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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What time does your teenager have to be home for?

142 replies

Sparklyspoon · 02/08/2019 22:47

My DS is 14, he has to come in for tea at 5:30 then he's allowed out again till about 7:30 since it's summer, during term time he comes in for tea then stays in, he's sometimes allowed out later on weekends though. Is this a reasonable time? He seems to think it's far too early

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 03/08/2019 00:19

My dd is 14. She has plenty of freedom/independence, I think. She can walk into town or catch a bus. She often goes to meet her friends in the town centre and they go to the cinema/ laserquest/ nandos or whatever. She also goes to her friends' houses a lot. She and her friends can get themselves around during the day, but if they're out in the evening (e.g. for dinner) then one or more of the parents will go and pick them up. It's a small, safe town, but they're still quite vulnerable at 14.

We don't have a specific curfew but I wouldn't want her to be out and about late at night. It's totally different if she is at a friend's house, I've picked her up at midnight sometimes.

I don't really understand the people who let their teenagers hang around in the streets and in the parks. We live right next to a park and I see what they get up to.Hmm I'm sure that there are plenty who do no harm, but big groups are often a pain in the arse for local residents. I'm so glad that my dd doesn't want to do that, as I wouldn't allow it anyway.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 03/08/2019 00:26

My brother is 16 and has to be in for 10/10:30 ish unless he’s at something specific eg band parade (been this rule from 14ish I think). Was the same rules for me and my sister when we where 16 aswell.

absofuckinglutley · 03/08/2019 00:27

14 year old goes out so little and has sensible friends and I always know where he is doesn't have a curfew as such.
13 year old in for 9pm all this week as last week he was allowed out till 10pm with it been the school hols and still light but proper took the piss Hmm

absofuckinglutley · 03/08/2019 00:27

730 way too early though

OhMyDarling · 03/08/2019 00:31

Prison warden? Because I collect my kids rather than make them travel an hour on public transport alone at night? Hmm that’s a big jump!
MN is full of rather strange thinking.

I’ve already said my kids do extracurriculars or go to friends homes etc, how is letting them hang about in a park/outside McDonald’s/wander the streets benefitting them? This is not how children are kept safe or how successful adults are created.

How is making sure they lead varied but safe lives where they are in their own beds by 10pm and not on a park bench, over controlling?!! It’s called parenting!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
As I’ve already said, they have better social lives than me! They do loads, all the time. In. The. Day.

I’m not rising anymore to the comments of some posters who clearly have very different ideals for their children. In all honestly I have no need for their approval in anyway as I don’t value their opinion.

Designerenvy · 03/08/2019 00:38

My 14 year old ds is not allowed put after 7/8pm unless I know where he is. If he's at a friend's house, he can stay out til 10.30 and I'll collect him after .
I don't like the idea of teenagers hanging around parks, street corner etc after dark.
They're are too vulnerable and equally big gangs of teenagers can be intimidating for passers by.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/08/2019 00:44

I don't have a teenager, but 7.30 is when my 8 and 6 yo dds have to come in, so surely far too early for a 14yo.

Snoopdogsbitch · 03/08/2019 01:05

ohmydarling and other PP- where did ANY of the parents who let their kids out say they were permitted to be ' roaming ' streets or hanging around parks and night? You seem.to think that anything less than total control after the stroke of 8pm is poor parenting! I, for one, don't need your approval either for making informed, sensible decisions on where and when my sons are.

Like I've said, in summer it's still light here and my eldest DC is local, playing sport or on his bike NOT outside McDonalds or creating havoc.I do not appreciate the insinuation that I and other parents are failing to parent or not ' creating successful adults '. Both my older sons are clever, happy, loved and considered and are definitely on their way to being successful adults, thank you very much, with their sensible 9-1030 curfew( depending on age/ day/ time of year).

Sparklesocks · 03/08/2019 01:10

Snoopdogsbitch well said, a ridiculous amount of snootiness of this thread. Apparently if the kids are outside without adult supervision or attending a specific activity then they are feral and wild!

CanYouHelpFindThis · 03/08/2019 01:10

14 year old.

I wouldnt expect them in for dinner.

School night i think about 7.30/8 is ok but in school holidays / weekends i would allow 10...

