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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend didn't tell me she moved ..aibu to be a bit annoyed?

126 replies

upupupandaways · 01/08/2019 10:03

Well maybe not annoyed but a bit baffled.
We've been friends for 20 years.
We text every day and chat on the phone 3x a week sometimes more.
It was her birthday yesterday and we were meeting for lunch,as a extra surprise I sent her a bouquet of flowers.
The company rang and said they couldn't be delivered as the person no longer lived there.
I called my friend and she said "oh yeah we've moved,2 months ago,I never had the time to tell you"
???? We speak every day.
She had been renting but has bought this house.
How do you not tell your friend you've bought a house?
I just find it odd.
She was looking at houses a few months ago and said it was just for fun and they weren't in a position to buy etc
So she's gone through the whole process of putting offers in etc etc
Not saying a word.
We used to tell each other everything

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 01/08/2019 10:43

That's really weird. Have you asked her why she never mentioned this?!

Yabbers · 01/08/2019 10:49

What did she say when you asked her about it at lunch?

hometownunicorn · 01/08/2019 10:52

I'd be very hurt. A similar thing happened to me, where an old (and I thought very close) friend moved to a different country without telling me - I knew it was planned but she didn't tell me when it happened and it was only when I tried to call that I found out. We've since lost touch as I was too hurt to really speak to her for a long time and now it feels too long to restart contact.

In your shoes I would do what I now wish I had done at the time and say that I'm really upset, check out why she hadn't told me, and then decide what to do from there.

NameChange84 · 01/08/2019 10:55

I’m moving soon and not telling everyone due to one abusive family member who’s had a history of making home feel unsafe and also due to a stalker who followed me to my previous home - we have friends in common who have in the past, fairly innocently, given him information that he’s then used to find me at hobbies, work places and to also stalk other family members. No doubt some of these friends will be offended that I won’t let them know where I’m living but I don’t care, my safety is more important.

If it’s not a safety issue, could it be that you are one of those people that is always “popping in”? Are you struggling to get on the property ladder and she’s being sensitive? It could be anything at all.

Isatis · 01/08/2019 10:59

very odd is she usually scatty and forgetful?

Who forgets something like buying a house and moving, no matter how scatty they are?

ambereeree · 01/08/2019 11:04

Maybe she doesn't want questions on how her financial situation. Are you rentingand struggling to buy?

HazelBite · 01/08/2019 11:05

Re the possibilty of a lottery win, a similar scenario occured with so-one I used to work with. Always "just managing" then out of the blue suddenly she had a mystery illness (it was well acted) and left her job, we were all concerned as we wondered how she was going to cope!

I used to do a Betterware round so imagine my surprise (and hers) when i called at this lovely swanky 4 bed detached hose and she answered the door. Her explanation that she had received an inheritance and decided to move and was much better.
She had distanced herself from a lot of her very old friends and many of them were unaware of her house move.
Added to that one of her daughters let it slip that her BIL (a dentist) was now a partner in a large local dental practice and had moved in 2 doors down from his Pils.

We all came to the conclusion that they had a large lottery win, brand new cars in driveway etc. and she was reluctant (understandable really) to let those around her know!

LegionOfDoom · 01/08/2019 11:10

Very strange but could be some kind of superstition? I know it sounds weird, but we’ve had a couple of friends of ours, over the years, who haven’t told us about a house move until they were already in. One couple told us after they’d been in and had the house ‘blessed’. It’s a thing, apparently. Some people honestly believe it will all go wrong if they tell anyone

theemmadilemma · 01/08/2019 11:15

That's completely weird.

Buying a house is one of the most stressful things you can do, surely you'd discuss that with your best friend you speak to daily?

AryaStarkWolf · 01/08/2019 11:20

how strange

ohcanada · 01/08/2019 11:21

When I read the title I thought 'hmm sounds familiar, not a true friend, bin them', but then after reading you speak every day I just thought how strange!!

You need to just ask her why she didn't mention it, the 'no time to tell you' think is a brush off. Maybe she worried you'd be jealous?? Had you been to her old house much?

What do you usually talk about on the phone?

TherapistInATabard · 01/08/2019 11:26

Another vote for lottery win!

TreeSunset · 01/08/2019 11:26

Either won the lottery and doesn’t want people to know or is hiding from someone and is worried it will be accidentally let slip. People are worried that people will be jealous so don’t tell people things.

ourkidmolly · 01/08/2019 11:31

Nowt so odd as folk.
That's extremely weird. Love the poster who blames you for nonstop chatter! The victim blaming never ends on this site.
I'd just text and directly ask her. I find it deceitful and very peculiar. She's not shacked up with your husband has she? Grin

SomeAfternoonDelight · 01/08/2019 11:32

Sounds like maybe her DP has paid or they’ve got the money from somewhere and she’s been too embarrassed/unsure how you might think of her to tell you? Just ask her if everything’s okay without judging

Original poster
upupupandaways · 01/08/2019 11:38

No domestic or anything.
She's only moved around the corner.
The house she bought is the one she showed me months ago and said she viewed it just to see what was out there.
We talk daily about all sorts,equal conversation.
I just find it so odd.
Like I would say "put a offer in"
Or "packing up this house is stressful"
Just normal things
She deffo hasn't won lottery
It's not a expensive house,under £80,000 (I know that's expensive but not lotto expensive )
She's just v secretive now.

OP posts:
mussolini9 · 01/08/2019 11:42

"oh yeah we've moved,2 months ago,I never had the time to tell you"

She speaks to you every day, but in all of those calls/meetings/texts was JUST TOO BUSY to let you know she had bought a house?

She is bullshitting you.
That's not the action of a friend.
She has either come into some big money she doesn't want anyone to know about, or ... hard as this may be to take on board ... she's Just Not That Into You.

Horrible situation for you OP, after 20 years of considering the woman a close friend. I would be asking her again how on earth there was no "time" to tell me such important news, & why she brushed off my perfectly reasonable surprise with a bullshit excuse.

minionsrule · 01/08/2019 11:47

We didn't tell anyone we were buying as FTB's until we had the mortgage offer in writing, just in case, not even DS, as dudn't want to tempt fate.
But once that was confirmed we told everyone (including DS who was sooooo excited).
Your friend is weird Confused

SaveKevin · 01/08/2019 11:48

I rent and I’d be like this about buying. Expecting it to go tits up at every turn.
Could it be that, and then once she’s not said she can’t say “by the way”

Original poster
upupupandaways · 01/08/2019 11:48

I just think she didn't want me to know her business.
She viewed the house to buy it not for fun.
I would be that excited I couldn't wait to tell her.

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 01/08/2019 11:54

This is so weird? But have you not asked her? It'd come out of my mouth immediately with my best mate? What and you didn't think to mention that, what the fuck?

SeaEagle21 · 01/08/2019 11:54

I think she's won the lottery, doesn't want anyone to know, and hasn't mastered the subtleties of covering up spending

This. Or she got a big inheritance and didn't want people to know .

Poppyfields21 · 01/08/2019 11:58

This is so strange

Original poster
upupupandaways · 01/08/2019 12:00

I said "ehhhh why didn't you mention it?"
She just said "that's why I've been busy,and we haven't had a proper chat for ages"
???????

OP posts:
iklboo · 01/08/2019 12:01

or like her DP is an illegal immigrant and could be deported if found out so they have a secret to keep?

Bloody hell - even Skippy the Bush Kangaroo couldn't have made a leap like that Grin

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