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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend got someone else’s pregnant when our son was three weeks old (potentially)

117 replies

bgri18 · 05/08/2019 11:01

This is going to be a little long so you will have to bare with me.
Last year when I was pregnant with my son me and my partner broke up... fast forward some months and I'm in labour at the hospital, he turned up and as soon as we had our son everything changed... I didn't get to spend much time with them both because I was rushed to theatre because i was loosing a massive amount of blood, basically I nearly died. My baby's dad aches like the birth of our son and nearly loosing me had changed things and that we was going to fix things and be a family that's together.. things were amazing for three weeks, then just over three weeks I found out he had slept with another girl... we argued things got really heavy to deal with and he didn't see me for about a month and half at all, I ended up meeting someone else and then my son fell very ill and so my baby's dad came back into our life again.. he saw I was moved on and he hated it, it apparently hurt him... so I left who I was seeing and me and my baby's dad sorted things out. We was in an "unofficial relationship" because I didn't want to label it out of fear of him hurting me again... then about a month into seeing eachother I found out that this girl he slept with when my son had barley been born is pregnant... and it's works out to be his.. he was adamant it isn't and tried to reassure me.. well now we are in the present we are fully back together officially and she has had her baby and so I looked at her Facebook to see what her baby looks like.. to only be hurt and find myself in a panic, the baby looks scarily like my son who looks just like his dad, I added her and I asked her if there's any chance it's his and I was really nice and polite, she spoke to me she said that he can have a dna test etc.. I put took a photo of her baby and put in a collage next to my baby's picture to show my boyfriend the resemblance.
He then spoke to her and she told him that she wants it to stay just between those two, she's pissed off that I took a photo of her son off her Facebook account and she's now blocked me. I feel already like I've been pushed out and my feelings are not being considered, if this baby is his then it's everything to do with me! That's my sons potential half brother and my boyfriends baby. I'm obviously in agony over this as it is and her blocking me has made me think something isn't quite right. I could understand if it was some random person that took the photo but I'm just a girl that's trying to find out if my son has a half brother and my boyfriend has another son and also trying to find out for my own mind. I don't know what to do.. if it's his baby, I couldn't ever accept that child and I know it sounds bad but if it's his then that baby is a mistake that should have never been there, me and my baby's dad were suppose to be a new family and planning our future and instead I've got a potential half brother for my son!

OP posts:
Isatis · 05/08/2019 15:25

You can't seriously believe there is any future whatsoever in this relationship, so you might as well end it now rather than listen to several more weeks of lies and meaningless promises. And please think long and hard about the fact that you deserve much better than this from any relationship.

Nonnymum · 05/08/2019 15:31

You need to focus on your own baby. Whether the other baby is your boyfriends or not doesn't really matter. He slept with her when your baby was 3 weeks old. Is he really going to help you provide a stable loving home for your child? Somehow I can't see it.

NoSquirrels · 05/08/2019 15:33

You probably wouldn’t be happy if someone else took a picture of your baby off FB, contacted you out of the blue etc.

End of the day, your ‘BF’ has 2 children now (he needs to do the DNA test, of course).

How you deal with that news between the two of you is up to you - but you have no business with the other mother at all. She has no obligation to you, no need to deal with you. She’s a new mother and can well do without stand from randoms (and that’s what you are to her).

Concentrate on yourself and your baby.

Figure out what to do with your relationship.

NoSquirrels · 05/08/2019 15:39

I don't know what to do.. if it's his baby, I couldn't ever accept that child

Once paternity test establishes it’s his baby, it’s up to your BF and the other mother to decide if he’s playing an active role in his other child’s life or just paying CM.

Then it’s up to you if you want to be with someone who either a) won’t ever be a father to a baby he knows about or b) wants to have both DC in his life.

You have no control over anything but your own decisions on whether to say with him.

He sounds like a complete arsehole btw.

ethelfleda · 05/08/2019 15:44

Does anyone else think MN has been infiltrated by NetHuns lately?

surroundedbyvulpices · 05/08/2019 15:45

The other child exists, whether you can accept that or not.

What you CAN choose not to accept is having the child's father in your life (given his track record, that might be wise).

I would suggest eliminating any sources of drama from your life, so you can give your son your full attention.

contrary13 · 05/08/2019 16:03

But, OP, to the other woman - you are just some random person who lifted her baby's photograph from her FB account, I'm afraid. And whether that baby happens to be your "boyfriend"'s child, then I'm afraid it might just be one of many half-siblings, or potential half-siblings to your baby.

As others have said, this boy you're with? He doesn't love you. He doesn't love this other young woman. He might love your baby, he might love her baby (if, indeed, he turns out to be the biological father)... but he loves himself and not practising safe sex even more, I'm afraid. You, your baby... low down on his list of priorities. And you're a mother now. You have to act in a responsible, mature way - and value yourself and your child more than you value this boy who had such little care for either of you that he disappeared for the first few weeks of your son's life... and probably only came back because whilst he doesn't want you, he doesn't want you to be with anyone else, either.

Somewhere along the line, you have to set a good example to your son. Don't plan a future with someone who will continue to treat you and your child like rubbish trailing in his wake. Don't you think you're both worth more than that? Because I do... and I don't even know you.