Then obvs if a party / event etc, go with the flow if trustworthy and pick them up if able

Rachie1973 · 03/08/2019 01:13

Lol @ hanging out at parks. I really don’t see the issue!

Mine did hang out at parks. They seem ok as adults. . I certainly didn’t organise activities for them every day! Hanging out is kind of normal. We did it as kids too, in the New Forest. 900 acres of trees to get lost in lol.

Pieceofpurplesky · 03/08/2019 01:16

I think the clashes here come from people
Who don't understand different areas and what they are like to live in.

My 15 yo DS comes in for 1030 in school holidays, 9 other days. They don't hang around street corners and there are no big gangs. They climb up the local hill or go on their bikes in the forest. Sometimes they hang round in the park but most of the littles kids there are people they know. They have even been known to sit outside the local pub with coke and crisps as the landlord knows lots of them.
If we lived in an inner city with gangs and crimes it would be very different

Snoopdogsbitch · 03/08/2019 01:17

Exactly sparklesocks, anything other than total supervision =feral!

Thankfully more realistic points of view represented now, canyouhelp and Rachie

Snoopdogsbitch · 03/08/2019 01:21

Yes pieceof you're right, however, I'm on the outskirts of a large city and it sounds very similar to your experience. If my boys are in ' parks' it's on the mountain bike trail of the nearby forest park- very different to hanging round a deserted park with suspect people! Some people just don't get the difference!

Rachie1973 · 03/08/2019 01:22

I have to be honest, the idea of organised activities every night of the week AND one whole day at the weekend would fill me with horror. Me and the kids would have been exhausted! I’m fairly certain mine would have been overstimulated and grumpy.

Just hanging out is relaxing.

IsobelRae23 · 03/08/2019 01:45

Ds14 is 10pm. Some activities he does don’t finish until 9:00pm.

7:30pm was when he was 7/8. Even then he often stayed out until 9pm (the park was infringement of our house, so all parents could see the children).

Honestly I’m surprise your ds has not been made fun of.

shadowloveragain · 03/08/2019 01:56

My 8 year old was playing out until 8.30 tonight. Sounds like you don't trust your 14 year old at all.

Snoopdogsbitch · 03/08/2019 01:57

Isobel exactly- the OPs DS will be being teased relentlessly unless he's switched on enough to offer another reason rather than ' mum won't allow it'. Lord, my DS gets teased a little by some because he's not allowed his phone to bed!

WhyTho · 03/08/2019 02:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greeve · 03/08/2019 03:35

I think it's perfectly reasonable as long as allowances are made for when he isn't hanging out but attending an organised event

Stressedandovertired · 03/08/2019 04:28

Out of genuine curiosity (not meant to be a loaded question), when does your 14 year old get homework done if they are routinely out until 10 pm? I had to do some homework every week night when I was at school or I'd get swamped. That was a long time ago but teacher friends and other parents tell me that kids now are under more pressure with homework, not less.

Zoflorabore · 03/08/2019 04:43

My ds doesn't hang around the streets and tends to go out to parties/movies/friends houses etc and has no curfew. He is 16 and starts college in September.

He's a sensible lad, all of his friends drink. He doesn't like alcohol so doesn't bother and they've always got a lift home sorted via one of the dads normally.

He stays in touch when he's out and he has a tight group of friends who all look after each other. We're on the outskirts of a large city and transport is also good.

At age 14 it probably would have been 10pm ish.

fantasmasgoria1 · 03/08/2019 04:52

I remember at the age of 15 having to be in at 7.30pm. one day I stood in front of my father and informed him that in future I will be coming home around 9.30pm as all of my friends didn't have to be in until this time. he actually said OK and that was that! 7.30 is really early for a 14 year old to have to be in really.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 03/08/2019 04:55

Hmm all those teenagers having mass orgies Hmm

7.30pm is too early for a teen.

My DS 13 goes to the park, they play football, rounders and cricket, rides their bike, flys their drone, go pro some stunt whatever they call it.

Plenty of social interaction and physical activity, than being static at home.

He’d be demented and climbing the walls if he was to be in for 7ish, during the summer holidays.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 03/08/2019 04:59

His pesky teenage friends have organised themselves a charity walk (28 mile in aid of his friends chosen charity) while “hanging” at the park....

2 dad have been towed in, but the kids have organised it themselves.