AIBU for being mightily pissed off that DD's Dad let her play in a river unsupervised?

[cheesemongery]

Off to bed now any way, but this has been playing on my mind.

Daughter's dad dropper her home earlier with an apology for the state of her new jeans - oh, did you put them in with a blue sock I said (they're white) laughing it off.

No she fell in the river whilst playing with his girlfriends daughter who is 11. They were playing in the river already when she fell. They were allowed to go down to the river unsupervised.

She's 10 years old and can manage 25m in a pool at a struggle.

I'm a very strong swimmer and even I know that a bit of weed underneath can catch you unawares.

AIBU for saying she is never to go down the river again with just his gf daughter? I've already told him so anyway.

Anyway just needed to get that off my chest!

I think I'm in a parallel universe or something. The OP's daughter was allowed, unsupervised, into a river... and the first response was a smart-arse comment about her wearing white jeans. FFS.

OP, YANBU. I'd be livid too.

Just as a public service announcement- anything over ankle depth is potentially dangerous. Two to three feet definitely is. Please don’t let your children play unsupervised in water deeper than ankle height.

My son (a year older) can swim 20 legnths in 20 minutes, so an ok swimmer. I wouldn't let him play in a river on his own (well not one more than thigh deep). A slip, a knock and a bang on a rock would be all it would take before you're relying on the other child to rescue their playmate. I'm a qualified rescue Diver and strong swimmer and think I could just about get a heavy 10 year old out the water safety ....another kid no chance

There are sadly so many deaths in uk from children and adults swimming in rivers and being caught in reeds or things they can not see. YANBU

YANBU. Another Aussie here, contemplating househunting and there are a surprising lot of houses with pools which makes me a bit nervous.

Depends on the "river" if it's a little stream like the "river" near me unless it's in flood it's fine, it's about 30cm deep (the dogs back sticks out lying down) but proper rivers are more dangerous and we have had a lot of rain which ca turn little streams into torrents

Meh. She fell over whilst paddling. Most adults drowning in rivers have consumed alcohol. There are local swimming holes all over the country, from the River Dart to River Derwent, that locals know of and try to keep hidden from the masses. Most are reasonably safe and give pleasure to generations of children.
Leaping into a freezing quarry is foolhardy if you aren’t acclimatised but splashing in shallows, it’s fine. Im guessing her father knew the spot?

Yanbu re the unsupervised paddling, swimming ability is irrelevant tbh. But .....

To the person who asked why she couldn't swim - she can. Like I said 25m in pool, but she has also swan in the sea WITH ME - jumping over waves, swimming over them getting out of depth, even skulling over waves so yes if she can swim in the sea I am confident of her abilities, but not unsupervised.

I am more amazed that you let a child who can barely swim out of her depth in the sea. 25 metres is like nothing and her being supervised isn't necessarily going to help. If I was her dad I'd be very very unhappy about this.

I wonder why we as a society are now so paranoid. I saw a presentation on play so fascinating seeing the distance the average 10 year old was allowed to roam in 1909 it was 2 miles shrunk every decade now its the back garden.

Was a summer evening recently my 10 year old wanted to go out on her bike round our safe neighbourhood. I let her but felt uneasy and her friends mums all said they wouldn’t let their own dds out. It feels sad. It felt like she was under house arrest. I played in rivers alone from 8 onwards and no one batted an eyelid.

YNBU.
At all.

It is not paranoid to say that two/three feet of water is potentially dangerous.

Rivers are dangerous! I imagine in days of old lots more children died of drowning!

The River Irwell near me has bits where it’s more shallow, there are ‘beaches’ and you can theoretically paddle- only every year children drown as it only takes a few paces to get suddenly deep and swept by strong currents. A 12 year old died a few weeks ago and yet on a hot day people are still there! I do open water swimming in lakes and the sea but would never ever get in a river. I have got into a ‘stream’ near a lake and ended up in trouble clinging to a tree on the side.

It doesn’t matter how deep you think it is or how safe you perceive it, never ever let your children into a running body of water above ankle height even with supervision, unless they are wearing flotation devices!

