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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who have never experienced being in family court

999 replies

SavanahXx · 02/08/2019 23:40

It really does my head in when people side with social services. They have an opinion that "they are just doing what's best for the child". These people that have the opinion mostly have never even had involvement with SS, therefore don't see the lies and manipulation of a situation that they use.

It's easy for them to say that a parent 'could pose a risk' but do you know how hard it is to prove you wouldn't?

I seen an utterly revolting article that really baffled me. Social workers manage to get away with this stuff daily. Yet its not reported as it should be. This child was removed, with a judges permission. Then placed back with the mother by another judge.
There is so much corruption in our society and it needs to change.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/06/13/social-worker-criticised-child-taken-away-mother-refused-give/amp/

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Firecarrier · 03/08/2019 18:20

Wow oblomov you know personally of numerous people who have had their children removed? And some who didn't get to see their parents at all during their time away due to SS errors? Really Hmm well as a foster carer and being friends to loads of foster carers I can say that it is literally part of our job Description to take children to see their birth families, usually numerous times per week (whether it is in the child's interests or not) for there to be zero contact there must be serious concerns as contact is written into legislation and is always the default.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 03/08/2019 18:23

Not looking to much like a conspiracy now tho is it?

Generally it looks like abusive or neglectful parents railing against SS because they can't see how bad they are treating their children.

But yes some posters sound like conspiracy theorists. Include you, who called social workers "baby snatchers."

auntethel · 03/08/2019 18:28

Firecarrier before you start insinuating people are liars, listen to this. My two dc were kept apart for a year (age 10 and 7) on the grounds "work needed to be done with each child". The work was never done and contact resumed without it. Or am I a liar too?

auntethel · 03/08/2019 18:34

Anac12 not very supportive of posters whose children have been traumatised by the system?

Original poster
SavanahXx · 03/08/2019 18:45

Generally it looks like abusive or neglectful parents railing against SS because they can't see how bad they are treating their children.

But yes some posters sound like conspiracy theorists. Include you, who called social workers "baby snatchers."

Haha ok then. So I must be a liar and an abusive or neglectful parent and I treat my child so badly.
The ones who lie for a removal and it's proven the removal was unlawful. They are baby snatchers. They have unlawfully snatched a child from a family when there was no need.

Sorry that you don't like other people's opinions. Tbf it's not even an opinion. I have first hand seen the ones who lie and manipulate. So it's a fact. Not an opinion.

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 03/08/2019 18:48

OP

I don’t think you would want to be part of something that prevents parents working with support on a voluntary basis in order to make families safer and stronger, would you?

Original poster
SavanahXx · 03/08/2019 18:53

Nope. Instead I'm apart of something that tries to out the lies they tell, the unlawful removal of children. To out the ones who destroy family's over "couple's" even though ANYONE COULD DO ANYTHING.

OP posts:
Original poster
SavanahXx · 03/08/2019 18:55

Whoops spell check. I meant "could'ves"

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 03/08/2019 18:57

SavanahXx

Ok. So I’m wondering what you’d say about the families I have worked with (I’m the safeguarding lead for my school) who completely refuse desperately needed help for all sorts of issues because of the “baby snatcher” rhetoric?

Original poster
SavanahXx · 03/08/2019 18:59

Social services tarnished their own names by not punishing the liars. They just apologise on their behalfs and move on. Maybe they don't want to work with them, in the hope that they don't get stuck with the lying ones when all they wanted was support. If they fired the liars and made sure it never happened again, this wouldn't be a problem. But it is. Only they can change that. But they don't.

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 03/08/2019 19:00

@Boridaspide, technically you are correct in that one other country in Europe has a mechanism for forced adoption: Portugal

TwistofFate · 03/08/2019 19:02

People who haven't gone through it haven't a clue. And I dont think they will until theyre faced in that situation.

You're deliberately ignoring all the people giving examples of malicious allegations made against them that social workers investigated and then took no further action because they were satisfied that the children weren't at risk.

