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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for being mightily pissed off that DD's Dad let her play in a river unsupervised?

121 replies

cheesemongery · 04/08/2019 01:58

Off to bed now any way, but this has been playing on my mind.

Daughter's dad dropper her home earlier with an apology for the state of her new jeans - oh, did you put them in with a blue sock I said (they're white) laughing it off.

No she fell in the river whilst playing with his girlfriends daughter who is 11. They were playing in the river already when she fell. They were allowed to go down to the river unsupervised.

She's 10 years old and can manage 25m in a pool at a struggle.

I'm a very strong swimmer and even I know that a bit of weed underneath can catch you unawares.

AIBU for saying she is never to go down the river again with just his gf daughter? I've already told him so anyway.

Anyway just needed to get that off my chest!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/08/2019 12:17

For me it would depend on the river and the state of it on that day. From your description no I wouldn't be happy.

isabellerossignol · 04/08/2019 12:22

Sorry, I know the OPs child can swim I was just wondering why someone else was even asking the question because often in a river being able to swim would make no difference at all.

IsobelRae23 · 04/08/2019 12:24

But swimming 25metres isn’t a lot at 10. By the first year of high school both my boys were doing 80 lengths each time we went swimming. I still would hand on heart say they are not ‘sea’ swimmers. When paddle boating etc, I still make them where life jackets- and ones 19!!! But the reality is he’s little experience of sea swimming, he’s never been caught by a current and he openly admits he would not know what to do. Please stop saying your daughter can swim in the sea- she can’t, she paddles. You should know that.

KUGA · 04/08/2019 12:38

YANBU.
The fact that she fell is why they should be supervised.
She could have easily knocked herself out.

Ilovemylabrador · 04/08/2019 12:42

I'd be cross. Mine can swim a mile -but in a pool. Rivers are totally different.

summersherewishiwasnt · 04/08/2019 12:56

Ankle deep water is a stream
A river I would assume at least knee deep . Yanbu. Your ex is lazy.

Original poster
cheesemongery · 04/08/2019 13:22

Please stop saying your daughter can swim in the sea- she can’t, she paddles. You should know that. @IsobelRae23

which part of she swims in the sea with me, out her her depth and we 'skull' do you know what that means? On our backs feet first at high oncoming waves...

You know weeeee..... where your feet go over and you use your hands to keep you up? Clearly not.

She's not paddling lol.

She prob can swim more than 25 metres, but we are not pool swimmers, pool for playing diving etc, but we have been sea swimmers since she was 6 - so no she doesn't paddle. We have body boards and twist and turn when we've misjudged a mega wave - but the fact is, I am with her, I am a super strong swimmer and she never leaves my sight.

So DFOD with your paddling LOL

So even after all that, I still do not agree with her being 3ft deep in a river and able to fall over unsupervised.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheesemongery · 04/08/2019 13:26

@IsobelRae23

just because yours aren't sea swimmers doesn't mean mine aren't, my eldest is 22. There is a family house in France that has been available to us since before DD was born, so yes all summer, every summer - sea swimmers. We know about tides and currents. We judge our day on them.

But I still don't want her unsupervised up to her thighs in a local river in England.

We sea kayak too, of course we ALL wear life jackets, we go out very far. DD knows how to tread water - I taught her all these things in the pool, BUT she gets warn out after swimming a length. So yes she is not the strongest swimmer but fuck off with your paddling.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheesemongery · 04/08/2019 13:28

People clearly aren't getting that it is a river in England, probably full of loads of shit that will at least cut her feet, stones and rocks she could have fallen on, clearly she fell over something.

Anyway I reiterate for the 3rd time, she is fine, but it is not something I will allow again unless there is a responsible adult with her.

OP posts:
ddl1 · 04/08/2019 13:49

If an actual river, YA definitely NBU. Since it was apparently only her trousers that were messed up, I wonder if it might have been a brook or stream rather than a real river, in which case it is not so bad. But playing in or risking a fall into a river is definitely a bad idea: not just because of the drowning risk, but because most rivers are polluted and/or infection risks.

