What time does your teenager have to be home for?

[Sparklyspoon]

My DS is 14, he has to come in for tea at 5:30 then he's allowed out again till about 7:30 since it's summer, during term time he comes in for tea then stays in, he's sometimes allowed out later on weekends though. Is this a reasonable time? He seems to think it's far too early

What’s so bad about ‘hanging about doing nothing’, exactly? Some of my best childhood memories are from just hanging around with my mates, talking about anything and everything, making up games, wandering around where we live etc. As long as they aren’t doing anything destructive then there are lots of positives to it. We walked miles and miles just ‘hanging about’, we learned to entertain ourselves, pwe learned street safety, we learned stuff about each other and the world.
People complain about teens with their faces in screens but also don’t want them to ‘do nothing’ outside. I feel sorry for kids these days!

Oh and I am a pretty successful adult I think with 2 degrees and a masters and a great job.

7.30? That's waaaay to early. And just sad actually . Haha

I’ve already said my kids do extracurriculars or go to friends homes etc, how is letting them hang about in a park/outside McDonald’s/wander the streets benefitting them?
It's not.

Apparently if the kids are outside without adult supervision or attending a specific activity then they are feral and wild!
Sometimes they are. Who's going to recognise or admit that though if it's their kid?

There are a lot of things parents of teens insist they 'need' but I find that is usually said by posters who have no actual say in what their children do because they wouldn't listen anyway. They don't 'need' to be hanging out until all hours. And not 'hanging out' does not mean going 'wild' at 18. They'll more than likely behave like 18 yr olds.

If the shoe does not fit, please do not put it on.

I allow my 12 yo out until 7-30 at the park and would be happy with 8.00 In the holidays. If he rang and asked for an extra half hour, I may say yes. I tend to want to know where he is so he can be at the park or the shop but if he goes to the small woods or a different park or to someone’s house he is allowed but has to let me know.

Generally though on weeknights he goes to the park after school and is home by 5-5.30. In the school holidays he is most likely to go out during the day so at present evenings out are not that frequent.

If he is invited to a friends house (or they come here) we usually say 8pm. They are all usually picked up on those occasions. If they all pile round after school (for drinks, the toilet, see the dog) as we are closest to the park, they all usually go or get picked up by 5.

I think 9pm would be a reasonable curfew for a 14 yo on the holidays.

Yeahnahmum. Given that you sound like a petulant teen yourself, your opinion doesn’t really carry any weight here. “Sad haha” indeed.

@Snoopdogsbitch I don't want my daughter getting stabbed hence not allowing her to wonder around in a big city after 10pm. Perhaps if I lived in a little village it would be different. But clearly people don't appreciate the risks that go with living in a city where there is frequent knife crime. My child socialises with friends, has sleepovers, go to cinema etc. There is no need whatsoever to be roaming around the streets annoying residents

I suppose it depends on many things, time of year, where you live and the child themselves. 7.30 at 14 does seem a bit early you only have 4 years until they possibly go off to uni and they can do whatever they like with little experience of street savviness. My 12 yr old in the summer I 9pm but he mostly plays in the area across the road my our home, 15 yr old 10 ish if I can get him out the bloody door I'm delighted!! My 17 yr old between 10 and 11 unless she's out doing something specific.

A couple I work with had SS involvement now because they had to call the police when their 14 year old didn't come home by their usual 10-11pm. When the police got there, they were concerned that the parents didn't really know where she could be and that she regularly went out in this way. Her phone was off. She came back at 3am, and had obviously been drunk but slept some of it off. They referred to SS who reviewed and advised greater supervision such as earlier curfews and a move away from "hanging out".

@OwlBeThere completely agree... my teenage years were spent hanging about and my parents definitely didn't know exactly where I was all the time... I have really great memories of that time... I now live in an area where my ds (13) hangs out till 10 with his mates and he's having the type of summer I had... we need to allow our kids to become more independent as they become young adults... I do understand however there are areas where it's not safe to hang out - it must be hard for the kids and parents to live like that...

My daughter just turned 13 and rarely goes out just hanging around with friends. Usually it would be a more organised activity even just hanging out at someone's house. If she is out in town without me for a couple of hours I would expect to know where she is, and I certainly wouldn't be OK with her wandering around randomly at 9pm even if it's light.

Mumsnet is a strange mix of 'you mustn't leave your 8 year old in a car for five minutes' and 'teenagers can treated as adults'. Becoming independent is a gradual process....

