Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh said he can tell ds (15months) not to breastfeed.

128 replies

RebornFlame · 06/08/2019 07:38

It’s a bit more complicated than that. Ds is a toddler and when he asks to feed sometimes I say ‘no, later’ if it’s not convient at the time such as if I’m getting ready for work.

Dh chimed in with me this morning saying no to ds when he pointed and pulled at my top.

Completely lightheartedly I said ‘oi you don’t get to say that!’ and he took massive offence saying he’s the parent too and that if he doesn’t want ds to feed at the time he has a right to stop him.

AIBU to think it should always be me that allows or doesn’t allow a feed?

OP posts:
Nonnymum · 06/08/2019 08:33

You are not being unreasonable. Your breasts and your decision.

Pinkout · 06/08/2019 08:33

I think he was trying to back you up and help you and got upset because you shot down his attempts.

TeddybearBaby · 06/08/2019 08:34

You’re going to have to breastfeed forever I think just to stop your husband having any input into his own child. I think you’re the one who wants power / control tbh.

MustardScreams · 06/08/2019 08:34

@Sparklynails77 seriously? It is absolutely nothing to do with you when children are breastfed to. Breastmilk isn’t just food, it protects against illnesses, provides hormones and antibodies, is comfort and helps children to sleep. So do one with your judgemental post.

GrouchoMrx · 06/08/2019 08:34

You obviously have no intention of parenting together. For your DH's sake, I hope he gets the message sooner rather than later.

OMGshefoundmeout · 06/08/2019 08:34

If he was saying no to bf always I would agree he is being U but IMO the situation you’ve described is only the same as saying no to any other drink or snack at a time which isn’t convenient to the family routine?

Cmagic7 · 06/08/2019 08:35

Don't worry about it OP, it's not a biggy. I have a child exactly the same age and have only just stopped BFing him last week. Don't forget that there's lots of emotion attached to that, and has been since birth and sometimes it can make one act slightly irrationally. Just a question, do you feel like he's generally supportive of you carrying on feeding him at this age?

coconutpie · 06/08/2019 08:35

WTAF? On what planet do some people seem to think it is ok for her husband to tell her DS if he can bf or not?! Why does he need to answer on her behalf when she is clearly capable of answering herself? They are YOUR breasts, not his. He has zero say in this and those that say "it's tricky but I do see his point" need to give themselves a good wobble.

coconutpie · 06/08/2019 08:35

WTAF? On what planet do some people seem to think it is ok for her husband to tell her DS if he can bf or not?! Why does he need to answer on her behalf when she is clearly capable of answering herself? They are YOUR breasts, not his. He has zero say in this and those that say "it's tricky but I do see his point" need to give themselves a good wobble.

bobstersmum · 06/08/2019 08:35

@sparkynails odfod

Nonnymum · 06/08/2019 08:36

soarjynails77 there is nothing unusual about breastfeeding at 15 months. Don't all babies still have milk at that age? It doesn't mean he isn't also having solid food!
World Health Organisation advice is to breastfeed unti age 2 or longer for the health benefits.

Aridane · 06/08/2019 08:38

YABU, I think

Lilymossflower · 06/08/2019 08:39

He gets no say cause it ain't his tits ! Bollocks !!

Aridane · 06/08/2019 08:40

I don't think either of you should be saying no if your child wants a feed or comfort

I disagree- if course mother has a right to decline to breastfeed a 15 month old child in demand!

BeardyButton · 06/08/2019 08:43

Its your body. Its a complicated thing... But ultimately its your body. Women are more attached parents than men for a while, we gestate, birth and sometimes use our body to feed babies. Im of the opinion that during pregnancy, birth and around breast feeding women should have ultimate authority. This is why i ve always hated the idea of 'we are pregnant' and worse the men who remind women in childbirth about what 'they' decided together pre birth. The stats around breast feeding in UK are extremely low. Remember that some of the women answering you may not have bf'ed for a multitude of personal reasons. They may also feel negatively about prolongued bf. There may be leftover bad feelings surrounding bf. You may not get unbiased answers here. Of course, your husband is a equal partner in other aspects, but its your body that you are choosing to use to feed your kid. Ultimately its your choice. Not his!

PixieLumos · 06/08/2019 08:45

He did make it clear that he felt he could say no at any time but that could have just been hurt talk because I’d pissed him off.

Pretty much, yeah. And I think you’re making more out of it that you need to so he looks like the bad guy to make you feel better about your own unreasonable behaviour.

Fontofnoknowledge · 06/08/2019 08:45

MustardScreams I think you probably need to put the armchair psychology books down for a while and try and reset your 'bar' at normal.
It's currently set to 'seeing abuse at every turn' which isn't helpful when their is none.

Gatoadigrado · 06/08/2019 08:45

The OP has the right to feed her 15 month old when she wants

She also has the right to say no to him. Which she did. She just didn’t like her dh agreeing with her

Think it’s clear who has control issues here

Fontofnoknowledge · 06/08/2019 08:45

MustardScreams I think you probably need to put the armchair psychology books down for a while and try and reset your 'bar' at normal.
It's currently set to 'seeing abuse at every turn' which isn't helpful when their is none.

MarshaBradyo · 06/08/2019 08:46

You said the wrong thing and so did he

It’s more than it needs to be

Bluntness100 · 06/08/2019 08:47

I don't really understand your issue. He backed you up and supported you. He's never from what you've said went against your wishes. So you've your arse in your hands over some hypothetical, something he didn't even say, simply he "made it sound a bit like that"

Were you just looking to have a go?

Countrybumpkin00 · 06/08/2019 08:49

Personally I think if he’s asking to be fed and understands when you say no, then there is no need to breastfeed anymore.

Iggly · 06/08/2019 08:49

Breastfeeding isn’t a matter of parenting in the same way as, say, discipline- because only one person has a say in providing it. IMO.

So, I would speak to your dh and clarify exactly what he meant. If my dh thought he could tell ds no, it’s not time to BF even when I was fine to do so, then I’d be pissed off too OP.

BeardyButton · 06/08/2019 08:50

All those surprised at posters anti bf... Im not. There is this idea circulating around mn about breastfeeding nazis (or some other nonsense name). My experience is the opposite. Any post I see about a mum bfing, especially after 12mths is met with a number of anti bf responses. Its awful! Then when someone tries to show evidence that the passive agressive posts criticising the mother for bf are actually incorrect. That there is evidence as to the positives of prolongued bf. That poster is accused of trying to make bottle feeding mothers feel bad. Weird!

SoyDora · 06/08/2019 08:50

Personally I think if he’s asking to be fed and understands when you say no, then there is no need to breastfeed anymore

Err... why? Mine can ask for an apple and understand when I say no... does that mean they shouldn’t be eating apples anymore?