FenellaMaxwell · 04/08/2019 13:56

You can’t have it both ways either she can “manage 25m at a struggle” or she’s a confident swimmer. Hmm

Either way, if they were given flip flops then clearly it’s only a few inches deep where they were. If 3ft is the deepest part then it’s not exactly the Nile. So YABU.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 04/08/2019 14:06

My 9 year old is a very confident swimmer. She regularly will swim 50 lengths with me at the pool. She competes in triathlons.

I still do not let her out of my sight in a swimming pool for more than the time it takes for one of us to complete a length and turn round.

My general view is that nobody should ever swim in a pool where you are out of your depth without there being someone else present. Cramp is surprisingly common with length swimming and it very quickly can lead to danger of even the strongest swimmers. Because the pain is so unbearable that all you can do is grab your foot to try and relieve it. The fact that you are slowly sinking and can’t breathe is basically irrelevant in face of the pain. (For those who haven’t had cramp whilst swimming imagine someone taking hold of your first two toes in one hand and your other toes in the other hand and then yanking his hands apart.)

As for unsupervised river swimming - not a chance.

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2019 14:46

This is why I object so much to the “swimming is an essential life skill” stuff. All those poor children having and hating swimming lessons for years because it might save their lives. No it won’t. Being able to swim 50m in a warm, calm obstruction free swimming pool in a swimsuit is a completely different thing to any sort of swimming you might have to do to save your life.

KurriKurri · 04/08/2019 15:00

This is why I object so much to the “swimming is an essential life skill” stuff. All those poor children having and hating swimming lessons for years because it might save their lives. No it won’t. Being able to swim 50m in a warm, calm obstruction free swimming pool in a swimsuit is a completely different thing to any sort of swimming you might have to do to save your life.

I totally agree. The two friends I lost were both strong swimmers it didn't help them in the slightest. One got caught in awhirlpool in a relatively shallow part of the river (not over head height) one got knocked unconscious by a hidden underwater object and drowned.
I am also a strong swimmer - I would think my chances of survival if I got into difficulties at sea woudl be minimal - I'd probably die of cold very quickly as many people do.

Yes leanr to swim - it is great, but don't realy on it to save your life, take proper safety precautions and don't get into unsafe situations, or tke unnecessary risks (like allowing kids to play unsupervised in a river - how much trouble is it really to just sit on the bank and keep an eye on them while they paddle ?)

lljkk · 04/08/2019 17:55

She went in flipflops and jeans.
Doesn't sound like she was supposed to wade in above foot level.
The river only gets 'waist deep' (adult waist I guess) in the middle.
So she literally fell over in the ankle-deep area?
Meh.

BenWillbondsPants · 04/08/2019 17:59

God almighty, some people really seem to have deliberately missed the point with this thread.

No, OP YANBU one teeny, tiny bit.

HeresMe · 04/08/2019 18:19

Is it a river a stream, there is plenty of people who call a stream a river when it's a little bit of water.

IamtheOA · 04/08/2019 18:23

I'd be angry with the ex...
But...
If he can't be trusted, then you probably have to hammer the rules into her yourself.

Proseccoinamug · 04/08/2019 18:54

I’d let mine at that age, if it’s only two or three feet deep.

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2019 18:57

“I’d let mine at that age, if it’s only two or three feet deep.”

I’m a famously risk embracing parent- but two or three feet in an unknown river can be deadly. Anything over ankle deep can knock you over.

AnyFucker · 04/08/2019 18:59

Yanbu

Whatever "class" you are and however good at swimming your daughter is

AnyFucker · 04/08/2019 19:01

I would imagine pretty much all UK rivers are tremendously swollen just now due the vast amounts of rain we have had recently.

Some whole towns are in danger of getting washed away so letting a skinny 6 stone wet through 10 year old unsupervised near water is no less than stupid

Paddingtonthebear · 04/08/2019 19:01

Yes I’d be angry with the ex but at 10yrs old your DD should also what she is and isn’t allowed to do and what is and isn’t safe.

Any decent swimming lesson provider should include water safety skills from beginners level upwards. At 10yrs old she could easily do a swim safe course.

But playing in rivers at any age is dangerous. Plenty of adults die after falling into rivers.

BlueSkiesLies · 04/08/2019 19:06

A ricer 3 foot deep at its deepest?

She fell and only her trousers are wet?

YABU

LaBelleSauvage123 · 04/08/2019 19:38

The OP isn’t angry about what happened, she’s angry about what could have happened!