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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend got someone else’s pregnant when our son was three weeks old (potentially)

117 replies

bgri18 · 05/08/2019 11:01

This is going to be a little long so you will have to bare with me.
Last year when I was pregnant with my son me and my partner broke up... fast forward some months and I'm in labour at the hospital, he turned up and as soon as we had our son everything changed... I didn't get to spend much time with them both because I was rushed to theatre because i was loosing a massive amount of blood, basically I nearly died. My baby's dad aches like the birth of our son and nearly loosing me had changed things and that we was going to fix things and be a family that's together.. things were amazing for three weeks, then just over three weeks I found out he had slept with another girl... we argued things got really heavy to deal with and he didn't see me for about a month and half at all, I ended up meeting someone else and then my son fell very ill and so my baby's dad came back into our life again.. he saw I was moved on and he hated it, it apparently hurt him... so I left who I was seeing and me and my baby's dad sorted things out. We was in an "unofficial relationship" because I didn't want to label it out of fear of him hurting me again... then about a month into seeing eachother I found out that this girl he slept with when my son had barley been born is pregnant... and it's works out to be his.. he was adamant it isn't and tried to reassure me.. well now we are in the present we are fully back together officially and she has had her baby and so I looked at her Facebook to see what her baby looks like.. to only be hurt and find myself in a panic, the baby looks scarily like my son who looks just like his dad, I added her and I asked her if there's any chance it's his and I was really nice and polite, she spoke to me she said that he can have a dna test etc.. I put took a photo of her baby and put in a collage next to my baby's picture to show my boyfriend the resemblance.
He then spoke to her and she told him that she wants it to stay just between those two, she's pissed off that I took a photo of her son off her Facebook account and she's now blocked me. I feel already like I've been pushed out and my feelings are not being considered, if this baby is his then it's everything to do with me! That's my sons potential half brother and my boyfriends baby. I'm obviously in agony over this as it is and her blocking me has made me think something isn't quite right. I could understand if it was some random person that took the photo but I'm just a girl that's trying to find out if my son has a half brother and my boyfriend has another son and also trying to find out for my own mind. I don't know what to do.. if it's his baby, I couldn't ever accept that child and I know it sounds bad but if it's his then that baby is a mistake that should have never been there, me and my baby's dad were suppose to be a new family and planning our future and instead I've got a potential half brother for my son!

OP posts:
Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 11:29

You need to ditch your awful, faithless scum bag of a boyfriend. He couldn't prioritise you when your baby was three weeks old - that means he never will. And worse, he has failed to fulfil his responsibilities to his other child.

I don't think you should contact the other girl on Facebook again. It's not her fault your boyfriend is a lying cheat, and she is right to want to protect her son from any drama. Her baby isn't really anything to do with you - it's for your boyfriend to support both of his children, not for you to worry about the other.

Break up with your boyfriend, make sure you're getting maintenance through CMS, and get a contact order in place.

Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 11:29

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Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 11:29

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Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 11:29

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Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 11:29

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Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 11:29

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Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 11:30

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WhoLurvesOrangeSoda · 05/08/2019 11:36

You've made your point @Vanillelle 😂

Pippinsqueak · 05/08/2019 11:45

Christ I could barely function for the first 3 months let alone met new people and sleep with them!

I think her reaction reguarding the photo is justified. I would be exactly the same. You are in the wrong here.

You say you could never accept this child if it is his, then say that it has everything to do with you if it is his but unfortunately it doesn't.

At the end of the day as much as I understand you are hurt by your boyfriends potential situation HE has to sort out DNA test, and if it is his, HE has to build a relationship and contact with the child and again if it is his, then he would be the one to build a relationship with your child and potential half brother. You don't really have any say or rights on this other woman's actions or the child. That's between her and your man.

Pippinsqueak · 05/08/2019 11:45

Christ I could barely function for the first 3 months let alone met new people and sleep with them!

I think her reaction reguarding the photo is justified. I would be exactly the same. You are in the wrong here.

You say you could never accept this child if it is his, then say that it has everything to do with you if it is his but unfortunately it doesn't.

At the end of the day as much as I understand you are hurt by your boyfriends potential situation HE has to sort out DNA test, and if it is his, HE has to build a relationship and contact with the child and again if it is his, then he would be the one to build a relationship with your child and potential half brother. You don't really have any say or rights on this other woman's actions or the child. That's between her and your man.

Pippinsqueak · 05/08/2019 11:45

Christ I could barely function for the first 3 months let alone met new people and sleep with them!

I think her reaction reguarding the photo is justified. I would be exactly the same. You are in the wrong here.

You say you could never accept this child if it is his, then say that it has everything to do with you if it is his but unfortunately it doesn't.

At the end of the day as much as I understand you are hurt by your boyfriends potential situation HE has to sort out DNA test, and if it is his, HE has to build a relationship and contact with the child and again if it is his, then he would be the one to build a relationship with your child and potential half brother. You don't really have any say or rights on this other woman's actions or the child. That's between her and your man.

