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Sir James Talbot tackles Mrs. Jack Maynard's Displaced Organ

954 replies

QuaterMiss · 02/08/2019 18:17

Would I be unreasonable to initiate legal proceedings against this man?

Previous thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3624032-Not-to-have-realised-until-now-that-Joey-Maynard-s-displaced-organ-was-a-prolapse?

With thanks to Jemima232 for rifling through Sir James’ archives to supply the title of this one.

OP posts:
QuaterMiss · 08/08/2019 08:25

I’m prepared to partially rescind my earlier criticism of Ruey. It does pick up the pace after half term (which is itself a whirlwind of private flights and chauffeured limousines, or what the papers would call ‘a secretive network of billionaire businessmen and elite international families’). For whoever it was who asked - it is indeed the one where her dad and another chap, sadly unnamed, take off for the Moon. And I cannot recall whether, in any later book, they are ever heard of again.

Jemima ... Nah, mate. Maybe Madge was too infatuated with Sir JT to admit the obvious. The man probably fathered half the offspring born to doctor-marrying ex-Chalet School teachers resident within 100 miles of the San. (I am reminded of a recent case in the news concerning, IIRC, an ivf Doctor ...)

Although - to be frank, it seems highly likely that the local peasant population provided erm, social entertainment for the school population.

Speaking of entertainment - this is also the book in which Misses Wilmot and Ferrars use their free weekend to travel down to Basle together ‘to attend some university lectures’. HmmHmm I’m certain EBD knew exactly what she was saying. And it seems to me those two had a rather enviable life set up. Just think of them gradually promoted into solid wealth and eventually retiring together to an apartment in some cool European city ...

OP posts:
QuaterMiss · 08/08/2019 08:32

One more word -

Star Prefects Star

Pretty please. If anyone has it. Heart’s desire, etc ...

OP posts:
NewSchoolNewName · 08/08/2019 10:27

I only have a paperback copy of Prefects.

IIRC it’s the one where Len gets engaged to Reg Envy

trixiebelden77 · 08/08/2019 10:49

I’ve got the Armada paperback of Prefects.

Not sure how much was cut. The super creepy prooosal/acceptance from Reg and Len unfortunately remains.

Gremlinsateit · 08/08/2019 11:03

Please may I have the Dropbox link? I know it’s Thursday so I should be asking in German, but I only went to the local schools :)

QuaterMiss · 08/08/2019 11:15

The local schools?

Shock

Dear me.

Never mind - I’m sure Karen can find you something to do in the kitchen. She’ll train you up. After twenty years of learning how to speak nicely (from passing the well brought up young ladies in the corridors) you might even be allowed to carry the K&K tray to Miss Annersley’s private salon. Occasionally.

OP posts:
Papergirl1968 · 08/08/2019 11:28

Perhaps the triplets had different fathers. I believe that can happen occasionally with twins when the mother releases two eggs which get fertilised by two sperm from two different men so why not with triplets? After all, Margot must have got her devil from somewhere Smile

Toomanyradishes · 08/08/2019 13:27

I used to have access to the cs books via the login which no longer works, if someone is able to add me to the dropbox I would massively appreciate it

PhilSwagielka · 08/08/2019 13:49

Geoff, Phil and Cecil are definitely Gaudenz's twins. He was a stud.

Lonelykettleshed · 08/08/2019 19:45

Fail Fail - sometime in 1940(ish)

Kid's writer flaunts massive baby bump in front of £5000 house

Josephine M Bettany, writer of Cecily Holds the Fort, was spotted yesterday flaunting a massive baby bump outside her Channel Island home. The author's hero husband has been away fighting on the Continent for many months but lucky Joey is with child.

Disgraced surgeon, Sir James Talbot was a regular visitor to the Channel Islands where he was a close friend of the author's sister. He and Joey met regularly at her sister's £7500 home. Sir James often visited the continent before the outbreak of hostilities as he escorted a stream of young women to the Sonnalpe to recover from various ailments.

