Friend didn't tell me she moved ..aibu to be a bit annoyed?

[upupupandaways]

Well maybe not annoyed but a bit baffled.
We've been friends for 20 years.
We text every day and chat on the phone 3x a week sometimes more.
It was her birthday yesterday and we were meeting for lunch,as a extra surprise I sent her a bouquet of flowers.
The company rang and said they couldn't be delivered as the person no longer lived there.
I called my friend and she said "oh yeah we've moved,2 months ago,I never had the time to tell you"
???? We speak every day.
She had been renting but has bought this house.
How do you not tell your friend you've bought a house?
I just find it odd.
She was looking at houses a few months ago and said it was just for fun and they weren't in a position to buy etc
So she's gone through the whole process of putting offers in etc etc
Not saying a word.
We used to tell each other everything

So did you ask her about it over lunch, @upupupandaways?

So she's lived around the corner from you for 2 months and hasn't mentioned it? That's incredibly strange.

Cross posted, sorry.

So then didn’t you point out that you speak every day?

I know someone whose parents moved abroad while he was in his first term at uni. He got a letter (Pre mobile days) telling him to make alternative arrangements for Christmas if he couldn’t afford to fly out. He hadn’t had an inkling before then.

But - he didn’t speak regularly to them like you did with your friend. Baffling!

Does she think that you are too involved in her life, and wanted to go it alone.

Strange though not to mention the move.

Is there any chance she would be worried about competition for the house? Round our way competition for certain houses at the right price is high. That means people can be quite cagey even with friends until the deal is done.

I hate to say it but I don’t think she wants to be your friend. I had someone do this to me over a period of time and we’d been mates for about 16 years. No longer friends now.

That is weird. Do you talk a lot? Some people spend so long talking about themselves even if they do eventually ask you about yourself, I find by that time I've lost all energy to talk about myself anyway/ have been desperately trying to get away for the last half an hour so grab the opportunity to leave the conversation.

I can understand people not talking about house buying until it's done and dusted, it can be such a difficult process that you might not want to get your hopes up until it's all done and dusted. But it's weird that she's actually moved and hasn't mentioned it.

Texting every day and speaking at least 3 times a week is a pretty full on relationship, I would find that too much from even my closest friends, so I do wonder if she's wanting to pull back a bit.

Are you both on SM, and if so, presumably she hasn't posted anything on there either?

Have you had any contact since the lunch? In your situation I think I would let her initiate the contact, and take my lead from her.

I hate to say it but I don’t think she wants to be your friend..

You missed the bit in the OP where they are going out to lunch today?

That's so weird - she must have been actively avoiding speaking to you about it to not mention packing, stressing about sorting movers, talking to conveyancers etc. When I was moving I discussed it with people I barely knew because the experience is so universal and anyone can sympathise with the stress of it all. It sounds like there is something else going on - did you get any sense of it when you were talking?

Does she initiate the texts first or do you? Who arranged lunch? 2 months and you'd think she'd be excited to show you her house so defo weird.

Where are you that you can get houses for under £80,000?

There's obviously some reason why she didn't tell you, I have no idea what that is though

This happened to me.

V close friend. Living at home with her folks and in a relationship with a nice enough guy who she clearly wasn't in love with. Called over to mine one afternoon and went on and on about her doubts and how she couldn't see herself walking down the aisle towards him. I kinda doubted she'd dump him as she was 30 and clearly feeling her age and had already been with him a couple of years so I just murmured soothingly.

3 weeks later we go out for drinks with some other friends.

Her: "So I've news! Me and Boyfriend have bought a house!"
Me: stunned silence as every other person there bursts into congrats
I did congratulate her then of course once I'd blinked a couple of times and she'd glanced nervously at me. And I was super effusive too, cos in those 5 seconds I'd realised it was a done deed and every breath of mine from now on would be wasted.

The entire time she was agonising over the relationship in my flat, she had already spent weeks viewing houses, had gotten solicitors involved, got a loan for a deposit, made an offer, and had it accepted. That's a lot to omit to mention!

Anyway, it certainly altered our friendship. I realised I was not a confidante and opted not to use her as a confidante either.

Our relationship now, many years later, has devolved into small talk.

I certainly wouldn't trust someone who would be so secretive about something so normal.

She is not a real friend despite what you think.

What she did is extremely weird and off.

Take it as a warning IMO

@ElspethFlashman I interpret your story quite differently. You were the real confidante, relative to the fundamental doubts as to whether she was in a relationship that was right for her, the process of buying a house is the small talk. She had bigger worries and trusted you to share them with you. The people she'd tell the factual house buying stuff to, she doesn't need to trust nearly as much as the emotional concerns of her relationship doubts.

I had a friend like this!
She ended up being very secretive over bizarre things, then became an outright liar. Always seemed to want to know my business (to share with other people apparently) but was always very vague with anything she had going on.
I couldn't deal with her, we aren't friends anymore.

@northbacchus we are in Middlesbrough,I've seen 2beds go up here for £60,000

@MrsPerfect12 I'm normally the one who initiates most texts but she is the one who does the ringing.
So it's quite evenly balanced really.

I have a friend who literally only ever talks about herself. over a two year period I had a relationship, went on holiday and had to get a non molestation order and a restraining order against a guy. She knew nothing of it.

She is incredibly selfish and I won't hear off her for months when things are going welll for her but then non stop when she has a problem.

I can easily see why it wouldn't be mentioned.

I don’t know. The things my father and I used to learn about from my dear departed mum ... when she was recounting them to other people.

We’d say, “but why didnt you tell me/us that?!”, and the reply would always be “oh, thought I already had/didn’t think it was important/I’m telling you now“, etc, etc. 🤷‍♀️

Where are you that you can get houses for under £80,000? hmm

You could get at least 2 for that in Port Glasgow not that you’d want to. I saw a flat there going for O/O £5,000 in the not too distant past.

@iklboo

Bloody hell - even Skippy the Bush Kangaroo couldn't have made a leap like that

I've just been googling property in Middlesbrough. There are mansions costing a lot less than my 2 bed flat in London is worth.