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Original poster

Boyfriend got someone else’s pregnant when our son was three weeks old (potentially)

117 replies

bgri18 · 05/08/2019 11:01

This is going to be a little long so you will have to bare with me.
Last year when I was pregnant with my son me and my partner broke up... fast forward some months and I'm in labour at the hospital, he turned up and as soon as we had our son everything changed... I didn't get to spend much time with them both because I was rushed to theatre because i was loosing a massive amount of blood, basically I nearly died. My baby's dad aches like the birth of our son and nearly loosing me had changed things and that we was going to fix things and be a family that's together.. things were amazing for three weeks, then just over three weeks I found out he had slept with another girl... we argued things got really heavy to deal with and he didn't see me for about a month and half at all, I ended up meeting someone else and then my son fell very ill and so my baby's dad came back into our life again.. he saw I was moved on and he hated it, it apparently hurt him... so I left who I was seeing and me and my baby's dad sorted things out. We was in an "unofficial relationship" because I didn't want to label it out of fear of him hurting me again... then about a month into seeing eachother I found out that this girl he slept with when my son had barley been born is pregnant... and it's works out to be his.. he was adamant it isn't and tried to reassure me.. well now we are in the present we are fully back together officially and she has had her baby and so I looked at her Facebook to see what her baby looks like.. to only be hurt and find myself in a panic, the baby looks scarily like my son who looks just like his dad, I added her and I asked her if there's any chance it's his and I was really nice and polite, she spoke to me she said that he can have a dna test etc.. I put took a photo of her baby and put in a collage next to my baby's picture to show my boyfriend the resemblance.
He then spoke to her and she told him that she wants it to stay just between those two, she's pissed off that I took a photo of her son off her Facebook account and she's now blocked me. I feel already like I've been pushed out and my feelings are not being considered, if this baby is his then it's everything to do with me! That's my sons potential half brother and my boyfriends baby. I'm obviously in agony over this as it is and her blocking me has made me think something isn't quite right. I could understand if it was some random person that took the photo but I'm just a girl that's trying to find out if my son has a half brother and my boyfriend has another son and also trying to find out for my own mind. I don't know what to do.. if it's his baby, I couldn't ever accept that child and I know it sounds bad but if it's his then that baby is a mistake that should have never been there, me and my baby's dad were suppose to be a new family and planning our future and instead I've got a potential half brother for my son!

OP posts:
ethelfleda · 05/08/2019 13:22

It's up to you to give your child a stable home life and you aren't going to do that by going out with a string of blokes, ditching them and bringing his father in periodically but not being together in name. Leave this other girl alone and get your shit together

This.
And I’m also going to repeat something I read on another one of these threads... do women not think carefully before choosing fathers for their children anymore??

TwistyTop · 05/08/2019 13:22

For God's sake please ditch this arsehole. Your life will improve so much without him, I promise you.

He is an utter wanker and you don't need him.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 05/08/2019 13:23

He's shown you who he is and how he's willing to behave. You can choose to continue a relationship with someone who behaves that way (and despite some people declaring "people can change" I don't think people's basic moral code ever really changes, so he's going to remain a complete tosspot for life) or you can spend the next few months focussing solely on you and your baby, building up your self esteem and working out what you do and don't want in life.

Have to say, though, without any intended judgement, that you don't need to be in relationship after relationship. It's entirely possible to just be by yourself for a while, take care of yourself and put yourself and your baby first.

And don't steal photos from Facebook. It's beneath you.

TheTrollFairy · 05/08/2019 13:25

I would be pissed off if you took a picture off my child from Facebook.
Also, to say a young baby is a mistake is also a really mean thing to say. This child is potentially your sons sibling but that is for your boyfriend to sort and not you, this woman doesn’t really owe you anything. You don’t know what your boyfriend has said/is saying to this woman either.

This whole situation sounds messy and you are better off out of all the drama

confusedandemployed · 05/08/2019 13:28

OP, raise your standards!! This twat isn't worth wasting fresh air on, let alone another second of headspace.

FWIW I agree with PP, you were in the wrong contacting the OW.

Do yourself and your son a favour: ditch him and swear off guys altogether for a few months.

Nicknacky · 05/08/2019 13:29

What’s your boyfriend doing about finding out if this baby is his?

EssentialHummus · 05/08/2019 13:30

Vanillelle is right. Yup.

FatThor · 05/08/2019 13:31

Ah OP you both sound pretty young and dramatic!

You can do better than this and you can give your son a lovely life. Raise your bar and ditch this faithless loser though and take your time before throwing yourself into another relationship, you will be a better mother for it

Isatis · 05/08/2019 13:31

you have absolutely no right to take a picture of someone else's child from their social media

Anyone has this right. If you don't want it to happen, use the available safeguards.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2019 13:33

You think her child is a mistake who shouldn't be here and you aren't willing to accept him into your son or partners life. And you wonder why she doesn't want you messaging her and getting in the middle of the their business?

