Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family going on holiday minus me

149 replies

Youwillneverwalkalone12 · 02/08/2019 20:53

So DD asked me why we didn’t go on the family holiday with nana grandpa and the rest of the crew, I quizzed her then she said her cousin had posted pics on her Snapchat of her abroad in turkey with the rest of her cousins and aunts etc.

And of course me and my kids were not in any of them.

I reassured my daughter to spare her the feelings but I don’t understand why I was not invited.

I messaged one of my sisters to ask if she wanted to have a meal out and watch lion king with her daughter and she said she was busy this week ( probably the duration of her holiday) I asked my other sister who was also busy 😾.

And it can’t be the fact that I have a baby because my youngest has a 2 month year old baby and has gone.

AIBU to feel hate towards them and extreme jealousy, should I confront them?

OP posts:
Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 04/08/2019 10:44

adding my voice to the list too OP ...I am really sorry they behaved this way..its awful.I feel for your daughter too.To do this to you is bad enough but to do this to a child is unforgivable.

ohcanada · 04/08/2019 10:49

They are AWFUL! time to step back from the sibling relationship I think. Rubbish excuses, as adults they should own up to their bullying behaviour. It's not right to not invite you and then much worse to keep it a secret and try and hide it from you. Blaming their own child just shows what a kind of people they are.

Have you spoken to your parents?

Btljalrrl08 · 04/08/2019 11:50

I had a similar situation not long ago. It was my brothers 40th, he has just moved back from Australia to the town we grew up in and where my two sisters still live. I got a phone call off my youngest sister asking if there was any way I could look after her 5 month old daughter for a week so that she and my brother and sister could go to Munich for his birthday. I already have 3 of my own kids aged 4,6&9, and child mind. It just so happened that one of the kids I look after was away with their gran for that week so I had space. Slap had to take my 5month old niece camping with me for the weekend as this was already preplanned for a friend’s birthday. I wouldn’t/couldn’t have gone but it would have been nice to have been asked. Hope it all gets sorted.

sophiestew · 04/08/2019 11:56

Bunch of evil cunts.

Why didn't you message your parents? I think my anger would be directed at them rather than siblings to be honest.

Agree with PP - minimise contact Flowers

DonJeer · 04/08/2019 12:11

I would definitely send them all the text that @Toomuchtrouble4me wrote.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 04/08/2019 13:04

That must feel awful OP. Thanks

But I have a gut feeling that there is a big part of this story you've left out. You've vaguely referred to a falling out at Christmas, you say you're 'not good at these situations.' What situations do you mean? Family stuff in general? Understanding why other people react to you as they do?

So often people come on here and describe a family member who they keep including out of duty but who is mean/hurtful/selfish/draining/manipulative/greedy or whatever and the resounding chorus from mumsnet is 'get some boundaries!' 'Stop letting this person in if they treat you like this' 'why on earth would you go on holiday with this person?' Etc

I'm sure 90% of the time the problematic family member wouldn't have any insight into why their behaviour was objectionable. They would think themselves blameless and feel mistreated when other family members decide to step back from the relationship.

Is it possible that your family have their reasons for not including you? Do you think that the way you treat them makes you the kind of person they would want to have a holiday with? What happened with this 'falling out'?

I think if what you want is a strong bond and to be included in future events then you need to drop the victim mentality and go to them with an open mind. Ask sincerely- why didn't you feel I should be included?

And listen to the answer.

justasking111 · 04/08/2019 14:20

Well yes the OP could be a pain in the derriere so the sisters chose not to have her there. Mum and dad are a different matter they need to steer clear of possible taking of sides. It is hard for the parents I am sure but even if your child is a pain it is sad for the grand children who are innocent in all of this.

