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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend got someone else’s pregnant when our son was three weeks old (potentially)

117 replies

bgri18 · 05/08/2019 11:01

This is going to be a little long so you will have to bare with me.
Last year when I was pregnant with my son me and my partner broke up... fast forward some months and I'm in labour at the hospital, he turned up and as soon as we had our son everything changed... I didn't get to spend much time with them both because I was rushed to theatre because i was loosing a massive amount of blood, basically I nearly died. My baby's dad aches like the birth of our son and nearly loosing me had changed things and that we was going to fix things and be a family that's together.. things were amazing for three weeks, then just over three weeks I found out he had slept with another girl... we argued things got really heavy to deal with and he didn't see me for about a month and half at all, I ended up meeting someone else and then my son fell very ill and so my baby's dad came back into our life again.. he saw I was moved on and he hated it, it apparently hurt him... so I left who I was seeing and me and my baby's dad sorted things out. We was in an "unofficial relationship" because I didn't want to label it out of fear of him hurting me again... then about a month into seeing eachother I found out that this girl he slept with when my son had barley been born is pregnant... and it's works out to be his.. he was adamant it isn't and tried to reassure me.. well now we are in the present we are fully back together officially and she has had her baby and so I looked at her Facebook to see what her baby looks like.. to only be hurt and find myself in a panic, the baby looks scarily like my son who looks just like his dad, I added her and I asked her if there's any chance it's his and I was really nice and polite, she spoke to me she said that he can have a dna test etc.. I put took a photo of her baby and put in a collage next to my baby's picture to show my boyfriend the resemblance.
He then spoke to her and she told him that she wants it to stay just between those two, she's pissed off that I took a photo of her son off her Facebook account and she's now blocked me. I feel already like I've been pushed out and my feelings are not being considered, if this baby is his then it's everything to do with me! That's my sons potential half brother and my boyfriends baby. I'm obviously in agony over this as it is and her blocking me has made me think something isn't quite right. I could understand if it was some random person that took the photo but I'm just a girl that's trying to find out if my son has a half brother and my boyfriend has another son and also trying to find out for my own mind. I don't know what to do.. if it's his baby, I couldn't ever accept that child and I know it sounds bad but if it's his then that baby is a mistake that should have never been there, me and my baby's dad were suppose to be a new family and planning our future and instead I've got a potential half brother for my son!

OP posts:
HeyMonkey · 05/08/2019 17:32

How bloody ridiculous.

LIZS · 05/08/2019 17:33

How would she know you had downloaded the photo though. Unless you shared it elsewhere or she is still in contact with your "bf". Is she someone you knew anyway or only via him?

CmdrCressidaDuck · 05/08/2019 17:33

If she's a homewrecker for sleeping with your ex-BF while you were broken up, presumably you are also a wrecker of your own home for sleeping with another man while you and your baby's father were broken up. Sounds like it's pretty comprehensively wrecked now, and you should get on with having some stability on your own and not actively courting the dramz, no?

Rachie1973 · 05/08/2019 17:38

Jeez. You sound about 14.

Those kids! Cut him out, other than as your child’s father and raise your baby minus the drama.

Other mum sounds wise.

pepperpot99 · 05/08/2019 17:54

Yep, Jezza Kyle material.Hmm.

SD1978 · 05/08/2019 18:15

I'm not sure where all the blame is going on him- they had separated, and he was seeing someone else- same as OP was when baby was o yo about 6 weeks old. It sounds as if you are both very young, and this relationship is drama filled. Either get some help together, or get some counselling independently because neither of you seem to be great at making choices. Step back from this new drama, focus on raising your child. And see if you can do that together or apart.

SD1978 · 05/08/2019 18:15

I'm not sure where all the blame is going on him- they had separated, and he was seeing someone else- same as OP was when baby was o yo about 6 weeks old. It sounds as if you are both very young, and this relationship is drama filled. Either get some help together, or get some counselling independently because neither of you seem to be great at making choices. Step back from this new drama, focus on raising your child. And see if you can do that together or apart.

ohdearmymistake · 05/08/2019 18:25

I really do despair for those two poor children with a skanky shag-a-lot father and one with a stupid mother.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2019 18:27

Op just walk away fro mthis relationship, keep away from her and focus on your son and your self respect.
How on earth you found time to find a new man and cultivate a relationship when your baby was 3-9 weeks I do not know but if you have that much energy and family support (cos you surely wouldn't introduce a new man to your newborn baby...) then you'll do just fine.

It's up to him to give the siblings a relationship when they're older

SparklyMagpie · 05/08/2019 19:50

That's a point, OP did you have this new fella around your newborn? Because I honestly don't get how you'd have time to date

ColaFreezePop · 05/08/2019 21:20

School holiday boredom strikes already...

FatThor · 05/08/2019 21:27

Do you reckon cola? Unfortunately plenty of people live like this, it's heartbreaking really

qazxc · 05/08/2019 21:38

If it is his child then i think your "relationship" is over anyway.
I certainly couldn't be with anyone that described my baby as a mistake and that wouldn't accept him.

WellThisIsShit · 05/08/2019 22:03

If you can’t see why people might have an issue with your own life choices, as well as your (deeply unpleasant sounding!) ex, then you won’t get any advice you like to hear on here I’m afraid.

Really, it’s not usual to split up and then start, and end another ‘serious’ new relationship in the first couple of months post partum - it’s just not. Especially when you’ve got a newborn who’s been extremely poorly.

You can’t whitewash it in order to make a whole you = angel, he + she = devils polarity. And you lose support trying to do that.

Be honest, it’s all a mess, on all sides. And it’s how you go from here that defines who will come out of this well, and who carries on making self obsessed short sighted choices.

I hope you are the one to come out of this with your head held up high, and your choices all about the wellbeing of your baby.

Not indulging in infantile relationship dramas and ridiculous spats that put the whims of the adults ahead of the needs of all the children involved. Please don’t do this.

Head. Held. High. Girl. Ok? Smile

bellabasset · 05/08/2019 22:22

Your issue is with your bf, you're not in a position to judge this woman. You need to agree financial and hands on support that he will commit to for your son. If he has fathered a second baby then it is reasonable to discuss what impact his responsibility to that DC will have on your son.

Femodene · 05/08/2019 23:32

New boyfriends should not be near anyones child for absolute bare minimum of a year, doesn’t matter if ‘but then we’d never see each other coz of work/other kids!’ so? Sex life is in second place to the kids you (general) chose to have, don't foist random makes into your kids lives, be aware of predatory males who target women with kids. There’s plenty of advice on your thread OP, any thoughts on the advice that’s not about your boyfriend or exes? The advice about yourself and your kid?

Femodene · 05/08/2019 23:33

*males not ‘makes’ 🙄

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