We should be leaving to go on holiday today

[TheoriginalLEM]

We should be packing up the van and making the journey to Scotland for a camping trip.

Instead we are waiting to see if my mother will be discharged from hospital.

I shouldn't feel like this but I am as resentful as fuck. My dd is devastated and so i am I quite frankly.

There's a long back story but i am my mother's sole "carer" and she treats me like shit, yet guilt wont allow me to say actually just stay in bloody hospital, pay someone to care for her cat, and piss off.

I get zero support from social services and she refuses to see her GP.

I work ten hour days and was soo looking forward to a break as it has been so bloody awful at work this year.

AIBU to be feeling sorry for myself. The only compensation is that we only paid a £5 deposit as we were camping.

Please come and be nice to me I just feel like crying

LEM I remember your threads over the years. (Can't believe your dd is 14!)

GO! Your mum (and everyone in the system) is getting you to do stuff. It makes it easier for them. If you stop, something else will happen. It will not be bad - it may even be good for your mum to look after herself for a change, or allow someone other to do it for her.

It's time. Put your self and your dd first.

And u might get an earful when u return. However you can use this break as a catalyst for change. Being a carer is hard, especially when the person is difficult.
You MUST go on this break for your own mh and you Must stand up for yourself and not allow anyone even your mother to treat you like a doormat.
She'll be fuming yes, but it won't kill her, it's her problem
Enjoy your holiday!!

Everyone on here 100% agrees you should go. You need to go for your daughter's sake, your DP's sake and most of all for the sake of your own physical and mental well being.

Your mother will be fine. Hospitals and Social Services are used to dealing with difficult older people. Your mother has capacity - if she decides to self discharge then so be it. This may be the wake up call she needs if you are not running round after her all the time.

Things need to change OP. Starting NOW. Tell the hospital you are going after all (it doesn't matter what they think) sort out the cat and pack your stuff . And make sure you pack some wine and treats.

Go. Do it for your DD if you can't do it for yourself. She deserves a break & some fun too

She is safe in hospital.

Go on Your holiday and ignore the phone.

If she can't care for herself she will have to accept help if she wants to go home.

Sorry but I'd fucking go. When my mum was ill my dad always advised me to put my own health and wellbeing first. Any normal parent would say this. It gave me the reassurance i needed and less of the guilt when i did go on holiday or leave my mum.

LEM, just go honey. Pack up the van tonight and just go. Go to Norfolk (you're not in the right place for a 12 hour drive and the weather is shite here atm).

When you get in the van, give DH your mobile phone. Don't look at it for the week. Just go.

Go. Have a lovely break. x

Let the hospital know you're going away for a week and you will not be able to care for your mother. Make sure she has a key if they discharge her.
Nurses can arrange dosset boxes through her pharmacy, all your mother would have to do is open it and take her medication.
This is NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
If she is deemed unsafe to go home, the nurses will arrange assessments. If she is safe, she will be discharged and she can care for herself.
The nurses will not think bad of you, they would have looked after your mother and know what she is like. I say this as a nurse and know the immense pressure some patients put on their relatives, when quite often than not, they can do everything for themselves anyway.
You need to put yourself and your daughter first.
Please please go for this holiday, turn ypur phone off and just have a lovely week with your family

Go, it sounds like your part in all of this might be preventing your mum receiving the help she needs.

If your mother is refusing any outside help but expecting it from you then she is being very manipulative. Be blunt with the hospital staff and SS and tell them there is nobody to help her; you are not available and help will be needed; tell your DM this as well, if she was that incapable she wouldn’t be allowed to leave hospital. Order a blister pack at pharmacy she can take that herself, unless she’s mentally incapable leave, GO your holiday, she’ll still be there when you get back.
Pop cat into a chattery 😉

• cattery

P.S
Weather in Scotland is fine 18+ most days with an occasional shower 😉

You have over 200 posts telling you to go and not a single one saying don't go. This has to be one of the most unanimous aibu posts I've seen.

And I'm another one saying GO. I'm already gutted for you that you didn't go today. I'm rooting for you, please please please go.

I think there will be a collective Mumsnet cheer when you come back on here Sunday to say you've left home and on your way to the campsite.

If you're feeling anxious about talking to the hospital, would DP call them for you?

Shame you didn't ask AIBU to go and put the voting thing on! I am sure it would be 100% YANBU for probably first and last time in MN history!

So many posts telling you to go..
You dont seem to realise that you are demonstrating the same cycle of behaviour toward your own daughter now. The disappointed, the refusal to follow through with solutions to problems.. it's sad.
Allow your family to be the priority and have a holiday.

Go on Sunday as your DP suggests. If she was a kind and loving mother, our answers might be different, but she isn't and you desperately need this break. don't let your own health break down further.

Cat goes into a cattery today and you GO, go on holiday. Somebody mentioned Norfolk - I haven't RTFT but the are some lovely campsites with pods here in Norfolk and they only need you to bring bedding and they're really reasonable prices, nowhere near as pricey as some places charge for pods.

But your mum is safe in hospital. You do so much for her and for your job, you can't pour from an empty cup. You wouldn't expect a carer you employed to never have time off, that woe be modern day slavery, you need the break in order to be the best help you can for her when you're there. Old I'll parents is a long hard slog, and you will regret not going for the rest of your days. GO!

Go!!!

I'm disabled, but my goodness, I don't rely on my children for support! That's not why I became a mother! My oldest travels a lot... without a second thought to whether I might need help, or not. Which is as it should be.

SHE has refused the care packages .

GO !

Another one saying GO!

Your DP and DD are more important than your mother who is in the care of HCPs and has declined SS input.

Your mental health and wellbeing is important too.

Go spend some time with your family. Have a lovely holiday.

If you come anywhere near me (Northern Argyll, right by the sea) I bake you a cake.
Seriously, Go!

I think it is likely that the hospital have only been ‘so kind to sort out sleeping pill and anxiety meds’ for your Mum because they want to try and make it a little easier for you if she is discharged from hospital with you remaining her sole caregiver. I imagine that they would not only be sympathetic to you saying ‘no, I’m going on holiday’ but are rooting for you to do so but are not allowed to outright say it to you.
Don’t let those that would benefit from you continuing on as you have been persuade or pressure you into continuing. A line needs to be drawn and now is a good time to do so.
Sending you strength and resolve, I think the whole of MN is behind you.

Go.

Tell her she engages SS, or pays for her own private care.
You cannot pour from an empty cup, you have no more to give.
If you don’t go then I honestly think this will do more damage to your immediate family than it ever will your mother.

So go