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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get fed up at being expected to dance at functions?

152 replies

SuzieSunshine · 06/08/2019 10:24

Silly really but I really hate dancing!! I have absolutely no rhythm and can't even wave my arms or clap in time to the music. I feel so self conscious about this that it ends up ruining my night. MIL in particular is one of those outgoing people who will stand over me, try to grab my hand and pull me up to dance. I said once that I had hurt my ankle and she 'danced' off back into the crowd. Why does she do this, every time. If I'd wanted to dance I'd be up there with the rest of them. Rather than go to places covered in bandages, which would be a bit extreme why can't she just accept that I DON'T WANT TO DANCE !! BTW I have told her, several times, already. I even had to ring up a theatre once to see if the audience danced during the show. I didn't go in the end because it was an 'all singing all dancing' show and I've been to concerts on my own, where nobody knows me so I don't feel any pressure to dance. :) I am actually laughing while I'm typing this as it sounds so trivial but it really affects me!!

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 06/08/2019 12:39

the only time I'm likely to have to dance is at weddings. At least half the time that's ceilidh-type dancing, which is easier because there are rules (anyone can manage strip the willow, but the eightsome reel can still fuck off). So I do that, although I hate it, because my husband loves dancing and is exceptionally good at it. Once the ceilidh band packs up and it's time for the disco, I usually remember that I have to go home now (livestock to care for, asthma inhaler left at home, whatever excuse I didn't use last time). I don't drink in public and even if I did there is no amount of alcohol that could make me want to dance in public.
Once or twice, I've been pestered to dance and said "Aye, in a minute, I just need to go to the loo first" and dashed off but eventually someone realises that nobody needs to pee that much!

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 06/08/2019 12:49

I hate dancing and so does my DH! We have a family wedding coming up soon and I am dreading the evening bit as I know people will try to get us to dance and I won't (neither will he!). Then we will get talked about for being rude or party poopers!

Wonkybanana · 06/08/2019 12:51

OP where's DH/DP while his mum is womanhandling you? Is he off on the dance floor too, or is he also sitting chatting? I'm not saying you can't fight your own battles, but if he's with you he should be reinforcing to his mum that Suzie is quite happy where she is.

Saddler · 06/08/2019 12:53

I agree absolutely OP

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 06/08/2019 13:04

I suggest you take a leaf out of (IRL dance-hating) David Mitchell's Mark (Peep Show) and try

the next time people persist in hassling you.

That'd stop 'em ever trying it again!
Grin

Socksontheradiator · 06/08/2019 13:04

I'm with you too, OP. I just can't face doing it. Easier as you get older to say no. It's so hard when you politely say no a couple of times, then they insist so you snap, and then you are being the unreasonable stroppy one.
I'll stop now as I feel a rant coming on Blush

BlueBuilding · 06/08/2019 13:05

I think the Dance Floor Draggers are probably the same people who try and force others to drink.

Have fun the way you want to and allow me to have my own.

GabsAlot · 06/08/2019 13:07

I get you op at weddings parties etc if i dont wangt to then elave me alone

never been to a show though where dancing was compulsory even we will rock you everyone stayed in their seats

SuzieSunshine · 06/08/2019 13:07

DP is usually propping up the bar and will dance when he feels like it. MIL is a lovely lady but just doesn't get that not everybody has to dance to enjoy themselves. From reading all the replies, I actually feel much better that I know that IANBU so will be able to be more forceful when I say 'NO - I don't want to'. It's such a daft situation and causes me so much angst but now I feel empowered!! Ironically I love watching Strictly and managed two lessons of Salsa dancing about 15 years ago, but no, I just couldn't do it so gave up!! Thanks for all of your replies.

OP posts:
ILearnedItFromABook · 06/08/2019 13:07

Why in the world would anyone care if someone else was dancing or not?! (Unless it were their own partner with whom they might presumably want to dance.)

I suspect some people see themselves in the role of drawing others "out of their shells", thinking (or pretending to believe) that the other people really want to dance but are too shy and just need a little encouragement. Hmm

I'd say it's fine to ask someone to come join in, but if they don't want to, they should leave you alone-- and if someone repeatedly declines, their friends and family should accept that it's not for them! It's rude to insist or act like you have to dance! (Reminds me of those who think everyone else has to be drinking, too, or their own ability to enjoy the evening is somehow diminished.)

TillyTheTiger · 06/08/2019 13:08

I don't dance. I had a pub quiz at my wedding instead of a DJ so I could specifically avoid being made to dance Grin. It was brilliant!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/08/2019 13:13

I don’t expect they get anything out of it, I think that type of person just has absolutely no understanding of the fact that everyone in the entire world isn’t exactly like them. They lack the ability to understand that their experience is not automatically your/my experience and are completely incapable of accepting that you or I might not think or feel or want exactly what they do.

Perfectly put.

A lot (absolutely by no means all) of extroverts just cannot understand that some people are introverted and see it as a major personal problem and a serious character flaw, for which you require urgent 'help'. The same kind of 'help' we see on MN when people who are very worried about not being able to pay their rent and council tax are advised to book themselves a fabulous weekend in Paris, to chill and take their mind of it. A smile and a "Wanna join us?" is fine, but if you decline, that's the end of the matter.

Also, because it's a common extrovert trait to be egocentric and feed off the energy of others (not necessarily in a bad way), they will often see you acting differently from them and interpret it as you judging them. They think that you're there inwardly frowning, focusing your disgust on them and despising them for making themselves look like an idiot whilst you do the 'proper, dignified' thing; when, in reality, you're probably not actually thinking of them at all - and, if you are, you're likely thinking that you're happy that they're happy but equally very glad to just be able to sit and chat or enjoy the music/event in general in your preferred way.

