AIBU for being mightily pissed off that DD's Dad let her play in a river unsupervised?

[cheesemongery]

Off to bed now any way, but this has been playing on my mind.

Daughter's dad dropper her home earlier with an apology for the state of her new jeans - oh, did you put them in with a blue sock I said (they're white) laughing it off.

No she fell in the river whilst playing with his girlfriends daughter who is 11. They were playing in the river already when she fell. They were allowed to go down to the river unsupervised.

She's 10 years old and can manage 25m in a pool at a struggle.

I'm a very strong swimmer and even I know that a bit of weed underneath can catch you unawares.

AIBU for saying she is never to go down the river again with just his gf daughter? I've already told him so anyway.

Anyway just needed to get that off my chest!

exactly @isabellerossignol

also what tea has failed to grasp is the entire point of the thread - she was unsupervised in the river, she never leaves my side in the sea.

If you are out of your depth in the sea you need to be able to erm swim back into it. Treading water or floating you are likely to end up further out and in more difficulty.

Bingo! Your kids just drowned because they are fighting against the current to get back to shore.

Sorry about that.

@teatreaandmoretea

please don't take your kids in the sea.

If it is 3 foot deep in the middle then it is a stream at that point, NOT a river.

Where is the evidence of 10/11 year olds drowning in UK streams because they trip up?

If it is 3 foot deep in the middle then it is a stream at that point, NOT a river.
Where is the evidence of 10/11 year olds drowning in UK streams because they trip up?

Ooh I think the gf has arrived. Or Ex.

If it is 3 foot deep in the middle then it is a stream at that point, NOT a river.

What if your child is 3ft tall? 4ft tall even?

Okay it's a stream, she's 4 ft tall in a 3ft stream - do you even listen to yourself?

Sorry everyone - even though it's a well known river, the 10th biggest river in the UK - it's a stream.

and they were both unsupervised which was the original issue @newstart1337

Sorry cheesemongery wasn't passing judgement on whether or not it was right to allow your children to paddle in the stream unsupervised.

Was just asking for evidence of the apparently numerous (from posters) incidents of sensible 10/11 yo, who can swim, drowning in streams because of 'seaweed' trips etc. I have never heard of any.

I’d let them play in a small sized river like the OP described with shallows for paddling but not unsupervised. Not even as a teen under 18. More teens drown than ten year olds because they get that immortality overconfidence syndrome.

OP is correct that the kids should have been supervised. Not just against drowning but in event of any first aid like a cut foot or twisted ankle.

sigh I'm sorry, I'll get them to rename the river a stream. I do know where it is, I am 10 minutes from it.

Erm we've had a few deaths this last couple of years - at least 2 in aforementioned 'stream' both adults, and one if not more in the local reservoir. All hot sunny days.

I'll PM you the local news stories from the last few years if you want to keep a record.

"Was just asking for evidence of the apparently numerous (from posters) incidents of sensible 10/11 yo, who can swim, drowning in streams because of 'seaweed' trips etc. I have never heard of any."

I have. Then again, I have family near the Norfolk Broads, where there are avoidable deaths every year.

I did not let DC swim without adult supervision until they were adult-sized teens. And then they knew not to swim alone, to look out for each other, not to jump in to water outdoors because of cold shock, not to swim where locals didn't etc, and always to remember there are hazards - weed, trolleys etc - anywhere

@AngelasAshes - thank you.

Of course I am not against the girls having fun, and have had to defend myself fiercely on her sea swimming.

The entire point was - that it was a) unsupervised and b) a river - as mentioned knowing our area, plenty of hazards would exist in the form of rubbish before we even accounted for rocks, weeds, rocks covered with weeds - everything slippery (unlike the sea).

Oh well, I don't think I am BU purely for the unsupervised part.

People can judge all they like about daughters sea ability, but one poster has already proven that her children would likely drown in the event of a strong current by assuming you swim through it to shore - I really hope she doesn't teach her children to do that. Each to their own though.

@EdithWeston

Exactly. I suspect we know the same river but pronounce it differently

Many a lovely holiday in Norfolk at various places, beaches and broads, I'd still love a boat to pootle along on - and yes, we'd be wearing life jackets because it's a river. I'm getting adverts for sea kayaks now!

The river the OP is talking about is also a tidal river. So depending on the tide, the water can go from shallow & gentle to powerful surges of deep water. So the same part of the river can go from harmless to very dangerous in only 2-3hrs.

@cheesemongery
No, don’t worry. People who have never lived by the sea have no idea how swimming in it makes you a very strong swimmer. We lived by the beach for several years when my kids were 10-14 or so and swam almost every day, year round (this was abroad with forces).

I grew up by a large U.K. river., father Thames but upriver from London in the country. So I am familiar with rivers too.
Kids can be excellent swimmers but still need supervision because there is no substitute for an experienced adult.
We live by Great Ouse now and respect it.

“Was just asking for evidence of the apparently numerous (from posters) incidents of sensible 10/11 yo, who can swim, drowning in streams because of 'seaweed' trips etc. I have never heard of any.”

That’s similar to asking a Florida parent who warns you about alligators in rivers...well how many kids get attacked?
Tells you nothing because the locals know to keep their kids out of the rivers

The river the OP is talking about is also a tidal river. So depending on the tide, the water can go from shallow & gentle to powerful surges of deep water. So the same part of the river can go from harmless to very dangerous in only 2-3hrs.

Thank you @AngelasAshes. I was getting so annoyed with people commenting that it's just a stream - erm no, it's a river. Half of the town has been covered in floods at one point due to lack of defenses.

Anyway, my washing is done, so I shall take myself off to bed knowing DD is safe and that my original point was about supervision. I wouldn't let her get in unless I knew I was right there on hand, and even then, because we don't know what's underneath with all the crap dumped in ie shopping trolley's then it's a flat no from me.

I'm so boring clearly

Kids can be excellent swimmers but still need supervision because there is no substitute for an experienced adult.

We live by Great Ouse now and respect it.

Exactly, it's all about respect and knowledge, not how many lengths you can swim, and that goes for adults too.

The most powerful thing known to man is water. Never underestimate it and what it can do.

Right I'm proper off to bed now! The Ouse is lovely, in spite of my post I love rivers, I studied physical geography so the formation appeals to me too. I just don't want my 10 year old in there without an adult to pull her out if anything went awry.

Night night.

also what tea has failed to grasp is the entire point of the thread - she was unsupervised in the river, she never leaves my side in the sea.

Nope I didn't fail to grasp that at all. She shouldn't be in the river unsupervised regardless of swimming OR out of her depth in the sea with her very basic/ beginner level of swimming.

Where I was on reflection slightly unfair is that if your ex wanted to criticise you (which I would) he should have actually arranged some swimming lessons because that isn't purely your responsibility. But I totally stand by that your dd's level of swimming out of her depth in the sea frightens me - Please take that on board

The river the OP is talking about is also a tidal river. So depending on the tide, the water can go from shallow & gentle to powerful surges of deep water. So the same part of the river can go from harmless to very dangerous in only 2-3hrs.

This actually also is the case for non-tidal streams/ rivers the level is staggeringly different dependent on rain levels.

People can judge all they like about daughters sea ability, but one poster has already proven that her children would likely drown in the event of a strong current by assuming you swim through it to shore - I really hope she doesn't teach her children to do that. Each to their own though.

I have absolute respect for the sea. Your Dd could easily get into difficulties without any current at all . I don't understand why you are so dismissive about real danger, genuinely