Picnicbasketblanket · 04/08/2019 20:36

But I have a gut feeling that there is a big part of this story you've left out
I think you are probably right

Mum and dad are a different matter
Absolute rubbish, what if she attacked the parents at xmas? Unlikely, I know but as we don't know what has gone on or why so many people (8 adults by the sounds of it) felt it was best to go away and not include her.

strawberry2017 · 04/08/2019 21:01

That's super unfair. I'm sorry ☹️

Ferret27 · 06/08/2019 09:42

It’s a sad situation but I agree there must be more to this .... if your parents colluded also .... so many things could be at play here ...
Money lent not paid back, getting drunk or using drugs and being embarrassing at social occasions,not understanding boundaries being over critical. ( either side could have these issues which the other just didn’t want to deal with or would have raised its ugly Head on the plane or when cooped up in a hotel / villa)
Someone should have spoken to you as you can’t expect children to lie and be secretive just because adults cannot manage difficult conversations.... how will your next family event be .... as there is a very large elephant now in the room

HeyMonkey · 06/08/2019 20:28

What's the backstory OP?

TixieLix · 06/08/2019 20:53

Maybe there is a bit more to this....
Have a think why you might be left out.
You'll find the answer in your own behaviour., perhaps.

@Malvinaa81 you posted this before the OP revealed there had been a falling out at Christmas. Are you one of the sisters, or in the know?

ReanimatedSGB · 06/08/2019 20:53

Another one who is wondering what happened at Christmas, or what other reason there might be for the family behaving like this. It may be that OP has always been the scapegoat, or the odd one out - or it may be that some aspect of OP's own behaviour made them diecide not to invite her. If (and I have no idea if any of this is the case, of course) OP drinks more than the others, or always expects to be paid for as she has less money than her siblings, or has a fundamentally different worldview to them and keeps airing it, for example, this might be behind their behaviour. (Families have, for instance, become bitterly divided over Brexit, to the extent of cutting contact with each other.)

Original poster
Youwillneverwalkalone12 · 18/08/2019 14:14

Sorry for late reply, but we ended up in a huge tiff with family. I rang them and they kept declining the phone so I messaged my sister saying you should fix the hole in your window so she answered me then I confronted them and we have been fighting since.
They didn’t even have an excuse just because I’d spoil it!

Bitches

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 18/08/2019 14:23

I think your best bet is to just back away from them all. Sounds as if you all didn't have the healthiest relationship before this happened anyway. Why continue it?

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 18/08/2019 14:25

I’m so sorry OP.

Did they explain what ‘you’d spoil it’ meant? Your presence, or your attitude or something else? Not that this is an excuse at all, but it just seems very out of the blue, hurtful and odd.

katewhinesalot · 18/08/2019 14:27

Why do 8 people think you would spoil it op?

Reflect on this. Be absolutely honest with yourself.

Original poster
Youwillneverwalkalone12 · 18/08/2019 14:35

Some of you are asking about what happened on Xmas and basically I told them I’m having baby number 3 and they started calling me a slag and stuff like that and I found it soo childish. I chose not to go to my sisters wedding ( big mistake IK) and we weren’t talking until March when my gran died. Everything was forgiven and forgotten.

But I just wish if they have a problem with me that they’ll tell me instead of being bitchy behind my back

OP posts:
MzHz · 18/08/2019 14:39

So this was your parents doing too?!

They were all in on it. Every last one

I had similar in so far as my sister and my mother conspired to keep plans for a trip from me, but this is way worse when there are so many potential people who could allow their consciences to urge them to do the right thing and talk to you.

I had therapy to deal with my lot, I’m no contact with my parents and so so contact with my sister.

I get this, it hurts, but it’s them not you

(((Hug)))

browneyes77 · 18/08/2019 14:44

Hold on. You told them at Xmas you were expecting another baby and their response was to call you a slag??

And what did your parents say when they heard them call you such vile names?

Original poster
Youwillneverwalkalone12 · 18/08/2019 14:50

My parents just agreed it’s because I had my eldest young. But my other two were reasonable ages

OP posts:
Original poster
Youwillneverwalkalone12 · 18/08/2019 14:50

❤️

OP posts:
Intheupsidedown · 18/08/2019 15:02

Are all the childrens fathers different, not with them or you dont know who they are?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/08/2019 16:45

So you’ve been fighting with them since and didn’t go to your sisters wedding but they are in the wrong for going away without you Hmm

I wouldn’t invite someone to do something nice if I knew they couldn’t afford it as wouldn’t want to put pressure on them or make them feel bad.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page