AIBU or is this totally not on?

[Bellasblankexpression]

Been away for the weekend as had an event to attend with DH. Let a relative stay in our flat while we were gone as they were attending a wedding in the area and it would save them hotel and massive cab costs etc.

They've stayed before so didn't think it would be a problem. Hadn't heard from them other than a text to say they'd be gone by the time we got back, which isn't unusual.

Got back to find the place is an absolute tip. It's filthy - I don't understand how so much mess has been created in such a short space of time. It looks like someone has been quite unwell in the bathroom and not bothered to clean up the erm...residue.
All the toilet paper has gone [there were five rolls when I left and two more in the cupboard].
A bottle of rum has been drunk - the empty bottle has been left on the side, no attempt to conceal it. A couple of glasses are missing, judging by some of the mess on the kitchen floor I would guess they were smashed.
Our soundbar isn't working because it looks like it's been knocked off the front of the tv unit and the lead has been damaged.
the pull cord on the light in the bathroom has been snapped.
Black marks have been trod in on the living room carpet and looks like some kind of food spillage by the sofa.

I am utterly shocked. Every other time they've stayed it's been left tidily, we don't expect it to be immaculate or anything, you know just not in chaos - relative hasn't been in contact aside from that one message, and has obviously just walked out and left it with no attempt to tidy up.

I am not being unreasonable in wanting to call them up and demanding to know wtf happened am I? I don't know whether I need to cool down a bit and think rationally before I go in all guns blazing .

Never letting anyone stay when we aren't there again. Feel like an idiot.

She sounds pretty immature and ungrateful for a 28yr old tbh! Hope you get some answers this evening op.... If it was me i wouldn't be able to sleep as it would wind me up even further!
X

I feel that your Hope's for a relaxing evening may be interrupted by further discoveries I.e condoms on the bedroom floor, we on the couch...the houseguest who kept on giving...

Go to your aunts and wee on her pillow

I can't believe she did all that damage on her own, unless she's an alcoholic and drank the whole bottle herself.

Are there photos on FB from the wedding? Can you get a timeline for when she was in and out of the house?

Go round / call other relatives / do whatever it bloody takes to get hold now. Despicable behaviour and this person needs to pay.

Lurking to hear the excuses

Firstly I'd check all valuables like jewellery, cash and any tech that was left in MY home, then I'd send the photos to her parents right now, ask them to take their phone to her and ask them to put it on speakerphone her to avoid any he said she said and so they can hear whilst you ask her wtf she was playing at and tell her you expect to be reimbursed in full and she's lost the right to stay at yours ever. I'd also record the call.

So sorry this has happened to you BellasBlankExpression

Correction "put it on speakerphone there"

Depending on the age of your cousin I would probably get your aunt involved now (assuming she’s young due to living in the annexe/saving on hotel costs). I suspect your cousin will be ‘avoiding ‘ your calls for a while otherwise

If I block a number on my phone they can still dial it but it sends them straight to answerphone as if it's turned off. It is worth calling from another number OP just to see if that's what she's done.

Sorry, just seen she’s 28. That’s honestly pathetic on her part. I’d still be calling her mum!

Is there any chance someone else got into your house after she left?

Have spoken to Aunt - initially just asked if cousin was about as couldn't get hold of her. Was told she obviously had a bit too good a time as she was in a bad hungover way and had gone straight to bed.
I then explained the state my house was left in and Aunt went very quiet and said she had no idea about any of that and she would speak to her when she was up.
I insisted she get cousin to call me or I would be taking it further (I have no idea how I would take it further, as I can't see anything is missing although I'll be honest I havent checked everything as it took forever to clean up) but it sounded good.
She promised she would be in touch or cousin would be.
If I were here I'd bloody go and wake her up, but clearly she didn't fancy that.
She doesn't live close or I would just have gone round there.
And I don't really want to go down the social media route tbh, putting family drama on there makes me cringe - no offense to anyone who has resolved issues that way though!

Going to try not to think about it now for the rest of the night.

I’d be fit to be tied. Definitely tell her mum, dad, granny any one you can think of. Shocking behaviour. Try to make a list of damages and work out a cost. Make her pay.

She brought some people back for a wedding after party, definitely.

if it were me I would never speak to her again.

She's the OP's cousin and apparently they were close. That would make family gatherings very awkward. I'm all for shouting at her for a prolonged period and she wouldn't be staying in my house again for several decades and only if she left a deposit but cutting her out entirely? Just keep it civil and distant for a good while.

Wow, she sounds a delight

Oh OP how terrible! I think you're being very wise to calm down first. I dont think your cousin made the mess themselves. Sounds like they had company. Definitely call and ask what the hell happened.

I just don't understand what could have been going through her mind when she was leaving your flat, with that horrendous mess in her wake! Like, DID SHE THINK YOU WOULDN'T NOTICE? WHAT WAS HER ENDGAME?

Could she still have been drunk when she left? (Drunk logic: 'Yeah, this is probably fine...')

I wonder if it were actually in a much worse state when she got up and she did what she could in a hungover fog and left thinking it was fine? Still not good at all, and very childish to be hiding away!

I had a person work for me a few years ago. Turned up pissed, litre of vodka hanging out of her bag, clearly vomited and crapped and thought she’d cleaned up. Horrific.

Sounds like she definitely had an after party. Have you checked your recycling bin to see if its full of any more alcohol bottles?

I'll sort it out tomorrow.
I'm just glad my bathroom is now clear of sick and that I've put my house back together.

Feel a bit stupid for starting a thread about it now, but I was just so cross I think I needed to vent somewhere so when I got hold of her I could be calm and articulate - not that it's happened yet!

Let's be honest people rarely turn there mobiles off, she's clearly avoiding you. She knows exactly what she's done and it's disgraceful.
Find someone who does cleaning and show them the picture, get them to give you an idea of cost for cleaning it and then send a bill to your cousin.
Then sadly learn from this and never help her again. X

Yes, check your bins - that will tell you whether other people were there.