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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this totally not on?

452 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 17:18

Been away for the weekend as had an event to attend with DH. Let a relative stay in our flat while we were gone as they were attending a wedding in the area and it would save them hotel and massive cab costs etc.

They've stayed before so didn't think it would be a problem. Hadn't heard from them other than a text to say they'd be gone by the time we got back, which isn't unusual.

Got back to find the place is an absolute tip. It's filthy - I don't understand how so much mess has been created in such a short space of time. It looks like someone has been quite unwell in the bathroom and not bothered to clean up the erm...residue.
All the toilet paper has gone [there were five rolls when I left and two more in the cupboard].
A bottle of rum has been drunk - the empty bottle has been left on the side, no attempt to conceal it. A couple of glasses are missing, judging by some of the mess on the kitchen floor I would guess they were smashed.
Our soundbar isn't working because it looks like it's been knocked off the front of the tv unit and the lead has been damaged.
the pull cord on the light in the bathroom has been snapped.
Black marks have been trod in on the living room carpet and looks like some kind of food spillage by the sofa.

I am utterly shocked. Every other time they've stayed it's been left tidily, we don't expect it to be immaculate or anything, you know just not in chaos - relative hasn't been in contact aside from that one message, and has obviously just walked out and left it with no attempt to tidy up.

I am not being unreasonable in wanting to call them up and demanding to know wtf happened am I? I don't know whether I need to cool down a bit and think rationally before I go in all guns blazing .

Never letting anyone stay when we aren't there again. Feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
Coffeeandchocolate9 · 05/08/2019 17:42

Chuffing hell. You definitely need to send her an itemized chuffing bill, whether she confesses all or not. What horrific judgement she had and is still having!

NoSquirrels · 05/08/2019 17:44

Aunty needs to step in and sort out payment - and then sort out her 'child'

Cousin is 28, though. 28!

supersop60 · 05/08/2019 17:44

What a cf twat.
I think everyone needs to know what she's done.
yy to alcohol poisoning, and how utterly selfish not to clean up.
I'm angry on your behalf OP.

Mix56 · 05/08/2019 17:47

Fuck that. Don't just threaten. Report to the police .

Cohle · 05/08/2019 17:48

Oh my god, what a CF! I can't believe she's 28 that's the sort of behaviour you'd expect from a 17yo. Imagine having the balls to claim she had food poisoning.

CakeWarrior · 05/08/2019 17:49

Jeesh... my pride and joy bottle of jo malone perfume was £100! Just that alone plus the cost of the damage and what else is missing! I would send her an itemised list with a clear note to pay within 14 days. To do it is one thing.. to hide from you makes it even worse. Thats what a small child does when they are in trouble! Fucking disgraceful. Bet she wouldn't dare wreck her moms house like that would she? Blatantly goes to show the lack or respect she has for you. The fact she did it to her pregnant cousin is the cherry on the top leaving you to tidy it al! I would cut all bloody contact and she should be grateful the only thing she is getting is a bill!

CakeWarrior · 05/08/2019 17:49

Jeesh... my pride and joy bottle of jo malone perfume was £100! Just that alone plus the cost of the damage and what else is missing! I would send her an itemised list with a clear note to pay within 14 days. To do it is one thing.. to hide from you makes it even worse. Thats what a small child does when they are in trouble! Fucking disgraceful. Bet she wouldn't dare wreck her moms house like that would she? Blatantly goes to show the lack or respect she has for you. The fact she did it to her pregnant cousin is the cherry on the top leaving you to tidy it al! I would cut all bloody contact and she should be grateful the only thing she is getting is a bill!

Yb23487643 · 05/08/2019 17:50

Sounds like very stupid drunken mistake & needs make amends. Lying v stupid also, she’s no doubt feeling very bad & maybe can’t remember the full extent of it all either.
I hope she does the decent thing once properly sobered up etc. Would be good if she came clean, you just don’t know if there’s any worse to come that you’ve not found out already

1Wildheartsease · 05/08/2019 17:51

For her sake and for yours you should send her a bill!
This should be cleaning costs (at least meal out for the 'cleaners' in this case) AND enough to cover each of the missing items.

