To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

I just feel for those posters on here who said they breastfed in a toilet.

I wouldn't eat my lunch sitting on a loo. Certainly I wouldn't feed my precious baby whilst on a toilet because I felt excluded. Shame on any store that forces women to do this.

Yes I very much have... I've read the thread and what i disagree with is the outrage that men might enter a feeding nd changing space that a shop has labelled as unisex... as I've said you generally expect a greater level of privacy from men in those spaces but on the odd occasions man might be in them with legitimate reason to be.
Why should men have to feed newborn babies on a bench or on a shop floor? Its not for the mens benefit, some newborns will not feed at all if theres too much commotion...
I dobt think its progressive to then suggest men shouldnt be out on their own with their newborns caring for them on their own.
I think sometimes winsome shops you need to accept that there is a chance you will be sharing a feeding or baby change room with a man.

Why should men have to feed newborn babies on a bench or on a shop floor?

And yet you keep saying uncomfortable breastfeeding mothers should use a toilet or stay at home?

@Fuma which is ridiculous if we are trying to encourage society to view breastfeeding as a normal thing that can be done in public. If we are trying to normalise it in that way would it not be like asking other people to leave a restaurant you were in because you didnt like people seeing you eat?

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Why should men have to feed newborn babies on a bench or on a shop floor?

Why should women have to breastfeed in a public toilet?

Mhyasa sadly you are wasting your time. A lot of people do not give a shit about anyone except their family. So those posters don't care about other breastfeeding women, just themselves and their DH.

Kris

Not.
All.
Women.
Are.
Comfortable.
Breastfeeding
In
Public.

Same old same old

Women have been given and ask for this to be upheld some space and give valid reasons why they feel they need this

And yet a mans right to be there trumps this

Sounds so familiar

I don't see what's ridiculous about women asserting their right to breastfeed without men present. Men are neither necessary nor useful to a breastfeeding woman and can instead be a hindrance. It's actually ok to prioritise women when they have needs that are pressing and distinct to men and which can be negatively impacted by a presence which is not required anyway.

I just feel for those posters on here who said they breastfed in a toilet.

I did. Took my dd to the Ritz for my 30th birthday and spent most of it sat in the ladies toilets feeding her.

@MhysaMhysa if a breastfeeding mother is in a unisex feeding area in a shop she may be seen feeding by a man. Either she accepts that small risk or she feeds in a toilet cubicle or at home. I really dont think theres any grounds for acting like you have a right over any space because you want to get your breasts out but you dont want anyone to see it. A place in which you can do that is a toilet cubicle or at home. If you are in public you run the risk someone will see you. A large feeding area is often unisex and again a public area unless it's one lockable cubicle like they sometimes are in smaller shops... you've not right to demand other people to leave so you can have absolute privacy.
A feeding area is supposed to be a quiet area with seating where breastfeeding mothers are welcome but often they are not exclusively for breastfeeding mothers.
I mean campaign for shops to make exclusive areas for breastfeeding mothers who dont want to be seen by men... but I've already said why I dont think that's going to get vry far.

I'm not saying breastfeeding mums should feed in toilet cubicles.... I'm saying that if you want to guarantee absolute privacy from men whilst feeding, that is what you are probably going to have to do.

Erm? Breastfeeding isn't anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It's also not a sexual act.

Do you not breastfeed in public?

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breastanddbottlefeeding/1082014-Why-does-John-Lewis-have-a-Bottle-Feeding-area?pg=2&order=

I found this thread from 2010. It was very gentle compared to this.

Of course breastfeeding women have a right to their own space! Breastfeeding is a distinct and uniquely female activity which it does men no harm whatsoever to stay away from.

No I have never breastfed in public. Women should not have to.

YANBU.

I thought the whole point of feeding rooms/breastfeeding especially rooms is that we don't have to cover up like we do in public.

I'm a Muslim and wouldn't want a stranger being in view of my bare breasts, and many of my non Muslim friends who are the most liberal women feel exactly the same! It's just rude

On another tack, why do you need a changing table? Can't people change a baby on their lap any more?

I bet you'd be happy breast feeding in a cafe op.

How'd you come to that conclusion?

Why shouldnt a dad come in to talk to his bf wife.

Because Sweetpea55 he has the other 23 and a bit hours of the day to talk to the mother of his child, unless the store is on fire it can surely wait. I'm at kids that feel the need to be entertained for every waking moment, nevermind supposed adults.

Took my dd to the Ritz for my 30th birthday and spent most of it sat in the ladies toilets feeding her.

Crackers.

Look I'm a breastfeeding mum and I dont love getting my boobs out. I dont really want to be looked at by men. But i just dont feel we have the right to demand other people leave an area because of our discomfort. When we could go and lock ourselves in a toilet cubicle, or cover up or go home if we wanted a completely private space.
Because no one is stopping us from breastfeeding wherever we are. The law says you ahve a right to feed your baby absolutely anywhere it is safe to do so without being disturbed. So to be in complete privacy is a personal preference not a right. You have to go and find complete privacy if that's what you want. Not demand spaces which are public be made private for you. You can actually feed anywhere but you are choosing not to because of your personal preference for complete privacy.
Feeding areas in shops are for greater comfort, they might have chairs and water etc... and they are great, but they arent a right... because we have the right to feed anywhere.. as you are saying men should feed their newborns on a bench... why do you think women have a right to a special room? You think mothers are more important than fathers? Surely the most important thing of all is the baby... and that's who those rooms are for really... any baby with any parent who needs feeding in a calm atmosphere

“Erm? Breastfeeding isn't anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It's also not a sexual act.

Do you not breastfeed in public?”

Have you not read the myriad threads on here from women who did it really difficult feeding in public? Women can want for cultural or religious reasons, or for simple privacy not to feed I. From the of men. Nothing to do with embarrassment or shame or sex. Women should not have to budge up to make room for men.

So people realise how hard others campaigned so they donMt have to bf in a toilet cubicle? And yet women on this thread are saying we should go back to those days to fulfil the wants of men

I breast fed both of my children, I was very lucky that it came easy. I'm very much not a prude but I was horrifically self conscious when feeding my 1st. She fed on the hour every hour. I used to plan all my trips meticulously so I could get in and out. If not I would sit in toilets--I remember vividly one episode in Costa where a woman beat the door incessantly and screamed what could be taking so long? I would've been mortified if a man was in a feeding area even though as a rational human I know its of very little consequence. The problem is very often after child birth many women can feel anything but rational. We are raging with hormones, exhausted and sore. Can we not just be polite and kind to people? If you can honestly see someone is uncomfortable with your partner being there can you not ask them to meet you outside? Ironically with my second I would feed anywhere, on the park bench in the cafe at Morrisons, even in front of my boss when I went in to show them off ( the baby not my boobs). My point is we can't generalise and say "well I don't mind who sees them" or " why not feed in the car", we all have different needs and emotions. Just be kind.

Crackers

Why? I breast fed until she was 3 and a half. I had no issues with feeding in public at all, but she would just not concentrate in the dining room there because there was too much noise and distractions. Where else should I have gone?

Did you not ask the staff if they had a spare room? I'm sure the Ritz would've had somewhere a bit quieter.