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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is this totally not on?

452 replies

Bellasblankexpression · 04/08/2019 17:18

Been away for the weekend as had an event to attend with DH. Let a relative stay in our flat while we were gone as they were attending a wedding in the area and it would save them hotel and massive cab costs etc.

They've stayed before so didn't think it would be a problem. Hadn't heard from them other than a text to say they'd be gone by the time we got back, which isn't unusual.

Got back to find the place is an absolute tip. It's filthy - I don't understand how so much mess has been created in such a short space of time. It looks like someone has been quite unwell in the bathroom and not bothered to clean up the erm...residue.
All the toilet paper has gone [there were five rolls when I left and two more in the cupboard].
A bottle of rum has been drunk - the empty bottle has been left on the side, no attempt to conceal it. A couple of glasses are missing, judging by some of the mess on the kitchen floor I would guess they were smashed.
Our soundbar isn't working because it looks like it's been knocked off the front of the tv unit and the lead has been damaged.
the pull cord on the light in the bathroom has been snapped.
Black marks have been trod in on the living room carpet and looks like some kind of food spillage by the sofa.

I am utterly shocked. Every other time they've stayed it's been left tidily, we don't expect it to be immaculate or anything, you know just not in chaos - relative hasn't been in contact aside from that one message, and has obviously just walked out and left it with no attempt to tidy up.

I am not being unreasonable in wanting to call them up and demanding to know wtf happened am I? I don't know whether I need to cool down a bit and think rationally before I go in all guns blazing .

Never letting anyone stay when we aren't there again. Feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
chuttypicks · 05/08/2019 12:40

Have you spoken to her @Bellasblankexpression ? What was her explanation for the state she left your place in and has she suitably apologised and offered recompense? I bloody hope so!!

NoWayDidISayThat · 05/08/2019 15:27

.

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 05/08/2019 16:22

Hello, sorry had a hectic day after being away.

I had a text from my cousin earlier apologising but saying she had food poisoning which is why she had to rush off and that she had tidied but it was all she could manage.
However before she text she got tagged in some
Pictures at my flat on bloody Facebook! DH spotted them this morning. I didn’t say anything to her as wanted to see if she was aware and what she would say. She was here with a group of other people I’ve never seen before in my life.

I enquired as to how she managed to drink a bottle of rum if she was so ill and how she managed to have an after party - sending her screen grabs of the pictures she’s been tagged in.

No reply.

Sent another text just saying we have realised a few items are missing (nothing of huge value, things like fancy toiletries and a bottle of Jo malone perfume but even so) and that if she doesn’t call me, be honest about what happened and help sort the damage, I’ll be calling the police.

I can’t believe she tried to cover it by just leaving and then saying she was ill. We’re friends! Or I thought we were.

If she had apologised this morning, admitted it etc, I would still be furious but I’d soften a bit. Now, I am angrier than I was yesterday.

I’m pretty sure the police won’t be that interested in a missing bottle of perfume and face oils but I just want her to own up now. It’s 100% obvious what happened. And she’s been ridiculously stupid at trying to pretend it didn’t.

Luckily my neighbour seems to be away - I’ve text her to ask if she was disturbed over the weekend but I’m hoping she’s been away the whole time and wasn’t affected.

OP posts:
PancakeAndKeith · 05/08/2019 16:23

‘Food poisoning’ my shiny white arse.

Original poster
Bellasblankexpression · 05/08/2019 16:30

Quite.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 05/08/2019 16:33

What a cheek

ohfourfoxache · 05/08/2019 16:35

What a lying fucking cowbag Shock

If your aunt is on FB she might see the photos as well......

Sexnotgender · 05/08/2019 16:39

Wow! At least be adult enough to own up to the fact you fucked up and make amends.

QuickThinkOfAName · 05/08/2019 16:42

Jesus. She's certainly something

I would be looping her mum in on it. And your parents. In fact any fucking relative I could. I would definitely be seeking money for the damage and loss of items. She's so fucking stupid.

The lying. The outright lying. I guess this is a relationship that can never return to how it was.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 05/08/2019 16:43

This will be in the Daily Mail soon. OP, you need to take a photo of yourself with a sad face.

MrMeSeeks · 05/08/2019 16:48

Omg what a coward! I Don’t use fb but i i would shame her! Tag her in the pics!let her mates see what a state she left it in and say unless your stuff is returned you’re going to the police, it may turn up..

Funghi · 05/08/2019 16:48

You say nothing of huge value but the damage she has caused, time and effort spent cleaning plus the missing items is an awful lot when added together. Had this been an actual b&b or similar, she’d be charged for the lot.

Why should you be so much worse off than before you went away when all you’ve done is do her a favour?

BottomliePotts · 05/08/2019 16:50

I would be absolutely livid, I feel so bad for you OP

pinkandstripey · 05/08/2019 16:53

I believe I predicted a sob story. Food poisoning!!!

I would call the police to make her a visit - criminal damage? Theft of items?

NoSquirrels · 05/08/2019 16:56

That’s so fucking shitty of her.

The only acceptable course of action would have been to call you, tell the truth about an after party that got out of hand, apologise profusely about her lack of judgement in inviting people round and her poor job at cleaning up after herself. And then offer to pay for a deep clean or something.

NoSquirrels · 05/08/2019 16:57

Tell her you expect to be repaid for the full cost of the Jo Malone and missing stuff.

peardrops1 · 05/08/2019 16:58

I am so shocked by this! How could she possibly have thought this was ok/ she'd get away with it??

KatnissMellark · 05/08/2019 17:05

Wow.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/08/2019 17:05

Be sure to send the pics to her mother, along with a bill for damages that your aunt can hand to your shitbag cousin.

Petitprince · 05/08/2019 17:05

Has your aunt been in touch?

Aquamarine1029 · 05/08/2019 17:07

My thought is that your bitch of a cousin was still so drunk when she left in the morning she didn't even care about the state she left your flat in. She would be dead to me.

username678889 · 05/08/2019 17:38

If it was she had food poisoning and was too ill why didn't she message or ring you to apologise and tell you that she wasn't very well and that unable to tidy up before you arrive home ?
No she didn't care and just left it .
It's alcohol poisoning not food poisoning .
I'm not surprised your annoyed at least own up properly.

ClaudiasWinkleMan · 05/08/2019 17:42

This is appalling behaviour. When did it become the norm to do really shitty things and when caught out, lie or deny and turn the phone off and hide?
Is there no personal accountably anymore? Everyday I hear of another CF just doing whatever they want and sod everyone else. I’m not an old fart but I don’t remember this amount of CF behaviour growing up.
I really hope she finds her common decency and confesses all and apologises . And replaces the stolen property. It’s the very least she can do.
So sorry this happened to you.

CoastalWave · 05/08/2019 17:42

Christ. Aunty needs to step in and sort out payment - and then sort out her 'child'

That's what I would do anyway!

The shame!

Vivianebrookskoviak · 05/08/2019 17:42

Take photos of everything, make a list of all the damage and send it to your relative demanding that they pay for repairs and for all the damage caused. If you can make a list of how much is needed to cover the damage I would and send that too. Don't wait until you've calmed down. It carries far more weight if they know exactly how angry you are. Then tell them no way are you ever allowing them to stay ever again.