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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this totally not on?

452 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 17:18

Been away for the weekend as had an event to attend with DH. Let a relative stay in our flat while we were gone as they were attending a wedding in the area and it would save them hotel and massive cab costs etc.

They've stayed before so didn't think it would be a problem. Hadn't heard from them other than a text to say they'd be gone by the time we got back, which isn't unusual.

Got back to find the place is an absolute tip. It's filthy - I don't understand how so much mess has been created in such a short space of time. It looks like someone has been quite unwell in the bathroom and not bothered to clean up the erm...residue.
All the toilet paper has gone [there were five rolls when I left and two more in the cupboard].
A bottle of rum has been drunk - the empty bottle has been left on the side, no attempt to conceal it. A couple of glasses are missing, judging by some of the mess on the kitchen floor I would guess they were smashed.
Our soundbar isn't working because it looks like it's been knocked off the front of the tv unit and the lead has been damaged.
the pull cord on the light in the bathroom has been snapped.
Black marks have been trod in on the living room carpet and looks like some kind of food spillage by the sofa.

I am utterly shocked. Every other time they've stayed it's been left tidily, we don't expect it to be immaculate or anything, you know just not in chaos - relative hasn't been in contact aside from that one message, and has obviously just walked out and left it with no attempt to tidy up.

I am not being unreasonable in wanting to call them up and demanding to know wtf happened am I? I don't know whether I need to cool down a bit and think rationally before I go in all guns blazing .

Never letting anyone stay when we aren't there again. Feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 05/08/2019 18:07

At the very least, she should be offering to pay for the thefts and damage. I would make a brief list and send it to her. I would also have a discrete word with her mother that you will NEVER allow her to stay unattended in your house again.

I would also change the locks ASAP. Who knows who might have made a copy of your keys. Include this is the costs she needs to pay.

Don't post anything on social media though. That won't help.

AwfulFuckingHair · 05/08/2019 18:08

Do you think she will pay?

AwfulFuckingHair · 05/08/2019 18:08

Do you think she will pay?

threemonthstogo · 05/08/2019 18:10

Who tagged her, was it someone you know? I think I'd be commenting on that post asking for the disrespectful bunch of thieves to give me my stuff back! Sorry OP, this is really horrible, and at 17 weeks pregnant too, absolutely unbelievable she's done this.

threemonthstogo · 05/08/2019 18:11

Ugh sorry for all the duplicate posts... site issues!

BumbleBeee69 · 05/08/2019 18:13

this is awful OP, it's the intrusion into your private space by random strangers Shock it's just not right. Your cousin needs to rocket up her hung over ARSE. Flowers

jellyjellabi · 05/08/2019 18:26

Um I don’t think it’s anything to do with Aunty as pp’s have suggested - cousin is 28 not 2! Why should Aunty have to have anything to do with it?

ThomasRichard · 05/08/2019 18:29

What a stupid lie. As if it wasn’t obvious what had happened!

Winterlife · 05/08/2019 18:31

Cousin probably didn't think she'd be tagged in photos, and it's easier to explain leaving because you're ill with food poisoning rather than badly hungover.

No matter the outcome, no more staying in your apartment. Does she still have a key?

KitKat1985 · 05/08/2019 18:33

Oh dear the lying just makes it worse.

And I agree nothing to do with aunt what her 28 year old daughter does. Cousin needs to apologise and cover costs and replace missing items herself.

surroundedbyvulpices · 05/08/2019 18:34

Hm, I do think this is Auntie's business, if this is how she has brought up her child, who has apparently not quite flown the nest yet.

Crankybitch · 05/08/2019 18:35

Set up a WhatsApp group with your mum, aunt & cousin saying that she had a party at your house. List what’s damaged and the amount of money she owes you. Include the photos from Facebook

ukgift2016 · 05/08/2019 18:35

Appalling behaviour from a grown adult.

Personally I would talk to my sister/brother too if it was their (adult) child.

I would also be demanding payment for the loss of items and the price for cleaning.

Sorryisntgoodenough · 05/08/2019 18:36

She was here with a group of other people I’ve never seen before in my life.

Shock out of order! Has she replied since you sent the screen shots of the pics? Have you also sent them to your aunt? I know you are both adults but I would be furious if cousin was only giving her half the story. I would be livid in your shoes.

runreadlaugh · 05/08/2019 18:37

@crankybitch Love that idea!!! Do it!

icelollycraving · 05/08/2019 18:42

Fuck, it got worse. I would also comment on the pics (you probably can’t now though). I’d also be calling your aunt.

wildcherries · 05/08/2019 18:50

She has some nerve. I'd be furious!

nuxe1984 · 05/08/2019 18:50

So this cousin of yours who you considered a friend asked to use your flat to save her hotel and taxi money.

And she then let a bunch of strangers in who proceeded to go through your things, using them breaking them and stealing them.

I would make a list of everything that's been damaged, drunk, used or is missing... with its cost ... and send it to her saying you want it paid asap.

Copy in your aunt if necessary so she knows exactly what went on.

I would also never let her stay again as she can't be trusted!

Looks like she's going to end up paying more than the hotel and taxi would have cost her ....

MummyofTw0 · 05/08/2019 18:51

How awful!!!

SunshineCake · 05/08/2019 18:53

This woman is 28. Getting mummy involves just perpetuates the myth that the cousin is too young to deal with this shit. She's not. She needs to own up to what she has done and fix it herself without mummy bailing her out.

BrokenWing · 05/08/2019 18:55

I would be fuming and would be tempted to text her and say - this is the kind of crap that fractures families permanently, would you just pick up the phone and talk to me about how this gets fixed this before it gets out of hand. I am understandably bloody furious with you, you owe me a call.

Winterlife · 05/08/2019 18:56

SunshineCake, you are correct, but were I in this position with a family member, I'd let her mother, my mother (assuming they're sisters), and my grandparents (if alive) all know. It's the "shame" factor, in shaming her into doing the right thing.

Mummyto2munchkins · 05/08/2019 18:58
Flowers
billy1966 · 05/08/2019 18:59

OP probably loaned her flat because it was to family.

Cousin flys home to Mum feeling unwell.

Is such a brat that she lies about what she's done after binging a bunch of randomer's to her kind, pregnant cousins home.

What a selfish madam.

I would be absolutely furious.

I definitely think setting up a What'sapp group, including all photos with Aunt in the group is a great idea.
Stating clearly you expect to be fully compensated.

She is a disgrace and I certainly wouldn't let it go.

RainbowAlicorn · 05/08/2019 19:06

I agree with PP, tell your mum and any aunts before she goes in with a sob story and makes you look like the bad guy.

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