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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get fed up at being expected to dance at functions?

152 replies

SuzieSunshine · 06/08/2019 10:24

Silly really but I really hate dancing!! I have absolutely no rhythm and can't even wave my arms or clap in time to the music. I feel so self conscious about this that it ends up ruining my night. MIL in particular is one of those outgoing people who will stand over me, try to grab my hand and pull me up to dance. I said once that I had hurt my ankle and she 'danced' off back into the crowd. Why does she do this, every time. If I'd wanted to dance I'd be up there with the rest of them. Rather than go to places covered in bandages, which would be a bit extreme why can't she just accept that I DON'T WANT TO DANCE !! BTW I have told her, several times, already. I even had to ring up a theatre once to see if the audience danced during the show. I didn't go in the end because it was an 'all singing all dancing' show and I've been to concerts on my own, where nobody knows me so I don't feel any pressure to dance. :) I am actually laughing while I'm typing this as it sounds so trivial but it really affects me!!

OP posts:

TamzinGrey · 06/08/2019 11:07

I'm the same - used to enjoy dancing when I was young but absolutely hate it now, and the thought of being dragged onto the dance floor, and told that I'm being "boring"if I try to resist, actually puts me off going to weddings.

I'd like one of these Dance Floor Draggers to come on here and explain exactly what they get out of it.

Chunkers · 06/08/2019 11:09

Oh God, this was the bane of my life (along with ‘smile’). I hate dancing and also suffer with resting cats bum face. I would be happily sitting there minding my own business, people watching and someone well meaning would try to drag me up to dance. I used to fake injury but latterly just told them I don’t like dancing. This is often not believed and I’m then told, it’ll be fine, nobody’s watching, but it’s a good one, enjoy yourself!! I prefer to avoid any events with a dance floor now, it’s just too much and it goes on all night...

MancaroniCheese · 06/08/2019 11:09

I like dancing but had similar with my ex-MIL who would be on the dance floor doing that stupid beckoning motion to everybody or go round interrupting people's conversations and cajoling them to get up and dance....LEAVE THEM ALONE FFS

TamzinGrey · 06/08/2019 11:10

Sorry for the double post I was told that the first attempt had failed.

Ninkaninus · 06/08/2019 11:15

I don’t expect they get anything out of it, I think that type of person just has absolutely no understanding of the fact that everyone in the entire world isn’t exactly like them. They lack the ability to understand that their experience is not automatically your/my experience and are completely incapable of accepting that you or I might not think or feel or want exactly what they do.

Chunkers · 06/08/2019 11:16

And God forbid if they are all doing the slosh or that bloody oops upside your head thing... nope, just NO.

LadyRannaldini · 06/08/2019 11:19

Next time MIL tries to force you say 'Not all of us like to make ourselves look so stupid'.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 06/08/2019 11:26

I don't understand people who do this. I like to dance, so if I'm dancing at a wedding or a party or whatever, I'm too busy enjoying myself to be looking around the room thinking 'Ok, who's not dancing? Ooh that person there isn't dancing! Right, we'll see about that!'
I wonder if it's an insecurity thing, maybe they want everyone up dancing so they don't feel self-conscious about non-dancers watching them? Either way YANBU.

GoldenFlaps · 06/08/2019 11:40

it's just the awful black cloud of doom as I see my MIL approaching during the 'fun dancing bit' that ruins it. She makes me feel like I'm a real killjoy!!
You can't be the only person not up on the dance floor - does she do this with anyone else?

TheInebriati · 06/08/2019 11:41

I actually took dancing lessons to try to improve or learn to enjoy dancing, they didn't change anything. The instructor suggested I might try something more structured, so I did a taster course for things like barn dancing and country dancing. I enjoyed those, I could do them but sill looked like someone was dropping a pile of sticks

WitsEnding · 06/08/2019 11:50

I don't like dancing, never went anywhere there was dancing until I was almost 20 (other than disastrous, humiliating folk dancing lessons at school) and everyone else seemed to know what they were doing. I will jig from foot to foot on occasion.
It dawned on me at a recent gig that my friends who love dancing attend one-off classes whenever they get the opportunity, and that's where they get their confidence from. I'm never voluntarily going to a ceilidh, it's just not for me.

justilou1 · 06/08/2019 11:52

Tell her you’re too pissed and you’ll barf on her shoes:

Chesntoots · 06/08/2019 11:54

I bloody love dancing and if I see someone sitting on their own I might ask if they want to join us (in case they feel awkward!). If they say "I'm ok" or words to that effect, I leave them alone.