The author, her sister and their various friends remain under suspicion by the British authorities due to their Europe loving ways. An unnamed source said that 'everyone knows they were up to no good, they speak those foreign languages so that you can't understand them and refuse to eat good English Spam but eat exotic things like veal and potatoes'.

capercaillie · 08/08/2019 19:49

Loved the Chalet school! I’m currently on holiday near Pertisau - reputed to be where the first Austria ones are set. We came last year and found out the link after I booked. No one else in the family was remotely excited by this!

Lonelykettleshed · 08/08/2019 19:53

Caper, if you go to Pertisau (using the cog railway) and go to the small library in the tourist information there is a small plaque saying that it is the setting for the early Chalet School stories.

QuaterMiss · 08/08/2019 20:29

Delighted to see the gutter press taking an interest in the reprehensible doings of the multilingual elite, Lonelykettleshed! Star

OP posts:
SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 08/08/2019 21:59

@QuaterMiss

You are suggesting that I was the father of Miss Bettany's first three children? That I, a respected surgeon and fanjo-botherer would have done such a dreadful thing?

Be aware that I am taking legal advice.

@Lonelykettleshed

Madam.

In what was can you possibly describe me as "disgraced" in your reprehensible newspaper article?

I am thoroughly shocked.

@Jemima232

I have sent you the first draft of The Busted Fanjo and hope that you will consider publication.

Mr. Winebucket would very much like to have the book dedicated to himself. I cannot see myself that he has any claim to this honour but I will be guided by you in this matter.

Papergirl1968 · 08/08/2019 22:00

I was just reading a Chalet School thread on Facebook in which they were discussing Len and Reg’s relationship and comparing it to Jo and Jack’s.
They mentioned Jo having an earlier admirer who was also a doctor, and she went to India for a while, partly to escape him.
Anyone know which EBD book this was covered in. I know there was a fill in about jo’s time in India but I just stick to the originals. I’ve looked at the synopses again but can’t spot it. It would presumably be between Jo Returns and Exile.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 08/08/2019 22:01

The Busted Fanjo is a further account of my activities aboard this boat.

I hope very much to prove that I did not use the funds of the Chalet School to win at baccarat.

I was too drunk to win Old Maid never mind Baccarat

Jemima232 · 08/08/2019 22:06

Sir James

If you think for one moment that I have any intention of publishing any more of your crappy books - think again.

The Busted Fanjo is littered with syntactical errors and is not worthy of publication.

Did Mr. Winebucket actually write it? I can hardly believe that anyone with a medical degree (or half a medical degree in your case) could have produced anything so poorly constructed.

Lonelykettleshed · 08/08/2019 22:20

Sir James, an 'unnamed source' (me) provided allegations of your activities. Our newspaper considers that sufficient to publish. We shall continue to print such articles for a few days. We will then say that you have said that the allegations are untrue whilst repeating them again.

NewSchoolNewName · 08/08/2019 23:18

@Papergirl1968

There aren’t any Chalet School books (written by EBD anyway) covering Jo’s trip to India.

From stuff I’ve read before, the understanding I have is that there’s some evidence that EBD had planned to write a book about Jo going to India, but that she’d never got round to actually writing it.

Parker231 · 08/08/2019 23:23

There is a fill in book - The Chalet School Girls in India- by Priyadarshini Narendra which covers Joey and Robin’s trip to India to stay with Dick and Mollie.

Papergirl1968 · 08/08/2019 23:44

Thanks, fellow Chaletians. I don’t have Kindle unlimited but will look
Into how I might acquire India.

Gremlinsateit · 09/08/2019 03:46

Oh no Quatermiss, the local English schools. And my poor but genteel mother taught me quite acceptable manners and needlework at home.

PhilSwagielka · 09/08/2019 10:21

I'm reading Shocks at the moment. Emerence is hilarious. She's such a little shitbag.

RosaliesGinBottle · 09/08/2019 10:36

Oh good lord! Hallo folk! I have a vague recollection that I may have helped with the original file upload as those files are numbered by my system, and I think I snuck the Abbeys in too! Was it me? It was some time in the Sleepless Years, so my memory is very shaky. Bit worried about Sir James and Jemima on this thread though.