As PPs have said, some people are like it with non-drinkers too. See also people who go on endlessly about football and demand to know whom you support, when you genuinely hate it (yes, even when it's England playing) and see it as utterly tedious and pointless for you, whilst remaining perfectly accepting of and happy for people who do like it - because you're a grown up and you understand that different people like different things.

People saying that you just shouldn't go are being ridiculous and extremely unfair. I think they're either the type of extrovert described above or have anxiety from being targeted by said extroverts. Dancing is only one small part of many social events, so why should you have to miss out entirely just because you prefer to chat and just listen to music instead of dancing to it? It's like saying that vegetarians should feel compelled to stay away from weddings and big celebrations, simply because a proportion of the buffet won't be what they will want to choose.

MontanaSkies · 06/08/2019 13:14

Thanks @ALittleBitAlexis, I will take a look.

flouncyfanny · 06/08/2019 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ALittleBitAlexis · 06/08/2019 13:18

See also people who go on endlessly about football and demand to know whom you support, when you genuinely hate it (yes, even when it's England playing) and see it as utterly tedious and pointless for you, whilst remaining perfectly accepting of and happy for people who do like it - because you're a grown up and you understand that different people like different things.

As a Geordie who doesn't like football, I really feel this Grin

chocolatemademefat · 06/08/2019 13:28

I hate dancing too. I especially hate when a crowd of women form a circle and take it in turns to dance alone in the middle. Cringe fest. 😱

Rubbinghimsweetly2 · 06/08/2019 13:30

I am a world champion Irish dancer and was often made to dance for relatives hated it!

Hate dancing at parties, weddings etc also. A couple of years ago my mum, boyfriend and a friend of ours ended up having a drink at home and then all 4 of us danced around the kitchen for hours. It was a great night because we danced how we wanted and didn't give 2 fucks.

purpleleotard · 06/08/2019 13:33

I often think that dancing is a mating ritual that can be entertaining when trying to find a mate.
To be employed when young and single.
As I got older no way will I dance

MrsAJCrowley · 06/08/2019 13:35

I hate dancing. I am quite badly dyspraxic so I look like a giraffe on ice if I try and dance. Luckily my DP also hates dancing so if people try and force us to dance I send him to deal with them 😂

LightDrizzle · 06/08/2019 13:40

God this is me too!
This and karaoke zealots have spiked so many nights for me.
It’s not that I’m sat there with a face like tripe; I’m chatting, laughing, watching with a smile on my face.
One beckoning gesture - fine, hounding my and making out I’m ruining the party, - fuck off!
I’m good at public speaking, quizzes and academic exams, I wouldn’t dream of inflicting that on unwilling participants.

Skittlesandbeer · 06/08/2019 13:45

I love dancing, will do it at the drop of a hat! I’ve trained in it, taught it, and see it as one of the few great joys in life.

Never, ever would I drag someone else up. Would never occur to me. It’d be like me haranguing someone to speak Italian or eat squid. Pointless, mean, and embarrassing for everyone around. Why would it increase MY enjoyment to have forced someone to do it next to me???

I can only assume that whoever has the urge to drag a non-dancer towards a dance floor is doing it because they are self conscious themselves (ie it’s all about them). I’d be tempted to say as much to them. ‘Oh, no thanks, I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it by yourself soon, you don’t need me to show you how to have fun?!’.

I suppose if you were feeling kinder you could say ‘every performer needs an appreciative audience- I’m yours!’

Frankly, I were being force fed something, I’d slink away so they couldn’t find me. Mostly dancing happens near the end of an event, no? Smile, say you’re allergic to dancing, and leave?

bumblingbovine49 · 06/08/2019 13:45

Of course you don't have to dance if you don't want to. I have no rhythm either but there is something wonderful that happens when you dance without any inhibitions . I find it freeing. Then again I hate when people make fun of other people's dancing. For.me.dancing and singing ( singing in private obviously) is a joyful thing to.do.which lifts my spirits enormously.

DH can't dance either but one of the things I love about him is he does anyway. He just ignores the comments and dances anyway. I find it very attractive actually despite him looking a bit like a womble on speed ( his words not mine btw!!)

BatshitCrazyWoman · 06/08/2019 13:46

You definitely aren't alone in this, OP. I feel the same (and my late ex-MIL was similar to yours). I did ballroom and Latin dancing and loved it, it's just this social dancing I hate. I prefer a good chat. I don't drink much, either ...

MulticolourMophead · 06/08/2019 13:50

I lost mum last year, but really, this is one of the very few things I don't miss, that she would always try to get me up dancing. Not that she could dance herself, actually, so I suspect that a previous suggestion that these people do thing so they aren't dancing alone is a good one.

Lipz · 06/08/2019 13:53

I use to love dancing when I was younger, would always be first up on the dance floor, but now that I'm older, I actually don't like it at all. A few functions I've been grabbed, pulled at, told I'm miseralbe etc for not dancing, I'd be having a great night and then someone would just ruin the whole thing by trying to force me to dance. I often run to the loo the minute I see certain people making their way to me, sometimes I can spend ages in the loo, just avoiding the dancing part.

I've a wedding the weekend after next, I've been really looking forward to it, It's family and the excitment is huge, the couple are young and energetic as are their friends, the Mother of the bride, messaged me the other day saying she can't wait for the day and especially looking foward to the dancing later on with me !!!! she's knows me so well, that I can't understand why she thinks I am going to be on the floor all night with her. She said we'll show these young ones how it done and that we don't get tired, OMG, I'm now not looking forward to it all, and to top it all off she said she's been practising her 'moves' LOL what does that even mean, has she gone to dance lessons, dancing at home..... who knows, so I either get so pissed I won't want to get off the dance floor or I sit at the bar in the next room.

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