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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give birth through the NHS?

358 replies

HereOrThereAndAnywhere · 01/08/2019 18:44

With all the news stories of poor NHS maternity care and not good outcomes, I'm wondering if it would be worth it to give birth in another country. Is that a bad idea? Was your birth experience (if you had one in the last couple years) ok?

For voting purposes

YABU = Maternity care is perfect and there's nothing to worry about
YANBU = Maternity care has really gone downhill so I would try to figure out another way to give birth either privately or abroad

OP posts:
lululatetotheparty · 01/08/2019 20:27

I would have an NHS birth (maybe with a private midwife) and private aftercare at an NHS hospital if you can find it nearby. You certainly don't want to be a long way from home if you end up with any kind of situation where either you or the baby need to be in hospital for any length of time. I have had 3 UK births but some antenatal care in other European countries... and very glad I gave birth here.

SlowMoFuckingToes · 01/08/2019 20:28

I had all sorts of interventions I didn't need on the NHS and the whole thing was traumatic. For the second birth I went private and had zero interventions.

Pipandmum · 01/08/2019 20:31

Well interesting idea with brexit looming.
You must be pretty well off to consider moving to another country just to give birth.
If you went private here and something went wrong where do you think they take you? An NHS hospital. That may be the same in any country so not only do you have to research and find a private hospital to take you but also how the state run ones are. Seems a silly idea based on some media stories, the vast majority give birth here just fine.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 01/08/2019 20:33

YABU I think moving is a complete over reaction!

Do your research info the local maternity hospitals - how often they've had to close due to being over capacity etc

Decide if you want drugs on offer like an epidural If so your choice will be smaller. If your high risk you'll have to go to a consultant led centre - if you're low risk you've got the option of midwife led unit

If your worried about distance to hospital or your unit turning you away due to over capacity request a home water birth or even an elective c section (extreme!)

18YearsAMummy · 01/08/2019 20:33

YANBU

I live in central london and the hospitals are very good, but I’ve always decided to go private when it comes to mine and my childrens health.

User24689 · 01/08/2019 20:38

OP, both my babies were born abroad (Australia) and hold dual nationality. There is a bit of scaremongering on this thread about the nationality/ passport thing.

The baby will not need to 'apply for British citizenship', it will be born British (by descent). You will just need to apply for a passport for the baby. For this, you'll just need the baby's birth certificate (so you'll be dependent on how long the other country takes to produce this) and your own/ the father's birth certificates if you're British yourself. Yes you'll need a guarantor etc but you'd need one of those for a passport even if the baby was born in the UK and they could send the forms back to you by post. I did my two kids earlier this year and it took a week from sending the application in.

Od course, I don't know what the airline rules are on how old a baby must be to fly.

Waterdropsdown · 01/08/2019 20:39

Post natal ward experience was what made me realise our nhs is broken beyond repair. I’ve had a few hospital experiences over the past few years which were all satisfactory (including excellent care immediately post c section when I had some very major problems). My stay on the post natal ward was a truly awful experience and I can’t believe women who had just given birth are treated like that.

pennypineapple · 01/08/2019 20:43

Several people talking about how good the hospitals are in London. I'm clearly in the wrong part of London because the hospitals near me are rubbish and all have terrible CQC scores!

Walkaround · 01/08/2019 20:44

HereOrThereAndAnywhere - you'd have to be extremely wealthy to be considering giving birth overseas as a lower risk option. Childbirth is nothing like a little bit of elective surgery. I doubt there are any insurers who would be willing to cover all the risks of deliberately giving birth overseas for you. Do you think you can afford months of neonatal intensive care, or the cost of, eg, your womb rupturing and you nearly bleeding to death, or the cost of repatriating a seriously ill mother and newborn baby to the UK? It's because childbirth is inherently very risky that the situation in your home country would have to be appalling for it to be worthwhile to take the risks of giving birth privately in another country.

BitOfAKerfuffle · 01/08/2019 20:47

Why instead of going abroad don't you just have a home birth and hire a private midwife !?

Anyone who thinks its a smart idea to travel abroad and give birth and then postnatally bring a newborn home on a flight....well i've had 2 kids and quite frankly i think its very unrealistic !

I've had 2 births on the NHS can't fault the care at all had a very low intervention midwife led stand alone birth which was lovely brand new ensuite birthing suites, partner allowed to stay 24 hours you went into your room gave birth there and remained in it after baby was born until discharge it was bigger than my whole downstairs and very private and lovely and had lots of support from the staff both in labour and in learning to be a mum afterwards.
My 2nd birth high risk pregnancy a lot of intervention in the pregnancy and during the labour and delivery required neonatal teams at the birth, required neonatal care afterwards and i could not fault one area of my care, yes it probably wasn't the ideal picture of natural birthing situation but it was nothing to do with anything that the staff did or didn't do and the fact that i had a room full of people around me that had mine and the babys best interests at heart and not because i was lining their pockets well money couldn't buy that. Neither could i afford the expense it would have been !

makingmammaries · 01/08/2019 20:49

I gave birth once on the NHS and 4 times in Switzerland. The NHS care was extremely poor and if I had not been very vocal I suspect my baby would have fared badly. The NHS only seems OK if you have nothing, or only developing countries, to compare it with. It’s chronically underfunded and many of the frontline staff act as though they are doing you a favour by doing their jobs.

mindutopia · 01/08/2019 20:50

I had 2 lovely births on the NHS, both home births, both fantastic care. My postnatal care with my first was awful (but I can’t really blame the midwives too much for that as it wasn’t all them). But it was all around amazing with my second. Named midwife all the way through who did all my appointments at home. They were very attentive and very supportive. They did exactly what I needed in labour and respected my wishes. They gave me options and information but they were supportive of me making my own informed choices. I actually cried the day we got discharged!