You're also ignoring all the people explaining the internal workings of the legal system, a social worker can recommend removing the child but the court doesn't have to grant the order if there's not enough evidence to support it.

I'm sorry that you had such a negative experience, but you won't change anyone's opinion by insulting them.

SmileEachDay · 03/08/2019 19:03

i see. Sadly you are part of a picture of damage then. But maybe proving your point is more important that children being supported.

PencilsInSpace · 03/08/2019 19:06

I don’t think you would want to be part of something that prevents parents working with support on a voluntary basis in order to make families safer and stronger, would you?

This is my worry with threads like this - that parents who need help will be frightened off of asking for it, that parents who have SS involvement will be scared into disengaging or doing something rash.

I would urge anyone who is worried about what they are reading to have a good look round Spero's website. It's not one sided - there is a lot of criticism of the system on there, from both professionals and parents. But it's calm, level-headed criticism and not this hyped-up baby-snatching conspiracy bobbins.

The thread started with a link to a headline - Social worker criticised as child is taken away from mother because she refused to give him ice cream

This helps nobody.

auntethel · 03/08/2019 19:06

I don't think you would want to be part of something that prevents parents working with support on a voluntary basis in order to make families safer and stronger What support? A barrister has just said support is often not available and removal is often seen as the simplest and safest option

Original poster
SavanahXx · 03/08/2019 19:08

It's not a parent's fault if they are scared of the lies they tell. I've already said that not all do that. But would you really risk your child possibly being removed? I personally wouldn't. I have seen what they can be like. I'd never risk losing my child because I ended up with a lying social worker.

OP posts:
Thevoice2019 · 03/08/2019 19:09

OP I think you should step away from this thread. You are not able to listen to any other views than your own. People are trying to give you their views but you won’t listen and take it as criticism. Everyone has their own perspective and I acknowledge that we can’t truly understand yours. However I am proud to be a social worker and the work I do., whether that is supporting a family or ensuring a child is not having to live in extreme neglectful and unsafe circumstances.

SmileEachDay · 03/08/2019 19:09

support is often not available

It’s much easier to intervene at the early stages of difficulty- there isn’t as much support as there used to be, but there are still some agencies that can be referred to. If parents refuse to engage at that voluntary stage because “baby snatchers” then the problems within the family escalate.

clarissa469 · 03/08/2019 19:13

@Thevoice2019 spot on.

Original poster
SavanahXx · 03/08/2019 19:14

I'm definitely not stepping away from my own thread. Especially given that you're a social worker trying to tell me to. You're going to say this because you're a SW. I'm not criticising anyone's opinions. They are entitled. But I know my facts. I have seen them with my own eyes. Therefore no one will ever change my opinion. At all. I'm here for all the mum's that have been wronged by the system. 🙌🙏

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auntethel · 03/08/2019 19:14

I think it's happening too many times now for some people to continue the self denial.

clarissa469 · 03/08/2019 19:15

@TwistofFate I think OP is behaving this way for a reaction. They keep using "lmao" when they don't have an answer for something. I hung my hat up with this one. It seems to have become a very petty game, proves a lot in all honesty!

Original poster
SavanahXx · 03/08/2019 19:16

@auntethel you're spot on! But no one's willing to drag themselves away from the denial. As long as they dont witness it, they aren't mithered. They more than likely just pretends it doesn't happen. That will help them sleep at night

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SmileEachDay · 03/08/2019 19:19

I would second Pencils - any lurkers reading, please don’t swallow the “baby snatchers” line.

Spero’s website is a good, balanced read. If your child is at school, and they’re offering to refer for support, please consider it - we have no agenda other than the welfare of children and young people.

clarissa469 · 03/08/2019 19:19

I will speak up for all the SW on here that feel like they have to defend their amazing work. Thank you for protecting all the legitimate families and children in need! I know of a few families who have needed help recently and one in particular was nearly torn apart if SS didn't intervene, they didn't "rip" the child away, they only do for that a good reason. If parents fail their children.