Friend didn't tell me she moved ..aibu to be a bit annoyed?

[upupupandaways]

Well maybe not annoyed but a bit baffled.
We've been friends for 20 years.
We text every day and chat on the phone 3x a week sometimes more.
It was her birthday yesterday and we were meeting for lunch,as a extra surprise I sent her a bouquet of flowers.
The company rang and said they couldn't be delivered as the person no longer lived there.
I called my friend and she said "oh yeah we've moved,2 months ago,I never had the time to tell you"
???? We speak every day.
She had been renting but has bought this house.
How do you not tell your friend you've bought a house?
I just find it odd.
She was looking at houses a few months ago and said it was just for fun and they weren't in a position to buy etc
So she's gone through the whole process of putting offers in etc etc
Not saying a word.
We used to tell each other everything

Well Namechange it was only half the story, wasn't it? She didn't even say "he wants us to move in together" or anything roundabout like that. So what was true and what was aggravation from the pressure of buying a house? I'll never know.

So you cast your mind back to conversations, looking for clues. But if you can't find any at all, it does make you reassess the entire friendship and how much emotional currency you should be spending on it.

I didn't change frequency of contact at the time. But I was much more circumspect at telling her private things and expected little in return.

Before your update OP I was going to say I bet this is about embarrassment on her part re: the house she's bought. Are you wealthier than her?

Her saying she was only viewing it to see what was out there and buying it but not wanting to tell you really does make it seem she feels ashamed or embarrassed or is worried what you might think rather than anything else going on.

If that is the case i'd just let her have it, congratulate her on the move, say I wish you had told me so I could have sent a card, house looks fantastic etc.

A family member recently moved house. The only person that knew was her own mother on the day she moved. Why, I don’t know. It’s a gorgeous house, lots and lots bigger than her old one so perhaps she felt she’d need to justify it. I don’t know, but it was her right to keep quiet so we all respect that.

One of my friends did the same thing, I think I probably found out a month after she moved. I didn’t really give it too much thought, but I’m guessing as it was a substantial upgrade she didn’t want to announce it in case it seemed like she was boasting? Could it be the same thing?

Where are you that you can get houses for under £80,000?

Huge areas of the country have houses cheaper than that. Our two bed terrace was 60k two years ago.

That is massively weird. I would start to think that she wasn’t that keen on me any more!

Perhaps it's no one else business and I am sick of posters on here telling you she is not much of a friend. It's her business, not yours@upupupandaways

It may not be you that is the problem. She may have wanted to hide it from someone else (like a family member) so couldn't tell anyone in case that other person found out.

She's close to all her family so they will all deffo know.
Very odd situation

Whatever you do, don’t look on Rightmove at property prices for Middlesbrough - crazy cheap.... I could get a mansion up there... and I don’t have anything of the like down here.

Sorry OP. Meant to add yanbu and she’s super weird.

Very strange. I would be reassessing the friendship

Buying and moving house, even when it's straight forward is not something a normal person could avoid mentioning to someone the speak to several times a week, without effort.

Whatever her reasoning, I wouldn't trust a friend who would do that and I sure as hell wouldn't be sharing any personal info with them again.

It strikes me as very sneaky and underhanded.

It's not about wanting to know a friends business, but the effort involved in her not mentioning this huge thing!

Screw that. I wouldn't want anyone so sly knowing my business.

We moved house very easily. The daffodills were out when we viewed it and had moved in by the first week of June. Only house we viewed. No chain. Seller was already out and wanted a quick sale. We were in a position where it was easier to rent our old one out than mess with selling at a difficult time.

We didn't keep it secret as such, but there wasn't much to say on the topic, and we didn't rush to advertise the fact. Our new address was shared not long after the event as we hosted a Christening. Many of our friends were struggling with employment stability around those years which was another reason not to want to advertise too many details blatently.

I'm not a regularly phoning kind of friend though. I call when there is a purpose.

Some people are rubbish at updating contact details. We've struggled umpteen times with changes of phone number/ address at Guiding. You'd think people would want the people who are caring for their precious child would want them ro be able to get in touch if necessary...

Is she a lot quieter than you? Wondering because I can be quite quiet in conversation and if the other person is a talker, I’ll let them carry on. And then I am socialised out and can’t be bothered talking about me. Even so, it is a big thing to mention nothing at all about moving house. I can’t imagine not even mentioning it in passing.

northbacchus, here in Liverpool, houses are less than that. A two up/two down can start from £25k, even in nice areas they are around £70k.

Our HA sold stock off, for, £40k, three bedrooms and gardens, but you had to owner occupy.

This happened to me, I knew she was thinking of moving but not exactly when. Heard from a mutual friend she'd gone, I was sad and disappointed. A long while later she got back in touch to day sorry she was so rude but she had been in a bad place and had to go. I wrote back to say I understood, I knew she had had some issues but tbh although we did the whole "must have a chat sonetime" conversation the friendship never really recovered

Without sounding rude, could there be a reason she didn't tell u.... For example, are you the type to turn up uninvited and she doesn't like that? No offence intended, but it does seem strange!

@mumtobe1984 I think I've been to her house twice in 5 years.
I never turn up uninvited anywhere so deffo not that

It's not as if I would ask prying questions.
It would have been me offering help if needed and have you thought up colour schemes etc
There must have been times I've said have you been up to much ? And nothing

Sounds very strange to me. How did the lunch go? Did you talk about it?

You’ve been friends for year, you text every day, speak on the phone three times a week and are seeing her for her birthday BUT you have only been to her house twice in 5 years?!

Why is that?

@fedup21 I have no idea,she never invites me over,she always says it's too small (or was) for visitors,we meet in town every time.

@Eistigi no she didn't really mention it,just said i can't wait to show you when it's not messy