People who have never experienced being in family court

[SavanahXx]

It really does my head in when people side with social services. They have an opinion that "they are just doing what's best for the child". These people that have the opinion mostly have never even had involvement with SS, therefore don't see the lies and manipulation of a situation that they use.

It's easy for them to say that a parent 'could pose a risk' but do you know how hard it is to prove you wouldn't?

I seen an utterly revolting article that really baffled me. Social workers manage to get away with this stuff daily. Yet its not reported as it should be. This child was removed, with a judges permission. Then placed back with the mother by another judge.
There is so much corruption in our society and it needs to change.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/06/13/social-worker-criticised-child-taken-away-mother-refused-give/amp/

Also OP saying that a social worker has never had a bad thing happen to them is insulting and shows how blinkered you are.

Many SWs go into the job because of experiences they or others close to them have. I went into it as a victim of DV and alcoholic parents (as a child) - no SS involvement because it was 70s/80s. In my team we've got 3 ex care leavers, several with family members who have severe disabilities (MH/LD etc)
It's rare that people who haven't had some of these experiences are attracted to the profession in the first place.

I read a lot of court judgements, specifically family court (anyone can do this as where suitable they are published) the truth is many court judgements are highly critical of social services and their errors or carelessness. However it’s usually and error that results in delays in the children being adopted or settled, potentially putting them
In more harm in the short term or in unsuitable living arrangements. There are cases where SS act in a way that punished the parent unnecessarily but unfortunately usually it’s the child who suffered.

However they are obviously the cases that got to court- and potentially high court or appeal- which increases the chance something went wrong along the way.

@SavanahXx well no one can be warned of the issues you have had because every case is different, and can't be expected to just take your word for it? Beating a dead horse here aren't we really. We can't take away the fact you sound like you have been through an awful time and you are exactly within your rights to share you're experience, however being a little open minded towards some of the experts on here who have most importantly protected real children and families at risk and done a damn great job at it too.

@Bored40 agreed

YABU. You clearly have a chip on your shoulder.

Forgot to say, many of the sw's involved in my case simply disappeared. One of them was caught downright lying. And had contravened legal advice, telling me I couldn't get a no molestation order out against my ex (despite police intervention and them actually telling me I needed to do that).

The system is a joke. And the fact that my case probably cost the LA thousands of pounds. On the back of (false, and they were proven to be false!!!) allegations. My daughter nearly ended up in care. I nearly lost my job and career. I will fight this injustice til the day I die. It's on her record, on my record. And it won't go away

Some haven't? Some have had a great life handed on a plate to them and can never fully understand the situations try find themselves in. They say they understand. But most don't. Not by far.

They in themselves in**

And this is what I was aiming for, hopefully giving parents an opportunity to speak out about the awful stuff they've had to put up with. Alot of parents are scared to speak out in fear that they will be criticised for not having the opinions that social services do an amazing job. Well maybe, just maybe, some people will speak out know that there are other people out there that have experienced nearly the same situation as them.

I work next to the hospital social workers - and the shit I see daily - ok this is Older Persons rather than children, but nonetheless, the threshold for intervention is ridiculously high - people don't have children 'stolen' into the system, to have a child taken into care, so many interventions and support are put into place before it gets that far. A parent has to be pretty negligent, feckless and incompetent for that to happen.

Without exception, every parent with a child in care/adopted will say it wasn't their fault, it was the system, the SW, etc and never admit they are wrong or engage with help. They don't accept responsibility for their poor parenting and bad actions.

The few cases I'd been privy to with children involved have been abused women who simply will not leave their partners, despite knowing those children are being abused and witnessing beatings. So much help is offered to those women to leave but they wont take it. (I know that's a simplistic over view) . Nonetheless they would rather lose their children, and subsequently bitterly berate the system, rather than engage with it and forge a new life without Fisty McFistface.

Iasktoomanyquestions fair point.

How do you explain my case then?

@SavanahXx well there's no point being salty about it. So what if they have had "good" a lot haven't. You're going round in circles here with blunt and less and less informative or helpful input. To be honest, you sound like you are really hurting and you probably just want to bash SS all together. That is fine, but I'm just going to say it: you are not the only one going through shit. This is your shit and that's fine, but you have no right to presume that anyone working in SS has had it easier than you. I think you should speak to someone, you sound broken hearted understandably and a bit lost. I'm sorry that you have had this awful experience with SS

We've had SS involved with our family for the last 10 months, in that time we've seen seven different Social Workers. We were told over six weeks ago that we'd be assigned a new case worker but we have yet to hear from them .
At least three of the seven we've seen have lied through their back teeth, when I've pulled them up on the lie they've then passed our case on to a different SW.
When I've mentioned the lies to the next SW I've been told "You need to draw a line under that and move on", they must teach them that as part of their degree because they all repeat it like parrots.
Imagine being so utterly shite at your job that you spend your day lying and covering up your colleagues lies, personally I couldn't live like that.
The Social Worker's mantra "You can only do what you can do" yeah bollocks.

