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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family going on holiday minus me

149 replies

Youwillneverwalkalone12 · 02/08/2019 20:53

So DD asked me why we didn’t go on the family holiday with nana grandpa and the rest of the crew, I quizzed her then she said her cousin had posted pics on her Snapchat of her abroad in turkey with the rest of her cousins and aunts etc.

And of course me and my kids were not in any of them.

I reassured my daughter to spare her the feelings but I don’t understand why I was not invited.

I messaged one of my sisters to ask if she wanted to have a meal out and watch lion king with her daughter and she said she was busy this week ( probably the duration of her holiday) I asked my other sister who was also busy 😾.

And it can’t be the fact that I have a baby because my youngest has a 2 month year old baby and has gone.

AIBU to feel hate towards them and extreme jealousy, should I confront them?

OP posts:
NoWayDidISayThat · 02/08/2019 21:33

.

whirlwinds · 02/08/2019 21:35

Don't think I could let something like this slide in your shoes, especially as the kids are being made victims in this and in the know.I wouldn't confront sisters though, the blame lays with your parents and they are ultimately the ones at fault here no matter what. They are the ones to ensure that situations like this do not happen, regardless of their children's differences.

footballmum · 02/08/2019 21:39

What’s more strange in this situation is that they appear to have arranged a family holiday (which let’s face it doesn’t happen spontaneously) and haven’t actually mentioned it to you!! In those circumstances I would definitely raise it and ask (a) why they’d done it and (b) why the secrecy?!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 02/08/2019 21:40

I don't think I could let it slide either, especially because they had a chance to mention it but they haven't and said they were busy. Everyone I know would say that they're on holiday and will catch up when back.

I'd just reply with "ok, enjoy your holiday x" and leave them to it.

Groovee · 02/08/2019 21:41

@Crunchymum no 😳 just auto correct on my phone. I would need to ask!

GiveMeSleepAndEvenMoreWine · 02/08/2019 21:43

I would have to ask directly 'I see all the family has been away to Turkey, why was we not invited?'

apacketofcrisps · 02/08/2019 21:44

The only way you will find out is to ask 🤷🏼‍♀️

R2G · 02/08/2019 21:48

How horrible. Yanbu

AcrossthePond55 · 02/08/2019 21:49

I'd just ask flat, but without emotion. "Why was I not invited?" but no emotive or 'guilt' language like 'I'm hurt you didn't', 'Why did you exclude me', etc, etc.

Could they possibly have thought that you couldn't afford it?

BanginChoons · 02/08/2019 21:53

I am actually so annoyed on your behalf. That's a horrible thing for them to have done.

lostpigeon · 02/08/2019 21:53

don't bother talking to them again, block etc

Doilooklikeatourist · 02/08/2019 21:56

That’s so hurtful , I can’t think why they’d be so unkind
And , yes , you need to ask why

justasking111 · 02/08/2019 21:59

Seems so odd they all colluded to keep this from you OP.

Exhsuatedmuch · 02/08/2019 22:00

Totally understand how hurt and angry you feel. I've had this happen multiple times and never confronted them. Wish I had.. We have no contact now at all. You must be very hurt x

Nanny0gg · 02/08/2019 22:04

It's not just you weren't invited. It's the secrecy.

ginnybag · 02/08/2019 22:04

I'd have to ask as well.

Group text to all adults: DD has just seen that you all appear to be on holiday. Obviously, she wants to know why we weren't included because she's very upset, as am I. I told her there would be a good reason, so please let me know what that was asap.

Beautiful3 · 02/08/2019 22:07

I would tell the truth. "My daughter has seen pictures if your family holiday. She's very upset to have not been invited she wants to know why you've gone away without telling us and for excluding us? Did we do something wrong?"

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 02/08/2019 22:08

That’s horrible. Even if they thought OP couldn’t afford it the polite thing to do would still be to give her right of refusal.

pebblemix · 02/08/2019 22:08

Oh wow. Do you normally see or get on with them? If not then it’s understandable but it’s really not ok to have left you and your dd out. How hurtful. I’d send a group message including everybody you know is there. I’d say “Hi all. Just to let you know that dd has seen photos of all of you on holiday together and is very confused and upset and asking me why we weren’t included. I would have really appreciated being told you were all going away so I could have prepared to answer her. I’m not sure what we’ve done wrong to be left out in this cruel manner but to take it out on dd by leaving her out is not ok. I’ve told her that sadly we have a family who don’t consider other people’s feelings and we will both try hard not to be like that. Shame as we would have enjoyed the opportunity to be a part of a family vacation. Anyway, I hope you all have a nice time”
Fuck them. It’s not ok for them to act like that.

pictish · 02/08/2019 22:12

Oh gosh. Have you asked them why you and yours have been left out? I understand why you feel as you do but seek an explanation before assuming the worst.

Jupiter13 · 02/08/2019 22:16

Every family has the black sheep.... perhaps that's how they see you....if not I wouldn't let them know you're bothered. Book a fabulous holiday for yourself and don't tell them.. Good luck.

maddening · 02/08/2019 22:19

Definitely ask them, however not while they are together, I would wait till they are home, meet sat you mum and one sister together and message your question to other sidings simultaneously while you ask mum and sister face to face, that way they have no time to collude

VenusTiger · 02/08/2019 22:21

@Youwillneverwalkalone12
Did your sisters say they were busy whilst they were in fact in Turkey? If so, they’re keeping it from you and I’d want to know why.

saraclara · 02/08/2019 22:21

Yep. Don't text, it gives collusion and planning time. This needs doing face to face without anyone having any inkling that you know. Their first reaction when put on the spot, will tell you what you need to know.

TurnAroundWhenPossible · 02/08/2019 22:22

You need to confront them OP. On a smaller scale, we were excluded from a birthday dinner for my mother some years ago. My brother was unaware we were excluded and casually mentioned it the day before. I was straight on the phone to my sister who had arranged it. Her pathetic excuse was that as there were 4 of us (me, DH and 2 DC) mum couldn't afford to pay for us and they couldn't expect us to pay. She just didn't want us there. This sister has enjoyed Christmas in our home for the past 25 years!, and various birthday parties, mother's days etc. She has never hosted anything. Something snapped in me that day and I have little to do with her now. My mother just laughed it off as usual. Get mad OP, make them squirm.