1.She needs feel that she is accountable for what she has done. This is how you learn to be a better part of society :) Being friend or family is not an excuse to treat anyone or their belongings in this way.

  1. You don't deserve to be out-of-pocket for your kindness.
Yb23487643 · 05/08/2019 17:51

I doubt any damage done maliciously but still needs make amends

Whosorrynow · 05/08/2019 17:53

now you know what she's really like, drop it for now, wait for the right opportunity, serve it nice and cold :)

Megan2018 · 05/08/2019 17:55

You could take her to court for the costs of cleaning (get a professional company in to do a deep clean) and the missing items. It'll cost you a few £ to do (but it is not much), it might scare her into coughing up and if not you may well get judgement as you have photos. That'd be very satisfying!

browneyes77 · 05/08/2019 17:55

I would be fucking RAGING!!!

Completely out of order to disrespect your home in that way. When you said how much mess there was I instinctively knew she must’ve had people back there for an after party. Did she not think you’d find out? Food poisoning was the best excuse she could come up with? Cheeky cow.

I’m telling you now if she didn’t ring me back I’d be posting some comments underneath the pictures she’s been tagged in for a start!

GnomeDePlume · 05/08/2019 17:55

Keep it simple, dont ask her to explain/excuse herself. State facts.

You had a party in my home. As a result of that party things were damged or went missing. Below is the itemised list. My bank details are..... Please settle this by Friday.

Dont bother asking why - drunk logic was the reason.

Megan2018 · 05/08/2019 17:56

use this: www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money

MJMUM1909 · 05/08/2019 17:56

Tell her if she doesnt make amends you will be informing your aunt. Although she is more than likely embarrassed and is hoping that as you are family you will let it go. She needs to face upto what she has done. Also you need to tell her that she has broken all trust between you two. That will probably hit home more than what she has done

caughtinanet · 05/08/2019 18:02

She definitely needs to pay up for everything that's missing and imo the cost of a one off deep clean to return the place to the condition it was before you went away. And copy in your aunt, she may be able to shame her into sorting it out immediately.

ShirleyPhallus · 05/08/2019 18:03

Fucking hell she must be absolutely shitting herself

Of course I’d tell the aunt

LizzieSiddal · 05/08/2019 18:04

Am I the only one who thinks threatening to call the police is rather ott?

You’ve got every right to be very angry but surely you could just say “x is missing, I’d like the money for it, now”. I’m sure she would pay you.
Threatening to call the police on a cousin for a bottle of perfume and some face oils. will lead to huge family fallouts.

threemonthstogo · 05/08/2019 18:04

Who tagged her, was it someone you know? I think I'd be commenting on that post asking for the disrespectful bunch of thieves to give me my stuff back! Sorry OP, this is really horrible, and at 17 weeks pregnant too, absolutely unbelievable she's done this.

Cohle · 05/08/2019 18:04

I agree that charging her for the missing items/booze/deep clean might at least make you feel better. And I'd have no qualms about grassing her up further to her mother.

Imagine letting your pregnant cousin come home to tidy up your mess and mop up your sick whilst you go home to your mammy and lie in bed all day. Angry

threemonthstogo · 05/08/2019 18:04

Who tagged her, was it someone you know? I think I'd be commenting on that post asking for the disrespectful bunch of thieves to give me my stuff back! Sorry OP, this is really horrible, and at 17 weeks pregnant too, absolutely unbelievable she's done this.

threemonthstogo · 05/08/2019 18:04

Who tagged her, was it someone you know? I think I'd be commenting on that post asking for the disrespectful bunch of thieves to give me my stuff back! Sorry OP, this is really horrible, and at 17 weeks pregnant too, absolutely unbelievable she's done this.

surroundedbyvulpices · 05/08/2019 18:04

I would never be able to trust her again, and I would tell her that.
I would also tell her how much she owes me, detailing everything, and make it clear that when it gets paid, it doesn't mean that all is forgiven and forgotten.

CountryGirl1234 · 05/08/2019 18:05

I think I’d be sending all this to the Aunt and letting her settle up and deal with her!
Bloody awful and totally disrespectful, especially when pregnant!