OP,
You're not helping the situation FFS. I say that as a BIRTH PARENT.

I was failed as a child and I have the evidence to back it up. Including the fact the social services knew i was being abused but left me in that environment. It was the 2000s so the understanding of trauma and stuff probably wasn't as well know.

I am also a birth parent who has had two children adopted because I was ill. I agreed with the local authority that it was the best thing I could do. Give them the safe happy life I had been denied. I accepted I couldn't cope at that point. As the day passes I realise that I am woefully alone in having that insight. Sometimes the pain is worth someone else happiness.

I don't blame social services but, i do feel frustrated towards the woefully poor mental health services that only stepped in when it was too late.

I don't understand that rather being angry at the professionals in the line of fire why don't birth parents turn that rage into something good.

Since I last saw my girls I have spent every minute of my life wanting to get better and break the cycle. I write openly and honestly about my mental health, I pay privately for therapy and I am examining everything.

I read the reports and don't cry about lies, I see where i could have done better.

Every time a birth parent rages about social services it does little to help the situation. As clearly people are not owning up to their own failings.

YABU. You clearly have a chip on your shoulder.

Agreed

I'm done.

OP if it helps you to believe that most SWs are born with a silver spoon in their mouths and are go into the profession to snatch children then so be it.

I'm sorry if you've had a bad experience, but you don't have an understanding of what evidence is. Evidence isn't one experience. Prejudice and assumptions are not evidence. That's why you're getting the responses you're getting on this thread.

Although I’m going to be honest and say that reading court judgements is getting me really depressed as to the inbuilt misogyny in child protection cases and I think in 30
Years we’ll look back and cringe. It’s always the mother expected to change, behave, so as she’s told. The men are frequently abusers, addicts and criminals and even when fully involved in their children’s lives are simply a footnote to the case.

I know someone has to be held responsible for the children and I know there isn’t really another way right now but I hope in the future with education, early interventions and therapeutic methods that might change.

@darkriver19886 spot on

I'm sure most social workers in most cases are fine but I do know a family who went through nearly 2 years of hell being separated from their kids despite eye witnesses and gp providing statements to prove that the accusations were false.

You clearly think that no one else could possibly understand or could have been through anything bad, despite knowing nothing about anybody else's experiences or backgrounds (including all the social workers that you speak of who have had everything 'handed to them on a plate'?!), so this is a totally pointless endeavour as you're not able to give a balanced or objective opinion.

There are shit social workers, there are shit parents. No one on here is saying the system is perfect, not by a long, long stretch, but just as all parents shouldn't all be tarred with the same brush, neither should all professionals.

Lmao. But I can presume that at least half had had it easier than me.

I got over my issues myself. Without support from services as a child. This thread is not about me. It's about all them parents who have had their children unlawfully taken and how have been emotionally damaged through the process. Maybe they need someone on their side to have the courage to speak about the crap SS have put them through. Maybe then, when enough people speak out/show their evidence. People might actually stop thinking that the sun shines out of SS arses.

@Bored40 agreed. I'm done too.

OP clearly isn't listening to a thing anyone else is saying and making a point of it by coming back with one liners.

OP says this is about "other people sharing their stories about how SS have done them wrong and lied to them etc"
It's not really though is it?

Its starting to feel like a game of top trumps on whose been through/going through the worst thing. Sad really. Non of us are in any position to presume anything from a sensitive story we know hardly anything about without sitting down and reading all of the paperwork and seeing it first hand. Every case is completely different.

I know someone who is a born a victim of incest rape and is an advocate for children in abusive homes. Apparently she's silver spooned? Interesting. How very ignorant.

OP best of luck.

This is the problem. Why the hell do sw's jump in and go in all guns blazing where there is no problem? I admit; my ex was abusive and he nearly killed me. And my dd. But I was jumped on, I was made out to be a horrendous, incompetent parent, when I needed support in getting him to leave us the hell alone?
They believed his lies, despite all evidence to the contrary. I will never get over this.
Does help that my child is blonde haired and blue eyed. She is cute as can be, and I feel that went against me. Despite me doing everything to protect her, despite positive references from my boss (the head teacher), and the gp. Every single professional involved in my case couldn't believe what was happening....

@SavanahXx this thread isn't about you now?

Interesting. Well I can tell you your "campaign" to bash SS isn't working.

Exactly what @clarissa469 said.

You just carry on assuming that everyone else has had an easy life.

Out.

Oh sorry for the one liners. I have a 7 month old DD and wouldn't want to be putting her at risk of emotional harm by being on my phone replying huge paragraphs on why your opinion is a little bit silly rather than playing with my child. That would definitely be an invite for SS to call me a bad mum.