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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset when Friend brings porn to my house and shows my dd15

68 replies

aliminimad · 04/08/2019 18:33

My dd’s friend brought a Karma 365 book to our house full of graphic photos of couples in different sexual positions and showed my dad. Apparently I’m over reacting when I shouted “what the hell is this!”. My husband says every teenager looks at porn and as we have taken off parental controls on our home network (ds is 17, dd 15) she could see worse on her phone or laptop. He says I should be more open or she won’t talk to me about sex if she has questions. I think it’s totally inappropriate and wanted to give the book to the girls mum and let her deal with it. Am I just too old fashion and a prude?

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 04/08/2019 18:42

If it was YOUR friend, as I assumed from the title, I would be furious but as it's her friend, they are looking together on an equal footing, not that big a deal!!

RUOKHUN · 04/08/2019 18:46

Oh thank God. From the title I thought it was your friend. Between friends it’s completely normal to look at stuff like that.

Rainbowknickers · 04/08/2019 18:48

My brother thought it was funny to show dd aged 9 porn videos on his phone

I hit the bloody roof

And now don’t speak to him

I’d be raving

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2019 18:49

You're totally overreacting, and your husband is right. Turn this into WWIII and shaming your daughter will only result in her NEVER coming to you for help with questions about sex and birth control.

RUOKHUN · 04/08/2019 18:50

@Rainbowknickers This is two girls the same age not an adult showing a 9 year old porn.

OpenYourEyes · 04/08/2019 18:50

That book is ridiculously funny, they were probably giggling over the descriptions to be honest.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/08/2019 18:51

@Rainbowknickers

Not even remotely the same situation.

ch3rrycola · 04/08/2019 18:52

We found a book of sex positions in a drawer under my mums bed my mate and I about 14, had a right good look and read Grin

Cyrusc · 04/08/2019 18:52

My brother thought it was funny to show dd aged 9 porn videos on his phone

Christ that's bad? What on earth?! Possibly illegal too exposing a child to sexual content. Your brother sounds vile!

Jinglejanglefish · 04/08/2019 18:53

I'm not sure karma sutra is really porn?

Anyway, YABU and dramatic. If you're so worried about this stuff why on earth have you turned off the parental controls?

EmeraldShamrock · 04/08/2019 18:54

You are overreacting. They are 15, it is a book, besides I rather DD sought information from the Karma then regular abusive porn.
I used to buy cosmopolitan for the sexy tips at 15.

Original poster
aliminimad · 04/08/2019 18:55

Because my husband thought it was too strict as ds is 17.

OP posts:
NoBaggyPants · 04/08/2019 18:57

It's not really porn is it? It's a book of two naked people in unrealistically bendy positions.

icelollycraving · 04/08/2019 18:57

Your husband is correct. It’s not like it was hardcore gimp porn!
If you have removed your parental settings, chances are she may well have looked at stuff already.
I understand you consider her a child but with that comes all senses of growing up. I used to read my mum’s books which were a bit racy (in the 80s) Grin

Vanillelle · 04/08/2019 19:00

There are a few things going on here!

I don't think it's that weird for 2 15 year olds to have looked at a book about the Kama sutra together. 15 year old friends are going to look at this stuff together and chat about it - it's a normal part of teenage development, and I think that if you hit the roof about it you'll ruin any chance of your daughter ever being willing to talk about sex with you.

It is a bit odd that the friend showed it to your dad but 15yos do weird things. Your dad should have shut that down by removing himself from the situation and walking away - he's the adult.

I totally agree with your husband that if you've removed parental controls they can and will be looking at worse online. At least the Kama sutra is relatively artistic and prioritises the enjoyment of both parties. That's a lot more than you can say for anything they'll see on pornhub.

peardrops1 · 04/08/2019 19:00

You are overreacting!!! It's normal for 15 year olds to be curious about sex and far better they are giggling over this than hardcore online porn which will give them really warped ideas about sex.

ashtrayheart · 04/08/2019 19:02

Their only mistake was not keeping it away from your eyes!

Sicktobloodydeath · 04/08/2019 19:02

Massive overreaction. She’s 100% looking and talking about this kind of stuff at that age. It’s healthy and normal.

user1493413286 · 04/08/2019 19:04

Sounds pretty normal; she’s 15 after all. I think you’re massively over reacting and are cementing the reasons she wouldn’t talk to you about sex

alltummy · 04/08/2019 19:04

You do mean your daughter and not your dad don't you?

sparklefarts · 04/08/2019 19:05

Rainbow what the actual fuck

Original poster
aliminimad · 04/08/2019 19:08

Yes, sorry, autocorrect

OP posts:
Original poster
aliminimad · 04/08/2019 19:12

Thanks for all your messages. I am clearly over reacting. I’m just concerned as this friend is sexually actively, ds isn’t, smokes with the consent or her parent and Is about to go on holiday with us and younger kids. I’m worried she might be a negative influence.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 04/08/2019 19:16

Why are you taking her?

GimmeeCaffeine · 04/08/2019 19:27

I think you’re overreacting.