AIBU for being mightily pissed off that DD's Dad let her play in a river unsupervised?

[cheesemongery]

Off to bed now any way, but this has been playing on my mind.

Daughter's dad dropper her home earlier with an apology for the state of her new jeans - oh, did you put them in with a blue sock I said (they're white) laughing it off.

No she fell in the river whilst playing with his girlfriends daughter who is 11. They were playing in the river already when she fell. They were allowed to go down to the river unsupervised.

She's 10 years old and can manage 25m in a pool at a struggle.

I'm a very strong swimmer and even I know that a bit of weed underneath can catch you unawares.

AIBU for saying she is never to go down the river again with just his gf daughter? I've already told him so anyway.

Anyway just needed to get that off my chest!

YABU for putting white jeans on a 10 yr old 🙄 Was it with yr ex nearby or were they out alone?

I guess it depends on the river and how far away the adults were. If it was shallow I’d let DD go and play if I could see her or check on her at intervals. If she was wading about up to her waist etc then no i’d want to be supervising properly.

Haha Bookworm - they were a present from Nana, along with a neon top so I take no responsibility on that front. I did ask her if she was thinking 80's Fame...

Dad and his GF were still at the house. The river is a short walk away from what I understand - certainly not next to the house.

Kids drown every year here in australia swimming in rivers, even if they're ok swimmers. The current, reeds and submerged objects can make it pretty dangerous compared to a pool or the sea.

At 10yo i think yanbu to be annoyed and to expect her dad or a responsible adult to be supervising next time.

I wouldn't let my dc's who are very strong swimmers be unsupervised in my swimming pool in my backyard at that age and even now as teenagers, the rule is that there always needs to be someone else around.

That was my initial reaction Pillowcase, to think of how many people have drowned in this recent heatwave here. She was in jumper and jeans too which makes it feel even worse for me, as I have all my life saving qualifications etc and know what to do if getting into trouble in water clothed and how difficult it is to swim in jeans, sweatshirt and trainers.

Anyway, she is fine thankfully, I'm just so pissed off at the whole thing.

I'm another person in Aus a bit paranoid about kids and water, the stats are horrible. Small kids drown in back yard pools, often it is lakes/rivers/water holes for older kids. Always lack of supervision, I would be pissed off too.

I think you need to clarify ‘river’ - ankle deep large stream or a deep channel with boats going past.

And please don't ever automatically believe a child who says they know how to swim. I have had multiple children tell me that they could swim (when their mothers had already warned me that they couldn't). These were kids who were in theory old enough to know the difference.

YANBU.

This was irresponsible to the point of being neglectful of your DD's father.

Are you middle class OP?

YANBU. We live in Australia, near a creek...the creek is about 4-5 foot deep and even my 14 year old's not allowed to play in there without adults nearby.

We have drownings yearly on our beaches and even a creek is risky.

Rosehip Wtf are you asking that for?? How rude.

YANBU

A tiny stream is ok. Anything more is dangerous and kids and older teens die in rivers every year. Its completely unsafe to let them play in any river unsupervised

I think YANBU because they shouldn’t have been at the river alone.

If they’d been on a picnic or some such, and the parents had been only feet away it would be different.

For me, 25m at a struggle means she’s effectively a non-swimmer so no she shouldn’t have been in a river where she could go deep. I grew up near the sea and always had a healthy respect of the water. It used to amaze me each year how many visitors to the area were totally irresponsible. It is so easy to trip, get stuck in a current, plants etc, there can be hidden ledges, deep spots.

It's not just the danger of drowning (and I agree that she's a non-swimmer), but also and more likely, the danger of infection. There's been a lot in the media this week that no UK rivers are clean enough to swim in. I'd be making the river out of bounds for that reason alone tbh.

YADNBU

Extremely dangerous and neglectful to all two young children near a river unsupervised.

Is your EX stupid? It certainly sounds like it.

I'd be furious, that's ridiculous. Unless it's a tiny wee burn with an inch of water in the bottom. But since you said 'river' I'm assuming it's an actual river.

It depends on the river - can't see anything wrong at that age if it was a shallow young river, say about 9 inches deep.

It's a problem I find really difficult. We used to picnic at a lock on a river, and I'd be off exploring on my own - crossing the lock gates, walking down to the weir, well out sight. And at the same age my mother and her cousin would spend whole days down there, in their case walking from the village 2 miles away. I'd had it impressed on me that rivers had shelves - you'd be standing in 6 inch water and the next step you could have water over your head. So I wouldn't have dreamt of going in, or doing anything that risked me falling in.

What is the right age for children to start learning to be around water?

Are you middle class OP?

Why is that relevant - are you stupid ?

It is dangerous OP - paddling in rivers is fun - but unsupervised is crazy. I've lost two friends to river swimming accidents - and they were strong swimmers and young adults not children.

How deep was the river?

If it was a shallow stream and she slipped and sat in it, then I think most 10 year olds would be fine.

Anything deeper than half a metre and it was very unreasonable not to have an adult present!

I swam in a deep river as an adult, I swam to the middle and could feel the tug of the undercurrent. It was scary looking at the expanse of murky water, which looked so still until I got in deeper! I've never done it since. Rivers can harbour all sorts of parasites, Weils disease, bacteria and hidden reeds or trash. My friend once stepped in a nest of baby eels wading barefoot through a stream (knee deep) and was nipped quite badly!

YANBU, children should always be supervised in rivers, even if they’re strong swimmers.

I look back to my childhood and reflect on amazing times spent playing by a river, swing etc. Couldn't swim until a teenager. But would I be happy if it was my children? No, I don't think so. Though I agree clarity on the river is needed.

Depends on how deep the river is. If it is only a foot deep don't see the issue.

No, I wouldn't allow that at all :( :( :( I'd be very upset that it happened.