Hmmmm it really is a tricky one. I live semi rurally but our local town does have a big drug problem. County Lines is a huge issue. I teach locally and the Police are tearing their hair out as so many parents hope that their kids are hanging out and maybe having the odd drink. The reality is stark. We have youngesters already recruited to drugs gangs and experimenting with Ketamine.
However i have fond memories of 'hanging out' in the local park until the last bus home.

I won't let my DC do it though as from 14 it included strawberry concorde, sharing a pack of Embassy no.1 and drunken fumbles in the bushes.

I would like to know what time the posters parents set as curfew, in the days BEFORE mobiles and social media, did it affect how they turn out? Come on now how many of you turned feral??

CJsGoldfish if you say so!

I'd say let him stay out til it gets dark. That's how my parents judged when it was time to come in - soon as the street lights came on, it was time to come home.

If I was in the town over and had to get a train home, I always had to be on the 8pm train. I could stay out in our village but not in the town over, which makes sense to me.

I did feel it was a bit unfair at the time but looking back, it was definitely the right thing.

It used to be 10pm at 14. 12am at 16 and no curfew now he's 19 of course, he's a man. Plus he works nights so...

This thread is a bit of a shame. I would love to keep my two in with me where I know they’re safe but I recognise that that is my stuff and not at all in their best interests.

Children need to learn their own lessons socially and being out with peers is a lot of that.

My 12 year old and 10 year old have gone for a run with some friends this morning. They might ride their bike to the park later, play football or go to the local dessert place for a milkshake. They’ve arranged to go swimming tomorrow. They go in each other’s gardens to play a lot (including ours).

I want the older one in at 9, the 10 year old earlier!

I am willing to push the time a bit later but I have to say I don't think he's lacking independence because of the time he has to be home for, nor do I think he's going to go wild the second he's 18. He's allowed just about anywhere in our town, though I like to know where he is and he can take the train into the city as long as he asks me first. He's out most the day so I feel like being out till 10 pm or later would be a bit too long but I'm willing to push it to say 9 at latest

Oh dear OP most 10 year olds are allowed to stay out until the same time as you allow your 14yr old! How embarrassing and stifling for him! Has he done anything in particular to make you have so little trust in him or are you just an anxious person? My kids were allowed to stay out until it got dark in the school holidays and at weekends even if it was just to 'hang around' the park. I'm an over thinker and a worrier so believe me it was not easy for me to allow this, but you have to put some trust in your kids for their sakes.

@Pjsandbaileys

Generally speaking, the people I know who have had issues with dependency and crime to support dependency have had a lack of supervision in their childhood. Whether that's through abuse or liberal parents, I'd say it's a common factor.

That doesn't mean everyone will end up with a chaotic lifestyle but I think it's a definite influence.

I work a lot with middle/upper class families and I'm shocked at the things that have been disclosed about what their teenagers have got up to. It's quite routine for them to be collected from A+E intoxicated.

Thing is, anything you can explore with at 10pm, you can do at 2pm. A early curfew won't stop your kid trying out a joint, but it will mean they have less time to smoke and will require more time to sober up and act normal before they see you. That in itself moderates their exploration.

@greeve
The parents who phoned the police at 10pm, I’m surprised they came out, did the parents not hunt her out first? It’s not her time at coming home that’s the issue it’s the parents not knowing their DD and what’s she up to.

Yeah, they came out right away. I think they called around midnight or 1am to report she hadn't come home as normal and her phone was off. When they arrived and the parents were unable to answer questions like who she is normally with or where she goes and didn't have access to her social media accounts, they were concerned. When she came home drunk, they felt it warranted a referral to SS who closed the case but advised more supervision.

A good decision, OP, then hopefully he'll show you he can be trusted and it could be extended when he turns 15.

To the PP discussing that lower of supervision = chaotic lifestyles and higher chance of crime/ addictions, there are levels of supervision!!! Allowing sensible kids to be out on bikes/ at the park playing sport when it's light is hardly the same as absent parenting allowing them to shoot up in a drug den! ( And I work in an inner-city school where kids have been known to be drug dependent by 14, so i know what life can be like for teenagers).
endof I'm sorry you worry about stabbings - it is a terrible reality- but I live in a big city and my DC know where to frequent and where not to frequent and after dark ( eg in winter) they are only local and nipping home from a local friend's. There's no need to be terrified, there's so much good in cities and the communities there.