Was a summer evening recently my 10 year old wanted to go out on her bike round our safe neighbourhood. I let her but felt uneasy and her friends mums all said they wouldn’t let their own dds out. It feels sad. It felt like she was under house arrest. I played in rivers alone from 8 onwards and no one batted an eyelid.

Totally by this - my 10 yo goes out on her own locally on her bike, not really comparable to playing in a river of running water with currents. And FWIW my 10 year old is a very strong swimmer so has swum in the sea out of her depth supervised.

Unsurprisingly more children die when out cycling then drown in rivers. Cars are far more lethal than shallow water.

Very few children die in rivers in U.K. Very few people, in fact. Most inland drowning is not because people have decided to swim; most incidents are people walking under the influence or messing around near fast flowing water.
Splashing around in a known safe spot at ten is quite low risk.

The 12 year old was a Somali refugee, tragically and her family dispute it being an accident as she didn’t swim and never went near the river normally.

Unsurprisingly more children die when out cycling then drown in rivers. Cars are far more lethal than shallow water.

And a lot more children play on bikes than in rivers 🙄👏

Started 2 new jobs in the last fortnight, so I am beyond knackered.

Thank you to all that agree with me that anything could happen in a river, whether it be drowning or indeed a badly cut foot on all the cans, glass and shit that are thrown in to rivers.

I've just googled for my own interest, it is the 10th longest river in the UK and starts from our town until it stretches 100 miles to the East coast.

As for this - I am more amazed that you let a child who can barely swim out of her depth in the sea. 25 metres is like nothing and her being supervised isn't necessarily going to help. If I was her dad I'd be very very unhappy about this.

Again you have no idea what you are talking about. I didn't teach my child to swim lengths or widths. The first things I taught her were treading water - 5 mins looking at the clock, and diving down to pick up her goggles from the bottom. She also know that skulling on her back is not only fun but an energy saver if she needs it.

She's never had paid lessons, we don't go in the pool to do lengths - yes she'll struggle with a length and back - but we rarely go out 50 metres into the sea - usually 10 is deep enough. I repeat again, she knows about tides, currents, treading water and skulling and she is always with me, so I don't really understand what your problem is - did you not teach your child these life saving skills or did you just assume because they can swim lengths they have the stamina to actually survive?

Again, she is fine, it's interesting to see the points though, especially the misinterpreted ones

Just as a public service announcement- anything over ankle depth is potentially dangerous. Two to three feet definitely is. Please don’t let your children play unsupervised in water deeper than ankle height.

Thank you @BertrandRussell

and lots of others who appreciate the dangers of rivers rather than faffing over how many lengths you can do in a pool/what survival skills you learn to cope with sea swimming and ...

whatever any other ninnypicking (can't believe wrote that) people want to bring up

As for the others because I'm pissed off - how many of you have trained your kids to take off their leggings/trousers if needs be in the water, and have them put behind the head for a float? I'm not even going to explain how it's done, but my 10 year old can do it whilst treading water. Yeah shit at lengths though.

Still wouldn't want her in a river!

As PP have said - knowing how to swim will be zero help if a child is unconscious after slipping and hitting their head on a river rock.

You would definitely not be unreasonable to ask that an adult keep an eye on them while they play.

Again you have no idea what you are talking about. I didn't teach my child to swim lengths or widths. The first things I taught her were treading water - 5 mins looking at the clock, and diving down to pick up her goggles from the bottom. She also know that skulling on her back is not only fun but an energy saver if she needs it.

Your child can barely swim 25 metres, so isn't a good swimmer. Your responsibility though rock on. 5 minutes treading water seriously?

Your child your decision though hun 😳

The OP isn’t angry about what happened, she’s angry about what could have happened!

Merci @LaBelleSauvage123!

Haha thanks hun

Still wouldn't want her in a river!

My 10 year old is in swim club and I wouldn't let her play in a river. At least there's something we're agreed on.

Surely floating and treading water are far more important skills for safety purposes than swimming is? Particularly floating.

If you are out of your depth in the sea you need to be able to erm swim back into it. Treading water or floating you are likely to end up further out and in more difficulty.

And people who can swim can generally tread water and float 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