To not understand why DH is leaving so early for friends wedding reception?

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DH is off to an old friends wedding reception this evening. I was invited, as were our children, but I’m 35 weeks pregnant and our DC’s are only 2.5 and 1.5 so dragging them over to the next town at half 7 at night made little sense, as did me going and sitting there heavily pregnant unable to drink. So, DH is going alone - I’m totally okay with this as wouldn’t want him to miss out just because I’m pregnant - plus it also saves us a bit of money too with me not going.

Anyway, DH doesn’t have to be at the venue until 7:30pm. He’s planning on leaving home today at 1pm. He’ll need to take one train for just under 15 minutes, then a bus for 30 mins to get him to the hotel he’s booked in to. A cab from the hotel to the venue later on tonight will take no more than 15 minutes.
When I asked him why he’s leaving so early, he’s said ‘he wants to chill out before going to the reception’. Fair enough, I get that, it can sometimes take me 2 hours to properly sort myself out for a night out - especially if I’m having a few glasses of wine in between caking my face with make up - but does he really need to get to the hotel 5 HOURS before he even needs to leave for the venue!?

FWIW, tonight will be the fifth night away DH has had so far this year, so it's not as if he never has time away or never has fun, in comparison, I’ve had zero nights away since our first dc was born 2 and a half years ago.... so I guess I’m a bit at why he needs SO much chill out time today, when I’m the hugely pregnant one, stuck in with two DC’s under three every single day 🤷🏻‍♀️

AIBU to think he really doesn’t need to leave so early!? I’m fine with him attending the reception and staying in the hotel overnight, but leaving our house almost 7 hours before the reception starts almost feels like a bit of a pisstake when it’s me who’ll be left with the DC’s all afternoon while he just ‘chills out’ in a hotel before a fun evening out getting pissed, then staying overnight in a nice hotel!

(I’m aware I’m likely coming off as jealous. Truth to be told, I am! I wish I could be the one to sit in a hotel for hours then attend a wedding and get drunk, flop in to a hotel bed afterwards and not have to worry about getting up with the DC’s the following morning!!!!)

I'm a bit surprised he runs rings round you OP.

You actually sound perfectly able to stand your ground.

So months in advance this guy lies about how far away the venue is, lies about travel time, gets a hotel room for an overnight stay when his home is a 30-minute cab ride away, and then leaves 6 hours earlier than he needs to, to hot to this hotel and sit there alone. Yeah okay. Nothing suspicious there. I HOPE for the OP's sake that he is just a selfish lying arse. But I doubt that's the extent of it. This guy's a wrong'un.

Hi ladies.

It's taken a massive turn for the worse over here.

I got a weird vibe come over me whilst I was trying to nap that just said 'check his bags, check the suit' - maybe women's intuition, I've no idea what it was or where it come from.... but I checked.

In his suit jacket pocket, I found a mirror that he and I used to take cocaine off of when we were younger/pre kids. I wish I didn't have to admit that I used to sometimes take cocaine - I wasn't addicted, just a party thing and I've not touched anything in 4 years now. Anyhow, we vowed to not touch drugs when we became parents. Those days, for me, were over. I didn't want to risk my life once I became a mother, it just wasn't/isn't worth it, and I definitely could no longer afford or find the time for a party lifestyle!

Anyway. A week before he went on the stag do, a package arrived for him. I felt it, and googled the eBay account... it was a snuff bottle/bullet to put cocaine in. I went ape shit at him. Couldn't believe he was contemplating taking drugs on the stag do whereby the groom doesn't take drugs, neither did anyone else that was going. It transpired that he 'couldn't get hold of any anyway' so he threw away the plastic bullet/bottle. We had a massive argument and he wound up admitting he wasn't thinking properly, he was stupid, it won't happen again and he was sorry.

