What time does your teenager have to be home for?

[Sparklyspoon]

My DS is 14, he has to come in for tea at 5:30 then he's allowed out again till about 7:30 since it's summer, during term time he comes in for tea then stays in, he's sometimes allowed out later on weekends though. Is this a reasonable time? He seems to think it's far too early

@greve i work in the Justice system so I'm not wet behind the ears as to what goes on with our young people but let's be sensible here it has been going on for decades and I guess that won't change! I think given I asked about parental curfew it's evident that there is a structure at home, my parents were very liberal probably more so than me and I was a relatively dull teen, my husband came from an extremely strict upbringing and was the one being scooped of the street pissed as a fart as soon as he got given any freedom. My point was I'm sure some of the posters here were given curfews and freedoms that they don't give their own children, is that because they feel it had a negative effect on them. While we are at it I am a liberal parent as in I let my children make there own choices (providing it is not illegal) and go places but if I say 10pm I am that mother that comes yelling to get the hell home at 10.15, much the same as my own mother 😂😂😂

I'm quite liberal in some ways but definitely not in others.

Sunday to Thursday there was no random going out. Out was organised: sport, drama, at a friend's doing a project and from where they were collected.

My DC were ful on with school, homework and activities. They never ever hung arohnd the streets or in parks and neither did their friends.

They went out Fridays/Saturdays to parties and I knew where they were and they were in touch. Obviously allowed more licence the older they got.

Both successfully at uni - both v independent and secure because they come from a loving home. DH and I didn't hang around the streets or in parks either. Our parents like us expected more from us.

I have three teens they don't roam the Streets, they tell me where they are and who the are with (because I don't say no you can't they don't have to lie) I set the time to come home and they have phones (a luxury our parents didn't), also have a number of their friends numbers. They could take drugs and drink, have sex at 2pm or 9pm (first time I had ever seen a real life joint was in a church trip and the 16+ year olds were like rabbits!! I stuck to rounder's and canoeing lol) they don't to my knowledge but know other that do, if they or one of there friends did they know if it was getting out of hand I would be called and pick them up and "adult" the situation. I also know no matter what rules I set they may be exposed to things I don't want the too, I hope I've given them the tools to deal with all of life challenges no matter what time of day!!

That’s quite early, I’d say 9:30/10 in the holidays

Good decision to move to 9pm OP, much more appropriate. Nights are starting to draw in already so I think that will feel late enough to him especially if he has been used to being in at 7.30 so far.

My 17 year old doesn’t have a curfew. He sometimes goes “out out” but I just tell him to be sensible, and be quiet so as not to wake me up if I’m in bed when he gets in. I don’t think he ever really did have a curfew, although I’ve always generally known where he was. He’s helped at a youth group on a Saturday since he was 14, getting the bus home after, and getting in around 9.30/10. My 12 year old, his friends aren’t particularly local, so I’m still stuck giving lifts lol! I certainly see kids of all ages from lower primary up out and about on bikes or scooters until quite late in the light evenings. That’s the norm where I live, but I know other areas are different. And parents have to make the right choices for their individual children.

Some people live in different worlds, with 15 year olds roaming until 1am and 16 year olds with no curfew and casually leaving home to live with other teenagers. I mean WTAF?

I don't consider myself particularly strict but my 16 year old is home by 9 on a school night and 10.00 at weekends. Unless, they're staying over at a friend's house. Their friends have very similar curfews luckily.

My 11 yr old DD was out last night till 9. 7:30 is way to early.

Those saying they are out at friends houses or doing activities, surely fronds houses don’t count as out? And activities don’t run at night?

My (nearly) 14 year old is usually in by 6/7pm as I won’t cook food any later than that. She wouldn’t go back out as there would be nowhere to go.

We live in central London so in the day she will usually go to a shopping centre to browse or just go to a park or wander about with a friend.

There’s no way I’d let her out after 8pm for her to just be wandering round the streets or sitting on parks getting into trouble. The only kids that do that round here are the ones that puff and drink.

Mine is 15.
Coming home alone - by 9ish as it gets dark. No way is he waking back from bus in dark at the moment.
If he’s being picked up/dropped back then around 11ish in holiday weekdays and midnight weekends. He doesn’t go out termtime during week really - no culture of ‘playing out’ here and he needs to tell me if not home for evening meal.

My ds is 13, 14 in Septamber. Allowed at adreinds house, movie etc until 9.30 ish, bit later if being picked up by a parent. In summer if he's walking home from a friend has to be home just before dark. He's not allowed to just "go out", we have to know who he's with and what he's doing. Thankfully though he and his friends don't just hang around. When he's 15 it will be a bit later but 1am?! No way! What's a 15 year old doing until that time? The only time my son will be coming home at 1am is when he's 18.

It's entirely down to context really

We live in a v v big village which has loads of kids of all ages (there's 6 primary schools & a secondary school, but it's not really what I would call a town tbh) - it's a pretty safe area & not much trouble goes on other than the usual low level stuff.

I've a curfew for my 14 yr old (head home at 10) only because I want to keep a boundary there at that age, not because it's really necessary from a safety perspective.

With my eldest this worked & from 16 he has had no hard curfew but never takes the piss (he texts to say if he's staying out later round a pals etc)

It's all about balancing trust & risk - maybe I'd have had a different attitude if we'd lived elsewhere, who knows?!

Well there's loads of teenagers at our local park or lighting bonfires in the woods to hang out, whilst sniffing those little gas canisters or smoking weed. We are in a naice area of the SE apparently ?! Great schools etc, good prospects. So someone must be letting their teenagers out and they are not being wholesome.

My parents never let us out ( different area) but for this reason that hanging usually leads to trouble. Cycling outside your house or being in a neighbours garden is not the same thing.

That is very early. My DD & all of her mates were usually home by 8.30 on a school night, sometimes earlier if homework required it. 10 pm on weekends & holidays. Occasionally a bit later for a party

I wonder if those who don't like their kids hanging out in parks etc hang out in bars with their mates? Same thing just no access to a bar serving booze.

My DD is 15 in 2 months and I expect her to be home by 9 unless she has specific plans, which she often does. I just don’t think the “hanging around” at night. If she is in a restaurant, cinema, friends house then I will collect around 10/10.30 or she has to start making her way home at 10pm ... I think every situation is different due to location, the actual child etc.

I had to be in at 10 when I was 14.

That was Fridays and Saturdays, I think I had to be in earlier on school nights.

9.30 in holidays for 14yo BUT he has to have a fully charged phone and give a reasonable idea of where and what he's doing ( I know it will change)

I wonder if those who don't like their kids hanging out in parks etc hang out in bars with their mates? Same thing just no access to a bar serving booze.

I had plenty of access to alcohol in the park as a teen. And I don’t know about you but I don’t tend to shag in bars. And if I come across unsavoury people there are bouncers to kick them out. Oh and being an adult I am better prepared to handle adult situations as they arise.

7:30 is too early.
He'll go bananas when he leaves home.

No, I never hung out in bars. We meet at friends' houses for supper, go to parties, concerts, the theatre, etc. We might go to a talk or lecture occasionally but hanging out in pubs and bars - no. Our friends have much better things to do and so do our grown up children. DS is at a barbecue tonight, dd is writing an article.

Ha ha @Dra1972 read all my posts, you clearly haven’t.
Meaningful positive activities- don’t have a curfew, never needed it. Hanging round the streets no bleeping way!

Don't think I ever had a curfew. It was a case of tell me when you'll be home and if you're 1 min late then that's it, privileges gone
I was clubbing at 15 and often home at 2am but I was so desperate not to be late I would say half 2 and get home for 2