I also had a miscarriage between my 2 and saw a lot of the EPU staff and a bereavement midwife. They couldn’t have been more lovely and I felt very well cared for, even through an awful experience.

I’m not originally from the UK (my dh is British). The maternity care was actually one of reasons we moved here to have a family. You couldn’t have paid me to give birth in my home country.

MILlovesBegonias · 01/08/2019 20:52

I was drugged out of my brains giving birth & flat on my back. Despite this the pain relief didn't work & I was in blinding agony - for 3 days. Not a good experience & it totally fucked up bonding.

Missmopfromcalifornia · 01/08/2019 20:52

Two nhs births here in the city hospital near some of the most deprived areas in the UK. The hospital is constantly getting bad press. But I could not fault any of the care I received with either birth (8 years apart).

My youngest was born in the midwife led unit attached to the hospital (this wasn’t available first time round) and it was honestly the most lovely, peaceful environment. I didn’t get to use the full facilities e.g birthing pool etc due to time but they had so much available. Baby had meconium in the waters and we ended up with several midwives in the room who were all encouraging and kind. I wish I could do it all over again but without the distressed baby part obviously. That to me would be the perfect environment. Near enough to the hospital for if things do go wrong but in the event all turns out well, in an amazingly well staffed, relaxing, patient first unit. And all for free on the good old nhs.

Cosentyx · 01/08/2019 21:02

Post natal care tends to be hell. Those fucking wards. Uggh. Full of men now, too.

AnNHSforall · 01/08/2019 21:07

When I was pregnant (21+ years ago) I was offered community midwives home visits continuity of care etc etc as I’d heard out local hospital was a conveyor belt. By 20 weeks (1st pregnancy I was running into difficulties and my care was transferred to the local obstetricians at the the local hospital. There is one of the worlds leading ante natek centres and mums literally came from all over the world I met lovely dedicated doctors who just wanted what was best for me. It wasn’t a conveyor belt at all. Second time round I was refers straight to the complex pregnancy team ok I sometimes waited over an hours to be seen the waiting room was crumby but every time I sat in front of some of the world must respected obstetricians who again just wanted the best for me and my baby. We both nearly died the second time but totally dedicated staff made sure we didn't. All for free. Yup the ward was scruffy the food crap it’s was noisy but who cares we are alive today and let’s dace it that’s what matters all because of the NHS and those doctors. Why would you go anywhere else?

XXcstatic · 01/08/2019 21:07

I've had a baby on the NHS and won't be repeating that experience.
I'm moving to the Netherlands next year so that's where I'll have my second one

Then you will probably be giving birth without pain relief, and you'll have to pay several hundred pounds if you want to give birth in hospital, not at home.

There are loads of great things about the Dutch health system, and their maternity outcomes are good, but it's very different from the UK, especially the assumption that pain relief in labour is exceptional, rather than the norm. If you want an epidural or even pethidine, make sure you choose a hospital that has an anaesthetist on site 24/7 - lots of birth units don't.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 01/08/2019 21:07

In the nicest possible way, you're out of your mind.

There is a huge gap between the 2 options given.

Did the NHS save me and my babies, twice? Yes

Did they do everything they should have done? Yes

Did they genuinely care about me and my baby and do everything they could for us? Yes

Were they under pressure due to staff shortages?

Did they do their absolute best? Yes

Was I presented with a huge bill at the end? No

BlueJava · 01/08/2019 21:12

Personally I went private as I didn't like the level of care.

yikesanotherbooboo · 01/08/2019 21:14

YABU . The only thing I would sympathise with is the noisy postnatal ward ; which is miserable. If you have a lhospital with single rooms or access to an amenity bed I would stick with nhs. I would not choose to go privately .

userabcname · 01/08/2019 21:16

I had a traumatic birth in 2017 but cannot fault the care I received. The postnatal care was very good. I am pregnant again and high-risk this time because of my previous experience and have found all the healthcare professionals I have seen so far to be very supportive and caring.

Teapot13 · 01/08/2019 21:21

I really want to know where in London you can get a full private maternity package for £5900. . .

FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 01/08/2019 21:28

Yes of you go.
Go and abroad and save our resources please.

FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 01/08/2019 21:29

*off

catwithflowers · 01/08/2019 21:30

I’ve given birth in three different countries. All were positive experiences. My first child was a home birth in South London, second born in a very posh private clinic in Switzerland (my least favourite if I had to pick one) and another home birth in the Netherlands. My third baby being born in the Netherlands was a lovely birth, possibly the best of the three. Very peaceful and relaxed. My mum cut the cord and interestingly, I had a male midwife 😊

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