Dump him and let him see his son and contribute financially, and be single. Focus on your sin and your own self worth instead of falling from man to man.

user1493494961 · 05/08/2019 13:33

Your life sounds really chaotic. Ditch your boyfriend and concentrate on your new baby.

WishIwas19again · 05/08/2019 13:35

Saying the other baby is a 'mistake' is a cruel and heartless thing to say about a baby so you are being completely unreasonable and you need to grow up and shake yourself out of your day dream.

You have a son now, focus on the child, not creating drama with another woman, and stop letting your baby father into your lives, he's clearly not a good father or partner to you, sleeping around, coming in and out of your lives.

I would block you too, it's nothing to do with you. When the baby's are older your ex may want facilitate contact between the children, but now is not the time, wait for the dust to settle, sort your own life and child out.

Nautiloid · 05/08/2019 13:36

What a mess.
I think you need to stay completely away from this woman. Although I understand why you did what you did, I completely understand her reaction too.
The only control you have in this situation is what you do about your own relationship with your baby's father. He certainly isn't someone I'd be interested in being in a relationship with, but it's your choice. The rest you have to leave to your partner and the mother of his potential other baby.

OMGshefoundmeout · 05/08/2019 13:38

The way your BF carries on your son is likely to have many more half siblings in the future.

You cannot force another mother to maintain contact with you so I think you are best to let this go and concentrate on being a stable and reliable mum to your DS. And definitely sort out some birth control before another innocent child gets caught up in this dysfunctional mess.

SparklyMagpie · 05/08/2019 13:38

Sorry but I can't get my head around how you got with someone else so quick after you had your son. How the fuck did you have time Hmm

YouJustDoYou · 05/08/2019 13:40

He's had unprotected sex with someone else - you need an Sti check. That baby, contrary to what you believe, is NOT anything to do with you. You are just the girlfriend of the guy who shagged around and got two women pregnant. You have no rights over being involved with this baby. At all.

Your boyfriend needs to learn to use condoms.

Bambamber · 05/08/2019 13:42

I'm not surprised she was pissed off you took a photo of her baby off Facebook, that was out of order. And so is saying their baby is a mistake. If you want to find out paternity it needs to be done through proper channels, not taking photos off Facebook. Honestly saying and doing things like that makes you no better than he is. You all need to grow up. There's 2 babies that are ultimately going to suffer because of stupid, childish behaviour

BobLemon · 05/08/2019 13:43

What a catalogue of poor decisions. My relative was in a very similar situation. Her boyfriend also got someone else pregnant while she was pregnant. I kind of admired her strength through it, but all sympathy ended when she made the decision to have another baby with him.

littlepaddypaws · 05/08/2019 13:44

your boyfriend is a twat and you don't come out of this smelling of roses either op, saying such cruel things about someone elses child.
all the bed hopping is skanky behaviour anyway. get rid of the prince of skanks and look after your child.

TSSDNCOP · 05/08/2019 13:49

I put took a photo of her baby and put in a collage next to my baby's picture to show my boyfriend the resemblance.

Weirdo!

The only one behaving with any degree of dignity in this sorry scenario is your boyfriend’s other girlfriend, who may not have even known of your existence/non-existence/existence.

Pull yourself together. Be a stable parent to your own child.

Wingingthiswholething · 05/08/2019 13:53

OP, you have said some really cruel things about an innocent baby.

Your boyfriend sounds like an ass but you also were in a relationship a matter of weeks after splitting up.
I think you need to stop focussing on him and focus on your child.

It's worrying but you have bigger things to focus on right now.

I agree from this post it sounds like the only one being as sensible is the OW. You have no rights to her baby, or pictures of it.

CheesecakeAddict · 05/08/2019 13:56

Erm no. She is not the home wrecker here. Your boyfriend went out willingly and ejaculated in someone else and impregnated them. You don't really get to say whether you accept that child or not. He has a lifetime of responsibility to that other child and if you take him back in then it's your job to grow up and accept that. Or you grow some self respect and show him the door and find someone who doesn't want to dip their dick in every women going.

sue51 · 05/08/2019 14:00

Call a halt on your relationship with him. Put in a cms claim and sort out access. Be the best mother you can to your own child.

FilthyforFirth · 05/08/2019 14:00

You sound pretty dreadful to be honest. Stealing a photo of a child from fb and starting a new relationship 8 weeks post partum is awful behaviour. You deserve each other.

Iwantacookie · 05/08/2019 14:01

Op I would be pissed is you took a picture off my Facebook.
First of all ditch the bf. Leave him to find out if the other baby is his.
Then he is the one to arrange meetings of his children together.
The ow has done nothing wrong if you can I would apologise and move on.

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