 even took to it fully. Plus not all dummies are equal, mine liked clear ones like tommie tipper.

They really helped with night wind and discomfort as the sucking motion aided gut activity.

DelurkingAJ · 06/08/2019 12:59

I swore never...DS1 did not sleep (8 months never more than 90 minutes) so we tried...several...he spat them across the room.

DS2 I didn’t even try. We were used to no sleep by then.

Meh. I’d leave it for now and see how you go.

BridgeFarmKefir · 06/08/2019 13:02

Wait and see. No need to buy a dummy now if you don't want to use one. They're sold everywhere so you'll have no trouble getting one if you change your mind.

However a dummy is still useful if you do BF, to counter what someone said above. My DD was EBF and colicky. She would scream for hours in the evenings and have no interest in feeding. One night I put in a dummy and it was like magic.

She's 10 months now and he just use it for naps and bedtime.

Pancakeflipper · 06/08/2019 13:03

My eldest (13) sucked his thumb. And did throughout childhood. A harder habit to break than a dummy. We are embarking on orthodontic treatment....

Youngest had a dummy at night due to reflux as it comforted him and let me get a bit of sleep. It was easy to stop the dummy habit. I used to think negatively about dummies. I was an idiot. Be open minded.

SinkGirl · 06/08/2019 13:03

They can be very valuable in the right circumstances. My twins both had them in nicu and then weren’t interested when they came home. One was readmitted to hospital very unwell about 9 weeks old (only been there a week) and was absolutely inconsolable and they would barely allow him any milk as he couldn’t breathe well even on high flow o2. The dummy was a lifesaver. I have photos of him swaddled up, swollen faced, dummy in - it was the only time he wasn’t screaming.

Once he was well and came home he lost interest again.

MissB83 · 06/08/2019 13:04

DS was EBF for 6 months and still BF now at nearly 18 months. I tried him with a dummy to settle him in the pram when out and about but he never took to it. They aren't essential. He gets his comfort from cuddles and boob!

timeforawine · 06/08/2019 13:05

Wasn't planning on using one but had one just in cases, did need it during the bad reflux stage, took it away at 15m old and she was fine, did it over Christmas while she was distracted by other people/sparkly things :-D

widget2015 · 06/08/2019 13:07

My first had a dummy to give me a break as otherwise he would've been stuck to me permanently (ebf). He had it until he found his thumb, so not sure about dummies as a means of preventing them sucking thier thumb. Second not interested in the dummy or sucking his thumb. So it might depend on your baby's preferences!

sheshootssheimplores · 06/08/2019 13:08

I didn’t give either of mine a dummy. I did get a bit of guilt though when I kept reading it could help prevent SIDS.

JudgeRindersMinder · 06/08/2019 13:08

Keep an open mind....neither of my kids took to a dummy - at one point I’d have given my right arm for dd to take one!
If baby looks like they’re going to be a thumb sucker I’d definitely try to get them to take a dummy-dummies can go but thumbs can’t!
I ended up having to wear braces in my teens due to thumb sucking when I was younger

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/08/2019 13:10

It never entered my head to buy a dummy. None of my siblings had used them with their children & both DM & DMiL had never used them either apparently. I don't remember a time when I say there thinking "oh God I wish we had a dummy". I think you don't miss what you never had.

Jent13c · 06/08/2019 13:10

It all depends on your child. I was never going to have a dummy but my baby got a lot of comfort from sucking and after 5 days of him wanting fed every hour for 45 minutes at a time he got a dummy. We have been very strict on him only having it for sleeping and it was a big comfort for him at nursery when I had to go back to work at 8 months. It certainly hasnt affected his teeth or sleep. I would say that it does make things like travelling easier if they do take a dummy.

Hope your baby is one that can manage without, I know a lot of my friends kids were but if not try not to feel sad about it. I felt so much guilt about him having a dummy but it's really not worth it!

Bourbonbiccy · 06/08/2019 13:12

It's absolutely not unreasonable to prefer not to introduce a dummy, I didn't want to either and I never did use one,however once your baby is here, don't nails yourself to the cross over it if you feel it would benefit you and your baby, use one as the last resort if thats how you feel.

MT2017 · 06/08/2019 13:14

We never had dummies (or thumb suckers) for any of ours.

But - our dentist always asks if DS2 had one, as his teeth look like he did.

Echoing everyone who says whatever you do don't beat yourself up about it, early motherhood is bloody hard enough without feeling like you are making shit decisions.

Do the best you can do and that will be great! Flowers

Buyitinbamboo · 06/08/2019 13:14

I know it's cliche but just see how you get on. I was anti dummy when I was pregnant and said no way would DD have a dummy. Until I spent a whole night with DD sucking my finger for comfort when she was 3 weeks old (before that it was a bottle and she would over eat and throw up so much), she only gave her dummy up last week and she was 3 last month!

It's one of the many, many, things I have learnt about me not being the parent I expected to be!

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