Pippinsqueak · 05/08/2019 11:45

Christ I could barely function for the first 3 months let alone met new people and sleep with them!

I think her reaction reguarding the photo is justified. I would be exactly the same. You are in the wrong here.

You say you could never accept this child if it is his, then say that it has everything to do with you if it is his but unfortunately it doesn't.

At the end of the day as much as I understand you are hurt by your boyfriends potential situation HE has to sort out DNA test, and if it is his, HE has to build a relationship and contact with the child and again if it is his, then he would be the one to build a relationship with your child and potential half brother. You don't really have any say or rights on this other woman's actions or the child. That's between her and your man.

Pippinsqueak · 05/08/2019 11:48

Christ I could barely function for the first 3 months let alone met new people and sleep with them!

I think her reaction reguarding the photo is justified. I would be exactly the same. You are in the wrong here.

You say you could never accept this child if it is his, then say that it has everything to do with you if it is his but unfortunately it doesn't.

At the end of the day as much as I understand you are hurt by your boyfriends potential situation HE has to sort out DNA test, and if it is his, HE has to build a relationship and contact with the child and again if it is his, then he would be the one to build a relationship with your child and potential half brother. You don't really have any say or rights on this other woman's actions or the child. That's between her and your man.

Just focus on your own baby and relationship whatever you decide to do. He's a cheat at the end of the day ...........

Sunflowers11 · 05/08/2019 12:17

@mnhq is there a problem in the boards today as multiple posts across the boards have been repeated over and over?

itscallednickingbentcoppers · 05/08/2019 12:17

It's up to you to give your child a stable home life and you aren't going to do that by going out with a string of blokes, ditching them and bringing his father in periodically but not being together in name. Leave this other girl alone and get your shit together.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 05/08/2019 12:57

This must all be very hurtful for you. What is it you want to achieve? I'd leave him fwuw.

Venger · 05/08/2019 12:58

Ditch the loser boyfriend, get in touch with the CMS for maintenance off him (don't hold your breath on that one), stay away from this other woman who obviously doesn't want anything to do with you and leave her son alone. He is not your child's half-brother as it's not yet been proven that he is your boyfriend's baby, and even if he was the mother doesn't want to build a relationship so you have no claim to one.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 05/08/2019 13:02

@Sunflowers11 mumsnet had massive server problems this morning (not sue how you missed it lol! maybe you're not as addicted as me)

Ellisandra · 05/08/2019 13:06

yVanillelle is right - every time!
Honestly, I wouldn’t be interested in my child meeting yours. It’s all a big car crash that I’d want to keep away from. Of course I’d no doubt “do the right thing” because a half brother is a half brother. But right now my gut would be to keep away. I’d be embarrassed having to explain to him what an arsehole his dad was though - I’d feel judged that I’d got pregnant to such a dick.

Forget this woman and focus on minimising your involvement with this loser.

MidnightAtTheOasis · 05/08/2019 13:06

Frankly a woman who can meet someone and start a new relationship while caring for an eight week old baby clearly has super powers so I’m sure you’ll be fine OP.

SilverySurfer · 05/08/2019 13:12

I don't have a baby or facebook but would be furious if you took a copy of my baby's photograph and re-posted it.

It all sounds awful, boyfriend sounds like an arse who I wouldn't touch with a ten foot barge pole. I would give him the boot and give yourself a bit of time before lurching into another relationship.

EsmeeMerlin · 05/08/2019 13:17

Just ditch him, he slept with someone else when you son was a newborn. What else do you need to know. I also think it’s really damaging for your son to be around all this. Different partners and a mum and dad that are on and off. It’s a bit of a mess when there should be some stability.

Dump the boyfriend and concentrate on you and your son. It will be down to your boyfriend to facilitate a relationship between the two brothers and there is no reason for you to contact the other woman.

Boysey45 · 05/08/2019 13:19

You really need to get rid of him hes no good OP surely you can see this. He will stick his dick anywhere.
Leave this other woman alone now she has made her feelings known. Just concentrate on yourself and your child.

newmomof1 · 05/08/2019 13:20

This sounds so dysfunctional - bring back Jeremy Kyle!

  • you have absolutely no right to take a picture of someone else's child from their social media
  • it sounds like the only adult in this situation is the OW
  • he absolutely is the baby's dad
  • he disappeared for 6 weeks and didn't see his NEW BORN baby?
  • you managed to meet and 'move on' with someone 8 weeks after giving birth?

You two are clearly not going to work out. Let him be a dad to his baby - your relationship doesn't need to go any further than that.

If he wants to be a dad to both babies, he can (somehow I doubt he will). You don't need to have anything to do with her baby - it is literally none of your business at this moment in time.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 05/08/2019 13:21

On and off again relationships never work out. Cut your losses and move on. To be frank you met someone a month after you broke up with him so you both seem pretty impulsive and probably a toxic combination. There is a reason you brake up every other day.