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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family going on holiday minus me

149 replies

Youwillneverwalkalone12 · 02/08/2019 20:53

So DD asked me why we didn’t go on the family holiday with nana grandpa and the rest of the crew, I quizzed her then she said her cousin had posted pics on her Snapchat of her abroad in turkey with the rest of her cousins and aunts etc.

And of course me and my kids were not in any of them.

I reassured my daughter to spare her the feelings but I don’t understand why I was not invited.

I messaged one of my sisters to ask if she wanted to have a meal out and watch lion king with her daughter and she said she was busy this week ( probably the duration of her holiday) I asked my other sister who was also busy 😾.

And it can’t be the fact that I have a baby because my youngest has a 2 month year old baby and has gone.

AIBU to feel hate towards them and extreme jealousy, should I confront them?

OP posts:
Sugarskulllover · 02/08/2019 22:22

That's awful OP, really feel for you and your family. I'd confront them too. As soon as DC were out of earshot I'd call and wait for a lie and tell them to save it! You've caught them out, your DD has seen photos on Snapchat and you want a full explanation as to why you were excluded.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 02/08/2019 22:24

Can you afford a holiday?

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 02/08/2019 22:35

q

SirGawain · 02/08/2019 22:36

A few years ago we spent a week with my drama queen sister. Never again.

Sundancer77 · 02/08/2019 22:40

That’s so awful 😢

cees · 02/08/2019 22:44

That's so awful of them, your poor dd seeing that picture and feeling left out, now that would just crush me. Let them know you are hurt and angry. What they have done is vile, dont be afraid to tell them that. What have you got to lose, they dont think very highly if you if they could plan a holiday behind your back and sneak off without you.

katewhinesalot · 02/08/2019 22:45

I'd have to bring it up and say that we were hurt. I couldn't let it fester away inside me.

Gobbledygookledy · 02/08/2019 22:54

I would have to ask op otherwise it'll just eat you up.

modgepodge · 02/08/2019 23:00

My family did a big group holiday for a few years. One year my dad phoned and explained they’d decided to go during term time that year (I’m a teacher) as it was cheaper and less busy. Have to say I was gutted and made it known I was. I still have a good relationship with my family but thinking about it still makes me a bit sad - the fact my dad would rather save a thousand pounds or so than have me there 🙁 ( before anyone jumps in - he is not at all hard up!!!)

But the fact it has been kept a secret makes this bizarre and extra hurtful. I’d have to say something!

BedraggledBlitz · 02/08/2019 23:07

I would message one of them and say "Can you tell me why I was excluded from the family holiday? I'm very hurt by it."

Its crappy. And then to say they were busy, without mentioning holiday is crappier.

buckeejit · 02/08/2019 23:12

I'd text them all to say you are hurt & disappointed in them. Some of them have organised it & others have kept it from you & it's all hurtful & disrespectful. They need to explain themselves, not you.

You will not forget this, though you may forgive it, but now is the time to make your stand & show how you want to be treated in the future. Be direct. Good luck

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/08/2019 23:14

"Fancy meeting up to have meal and watch The Lion King?"

"Aw - sorry Walkalone - I'm busy this week."

"Never mind - perhaps you can find a free evening to spend an hour or so with us when you get back from your holiday in Turkey with the rest of the extended family, if you aren't too sunburned, you sly, selfish bastards "

Abouttoblow · 02/08/2019 23:19

I know a lot of people on here will disagree as "people can do what they like" but I would never forgive my parents or siblings if they did this.

Sparklesocks · 02/08/2019 23:22

I would definitely message them while they’re out there, make them squirm and hopefully put a dampener on the whole holiday!

ReanimatedSGB · 02/08/2019 23:26

I'd definitely want to know why. What is your relationship with the rest of them like in general, OP? Could it be the case that you have a lot less money than your parents/siblings and they knew you couldn't afford the trip and also they could not afford to subsidise you? The fact that they all went together makes it seem much more hurtful, even if that is the reason (if they had gone on various separate holidays, it wouldn't have been as upsetting: no one is obliged to take the rest of their family away with them).
Do you and they have similar tastes in holidays? If, for instance, you/they like to lie on the beach while they/you want to wizz round museums or tourist traps, they might have thought you wouldn't enjoy the trip they have planned.
Have you all been on holiday as a group together before this and found it a struggle?

HelpIcantfindaname · 02/08/2019 23:28

What an awful thing for family to do. Even if they didn't think you could afford it they should have still invited you & let you have the option of deciding whether or not to go.
The secrecy is so strange - surely they would realise you would find out, especially if the kids are using social media. You need to ask them why...& tell them how hurt you are. I'd love to say there must be a good explanation....but I certainly can't think of any reason to treat anyone so poorly.

Huge hugs to you & your DD.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/08/2019 23:30

I would definitely message them while they’re out there

Hello SIL - I'm stood outside your house and I've been knocking and ringing for a good 5 minutes and there's no answer.

Are you okay? I was really worried when I saw the broken window at the back. If I don't hear back from you in the next 10 minutes I'll ring the police and get someone to break in. Hope everything's okay.

Malvinaa81 · 02/08/2019 23:31

Maybe there is a bit more to this....

Have a think why you might be left out.

You'll find the answer in your own behaviour., perhaps.

LovePoppy · 02/08/2019 23:31

I honestly don’t know how I’d every forgive them

One thing to not invite you, but to hide it and lie?? It would be a very very long time before I’d speak to them again. Not that they’d notice as I’m obviously the expendable child

Sparklesocks · 02/08/2019 23:32

Malvinaa81 you don’t know that, why blame the OP when you have no info suggesting that?

KUGA · 02/08/2019 23:37

I personally would not give them the satisfaction by letting them know it bothered you.,
I would not go away with them in the future either.

Candymay · 02/08/2019 23:48

I’m really hoping that your child has got this wrong and that they are not on holiday at all. If they are it’s awful and you need to speak about it.

CruellaFeinberg · 03/08/2019 00:00

I messaged one of my sisters to ask if she wanted to have a meal out and watch lion king with her daughter and she said she was busy this week ( probably the duration of her holiday) I asked my other sister who was also busy

At this point, I would have said, oh I just need to borrow that thing, and am popping round shortly Grin

2018SoFarSoGreat · 03/08/2019 00:45

how horrible. You would be AIBU not to be upset. I am sorry.

I totally agree that you just need to ask outright, by text to all of them, with the excellent suggestions above, making sure that the question is 'What do I tell DD as to why this was a secret and why we were not invited?" language.

You poor thing. Whatever the reason, I'd be hard pushed to let this one go.

CanYouHelpFindThis · 03/08/2019 00:51

Your family have all gone away and not invited you, not told you, but you get on with them and see them regularly?

Very very odd