Yes, he should have a DNA test - but I think he already knows the other woman's baby is his. He just doesn't want to admit to it, because it'll rock his "have his cake and eat it, too" little world (and that'll be two babies he has to fund for at least the next 18/19 years - and I say "at least", because I know parents who still help their children well into their 30s!). And if that baby is your son's half-sibling... be prepared to allow them, when older, the chance to be brothers. Don't poison your child's mind against his half-sibling(s). Just like your child - they didn't ask to have this boy as their biological father, after all. One day, you and this other young woman may even turn out to be quasi-friends, who can laugh at how daft you both are to have wasted time on the boy who seems to think that he has the right to treat the mother(s) of his child(ren) like they're worthless. But be aware - you and she? Will not be the only ones he has children with, unfortunately. For all you know, your child might not even be his firstborn. And if he's not, would you like him to be called "a mistake" by his half-sibling's mother?

Take some time, talk to people, get RL support... and leave this boy who is, by not using protection/to-ing and fro-ing/exerting weird control "I don't want you, but you can't move on" over you, putting your physical and mental health at risk. Your son needs his Mum to be healthy, strong, and responsible. So be that for him. For yourself.

But not for the boy who doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself... and his penis.

Flowers
ALittleBitAlexis · 05/08/2019 16:03

Does anyone else think MN has been infiltrated by NetHuns lately?

Either that or Jeremy Kyle fanfic writers.

Vesperia · 05/08/2019 16:05

a little confused - were you together when he slept with this other girl?

should not of taken the picture of her baby, that just isn't right

GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 05/08/2019 16:42

On the plus side Take a Break will pay £250 for your story. 'Two mums -one dad. As I was giving birth he was making babies with his mistress!,

bgri18 · 05/08/2019 16:51

Excuse me ? I have NOT had a string of men at all. I started seeing someone when I was single for a quite a while and he wasn’t interested in being in our life’s at that moment in time!! I a right to move on but he wanted me back and I did what was right for my son and gave my family a chance that he bloody well didn’t deserve after the things he’s done behind my back. This forum is for support and advice not for you to come across with your nasty comments

OP posts:
Pinkout · 05/08/2019 16:55

The collage thing was an absolutely appalling idea, I can see why she was offended. Leave her out of it, I doubt she even knew you existed when she slept with him.

This whole situation is an utter catastrophe. The best thing you could do is only communicate with him about your child, definitely leave any hope of a relationship behind and for heavens sake, stay single for a while!

FatThor · 05/08/2019 17:02

OP you've been given a lot of advice here and it's pretty much unanimous. Surely you can see it's not ideal for your baby to be at the centre of all this drama?

It may be that the timeline isn't clear but in your original post it looks like you were with this guy for 3 weeks after the birth, then broke up for 6 weeks during which you "moved on" with another bloke. Meanwhile the guy has impregnated the other woman. That's what people are reacting to

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2019 17:03

How old is your child now?

bgri18 · 05/08/2019 17:06

Actually she is a home wrecker! She slept with him knowing full well I had literally just had his baby! She is in the wrong just as much as he is! What kind of female with any kind of respect it’s disgusting enough to do that! It was no strings attached sex so not like she was doing it because she accidentally fell in love with him. She should have stayed away and so should he

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 05/08/2019 17:07

Define “quite a while ” only you wrote this didn't see me for about a month and half at all, I ended up meeting someone else and then my son fell very ill and so my baby's dad came back into our life again

That’s the sort of timeframe that gets you to a Netflix season break.

Rtmhwales · 05/08/2019 17:10

I don't get why she's a home wrecker? Weren't you two split up..? The home was already wrecked.

NoSquirrels · 05/08/2019 17:13

She slept with him knowing full well I had literally just had his baby! She is in the wrong just as much as he is!

Doesn’t matter, though. What she does is up to her, and what your skanky ‘BF’ does is up to him. You can dump him, though. And ignore her.

Bluntness100 · 05/08/2019 17:14

I'm a bit lost as well. You weren't in a relarionship? So how is she a home wrecker? Is the man you were seeing also a home wrecker?

LolaSmiles · 05/08/2019 17:18

Actually she is a home wrecker! She slept with him knowing full well I had literally just had his baby!
You weren't together if i remember correctly. You'd been on and off and on and off and moved on then he got upset so came back all in the space if 8-10 weeks.

You need to ditch the fantasy of winning the man and the little family, focus on being the best mum you can be and keep away from drama (including in off relationships and relationship drama on social media).

Lllot5 · 05/08/2019 17:20

What a fucking mess. These poor kids. Just dump the bf he’s clearly no good. It’s up to him to sort out paternity with the other one.
Please just concentrate on your son now. You don’t need to be in all this drama and he definitely doesn’t.

Ginger1982 · 05/08/2019 17:21

Single for quite a while - you mean 6 weeks after you gave birth?? So in this space of time you had split with your BF, met someone else and had been seeing them long enough to consider you had 'moved on' before dumping them and going back to your BF?

Yes he shouldn't have slept with the other woman during the 3 weeks you were together before you split but you don't know what he told her. She might have thought you had separated?

SparklyMagpie · 05/08/2019 17:24

I forgot how long 6 weeks actually is 😂😂😂

I suppose it would seem quite a while when having just had a new born Grin

Couldn't think of anything worse than fucking around that soon after

HaileySherman · 05/08/2019 17:26

I'm confused. To clarify, you became Facebook "friends" with the OW. The OW had pictures of her son on said Facebook page. You put her son's picture next to your son's picture to show the father the resemblance?

If that was the extent of it, I don't see how you did anything wrong with regard to her son? I mean you didn't create a collage and post it online for a vote or anything right? She said she was ok with the dad doing a DNA test, etc? He was reluctant, so you put the two pictures side by side and said "hey look, they look alike. I think you should do the test to find out". You did this with a picture she had posted on her Facebook, which you were a friend on?

What am I missing? Why are people freaking out saying you did something awful to this OW?

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2019 17:29

She wasn’t the OW. They’d already split up.

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