But it's turned out this afternoon that he managed to get drugs online this week to take with him to the reception last night. From fucking online!!!! When the envelope arrived in the mail earlier this week, I picked it up, handed it to him as he was in the bath and I asked him what it was, the fucker told me it was something for me!!!!!!!! He laid there in that bath and told his 35 week pregnant other half that the package in her hand was something for her. Little did I fucking know that it was his cocaine delivery.

I'm so fucking fuming I can't even process this situation properly. I've kicked him out. Told him I don't give a fuck where he goes.

The leaving early, the hotel etc all makes perfect fucking sense now. There was no other woman, there was no wanting to nap in peace, it was him wanting to sniff fucking shit in a hotel.

My god I can't explain my anger

Omg what a complete and utter wanker!
I have no words. What a piece of shit.

OP I know it's the last thing on your mind right now but do you have a birthing partner and someone in place to look after the children if you go into labour?

That selfish fuck isn't safe to be around his children.
He even accepted that he needed to look after the kids while it's still fresh in his system.

Blimey-sorry OP, what a twat.

I’ve never done cocaine so don’t know how it works! Would he have sat there on his own doing it all afternoon in his room, and then been ‘with it’ enough later to go to the wedding?

I thought it was more a party drug done with others?

So sorry OP

He says it was just one wrap, cost him £60. That would've seen him through a couple hours before the reception, maybe a couple 'bumps' while at the venue to keep the buzz going, then a few lines when he returned back to the hotel that night. It explains why he was online til 3 this morning. The fucking arsehole was buzzing off his chops.

And yeah, it is a party drug usually taken with others which I was I can't understand the sheer desperate lengths he went to source it, only to then sit there taking it himself, and then attend a wedding reception where I know for a fact that none of the guests/bridal party/grooms party would've been on drugs whatsoever.

Oh my fucking OP I'm so sorry this has happened. Good on you for kicking him out, stick to your guns. This is a massive betrayal. The hotel, the lies and now drugs.

Nevermind the drugs and the lying. You cannot trust anything this arsehole says and he's a shitty partner and crappy Dad. Sorry OP.

What a pathetic piece of shit he is.

You and your children would be better off without him.

I dont think he is being underhand or selfish. If I had the chance to chill out somewhere, I would take it. That doesnt mean you should accept it, and you can say that you would like him to be more hands on in the days leading up to the wedding so you can rest.

I’m changing my opinion of him.

Off-load the asshole, he’s got babies FFS!! What the hell is he playing at!?

Did you see the update Cheese?

Oh how awful. How truly awful for you. I do hope you have friends/family in RL who can come and support you. I'm sure loads of us here would if we could. Ugh, despicable.

I wonder if your spidey senses were tingling because actually this has been going on for a while?

Was wondering that too candycane

So ignore my previous message, as things have moved on.
Whilst I don't understand the taking of cocaine , its effects and its addictiveness, having someone under the influence would be dangerous for your DC.
You are angry now but you need to make decisions with a clear head.

So sorry OP. Please call a friend or family member for support.

Ugh

That’s shit of him. When one seemingly silly lie (the hotel is in the middle of nowhere) comes apart you find a load of other worse ones, that is often how these things go.

Well done for you finally putting your foot down, but i am so sorry about the timing. And - what is he thinking, buying drugs on the internet, wtf? If he gets a criminal record, would he lose his job? What an absolute prick

Omg OP. He had a Class A drug in the same house as toddlers? Children! Unbelievable

He's never going to be a dad to your kids. I'm so so so truly sorry. I've been there with one child and pregnant so I kinda get it (but not fully of course). If you'd like to PM me please do. I'm here for you xxx

I think he’s got the right idea, look on it as you have 5 nights away banked up, fairs fair

Bloody hell, I hadn’t read updates wtf

For Christ’s sake @allthegoodusernameshavegone we are over 500 posts in, things have moved on a bit from OPs DH having a few nights out. At least read the last post from OP.

It's the sheer fucking audacity that he looked me square in the face, as I stood there unknowingly holding his drugs, and tell me that it's a surprise gift for me. I just can't even contemplate that level of deceit right now.

I feel so fucking betrayed.