Why do people think it's ok to try and bully people into doing things they don't want to do? I'm usually an introvert (unless dancing!) so I know how annoying it can be.

Boysey45 · 06/08/2019 11:57

I just wouldn't go to the event in the first place, then you can be sure your not going to be asked. Let your husband go by himself or with his family.
Once at uni I went line dancing to keep a friend company. This was over 20 years ago. It was a big hall and everyone knew all the moves, and I was falling about all over the place. It was for about an hour as well and I nearly started crying it was that horrible and embarrassing.

noideasforaname · 06/08/2019 12:00

I LOVE dancing but I bloody hate people who try to make me do things I don't want to , whether its having another drink or whatever. Why can't some people just accept a 'NO'.

Just hang tough OP. Stop caring whether some nob may think you are boring and have more assuredness in yourself and your choices. Say No and then physically turn away from MIL. Don't engage. She's being bloody rude so don't feel you need to be more polite than her.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 06/08/2019 12:01

I'd like one of these Dance Floor Draggers to come on here and explain exactly what they get out of it.

Bet my bottom dollar they can't, because the real reason is because they're desperate for validation and haven't realised cognitively that its true and okay for other people to not enjoy the same things.

I love "proper" dancing (I do several styles of partner dancing). I do conscious dance and five rhythms too. I never did enjoy dancing at parties, nightclubs etc and am more lost than ever on that type of dancefloor now. But I'm more confident and happy in myself than ever too, so I simply decline invitations to that type of night out or, if at something like a wedding I have no hesitation declining. I'd be severely pissed off if somebody tried that "you're ruining it" shit on me

MontanaSkies · 06/08/2019 12:13

I sympathise OP, dance floor draggers are the bane of my life!

The thing is though (and sorry to derail a bit), I personally would love to learn to dance. Does anyone have any advice on learning? What kind of classes should I be looking for? I don't want any kind of structured partner dances, just to be able to hold my own on your average club/ wedding disco dancefloor. I just lack confidence!

And I promise, if I ever gain this confidence and become a habitual dancer at events, NEVER to drag anyone up there with me!

MeowTseTung · 06/08/2019 12:13

I wouldn't mind dancing at parties so much if there were something worth dancing to...

The same old same old YMCA, Macarena, Dancing Queen, its hardly inspiring... (mobile dj-ing must be the easiest gig out there).

BenWillbondsPants · 06/08/2019 12:14

YANBU. I hate this! I love to dance and will usually get up with my friends etc., but I don't want to be forced to dance or told I'm a party pooper if I don't feel like it.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 06/08/2019 12:15

That’s a very good point Meow. Fucking Uptown Funk! It was good the first billion times but...enough!

Constance1234 · 06/08/2019 12:22

I hate public dancing too! And the people who try to make others dance when they clearly don't want to obviously aren't having a good time themselves if they are noticing what other people are/aren't doing!

ALittleBitAlexis · 06/08/2019 12:24

This isn't personal experience, I haven't tried it, but apparently there are tutorials on Youtube for club/general dancing. Someone I follow on Instagram (Jen Gotch) has some pretty cool moves and she's said she learns from Youtube.

Crochetymum · 06/08/2019 12:28

Me too! I went to a tribute act once that I'd wanted to see for ages and a member of my family, who I love, she is my absolute favourite, just would not leave me alone, tried every time to get me on the dance floor, which made the whole table look at me, then I didn't enjoy the act as much as I should. Plus I think I can dance when I've had a drink which is even worse 🤪. So I don't dance unless at home. Alone. I'm my kitchen.😊

Jsmith99 · 06/08/2019 12:32

I don’t dance. Full stop.

Anyone who tries to persuade me to do so will find I politely but firmly decline.

Anyone who tries to bully or shame me into doing so and who does not back off after the first glared refusal will get flamethrowered.

Shimy · 06/08/2019 12:36

And God forbid if they are all doing the slosh or that bloody oops upside your head thing... nope, just NO.

But none of that is dancing though, it’s just a stupid party routine.

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