To not understand why DH is leaving so early for friends wedding reception?

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DH is off to an old friends wedding reception this evening. I was invited, as were our children, but I’m 35 weeks pregnant and our DC’s are only 2.5 and 1.5 so dragging them over to the next town at half 7 at night made little sense, as did me going and sitting there heavily pregnant unable to drink. So, DH is going alone - I’m totally okay with this as wouldn’t want him to miss out just because I’m pregnant - plus it also saves us a bit of money too with me not going.

Anyway, DH doesn’t have to be at the venue until 7:30pm. He’s planning on leaving home today at 1pm. He’ll need to take one train for just under 15 minutes, then a bus for 30 mins to get him to the hotel he’s booked in to. A cab from the hotel to the venue later on tonight will take no more than 15 minutes.
When I asked him why he’s leaving so early, he’s said ‘he wants to chill out before going to the reception’. Fair enough, I get that, it can sometimes take me 2 hours to properly sort myself out for a night out - especially if I’m having a few glasses of wine in between caking my face with make up - but does he really need to get to the hotel 5 HOURS before he even needs to leave for the venue!?

FWIW, tonight will be the fifth night away DH has had so far this year, so it's not as if he never has time away or never has fun, in comparison, I’ve had zero nights away since our first dc was born 2 and a half years ago.... so I guess I’m a bit at why he needs SO much chill out time today, when I’m the hugely pregnant one, stuck in with two DC’s under three every single day 🤷🏻‍♀️

AIBU to think he really doesn’t need to leave so early!? I’m fine with him attending the reception and staying in the hotel overnight, but leaving our house almost 7 hours before the reception starts almost feels like a bit of a pisstake when it’s me who’ll be left with the DC’s all afternoon while he just ‘chills out’ in a hotel before a fun evening out getting pissed, then staying overnight in a nice hotel!

(I’m aware I’m likely coming off as jealous. Truth to be told, I am! I wish I could be the one to sit in a hotel for hours then attend a wedding and get drunk, flop in to a hotel bed afterwards and not have to worry about getting up with the DC’s the following morning!!!!)

Can we reverse this, imagine a woman has these plans and her DH is on moaning she’s going away too early to a wedding, he’d get his arse handed to him.
If he’s as thoughtless as you claim why are you continuing having babies at a rate with him?

Your updates have made it clear that this is far from a one-off, and probably why you're feeling so resentful. (And I don't bloody blame you, one bit).

He gets to waft in and out as he choses; a nice weekend here with the lads, a nice afternoon there to chill out in a hotel... spending family money... while you stay at home, like the good little woman, looking after his kids and slowing stewing.

For god's sake stop accepting this as normal! He absolutely deserves to have a new hole ripped. Text him, this afternoon, and tell him to stay away for a few more days while you consider whether or not you want to continue with the marriage; seeing as you and the kids matter so little, he couldn't even do the washing up before he left to 'chill out'.

Stop being such a doormat and get bloody angry with him.

I assume he's staying in a hotel because he wants to get wasted and cba with coming home to his DC's and listening to them screaming the following morning while he has a hangover.

I was perfectly ok with the hotel back when I thought the venue was in the middle of nowhere and would take hours to get to/from. But upon discovering it's only a 30 minute drive, the hotel feels like a massive piss take that he really didn't need to do, especially given I am 35 weeks pregnant and have mentioned multiple times the last few weeks that I could realistically go in to labour at any point now.

I'm definitely annoyed at this situation. Still unsure by the mixed replies on here whether I'm BU in being mad about all of this, but hey ho!

Did he want 3 under 3s, which is what you'll have very soon?
Huh ?

Can we reverse this, imagine a woman has these plans and her DH is on moaning she’s going away too early to a wedding, he’d get his arse handed to him.

Give it some context. If you are going to compare then make things the same. Make the woman exactly the same as this DH. Then see the reaction.

Tbh I think you should all have gone to the wedding.

To an evening do with a 1.5 year old and a 2.5 year old?

He should have got a cab there and back if it's only 30 minutes away, that is a piss take with you being so pregnant and two other tiny children. Or at the very least left late afternoon/early evening and back early tomorrow.

I've got no problem with my DH having nights out/weekends away but I wouldn't have been happy with the scenario you describe. I also had weekends away when mine were little - I remember a hen do abroad when my twins were only 3, but it's the give and take your DH seems to be lacking and the discussion/honesty about it all.

Anyway he's gone now, there's no point in you festering and getting all cross about it - try and have a discussion when he's home over the weekend. What's he like usually with stuff round the house/kids stuff?

You need to be a lot more than annoyed. He's walking all over you and it's really not fair.

Bookworm You think a woman could act like this and not be absolutely crucified? I don’t know one mother who would behave this way, ever.

I genuinely feel sorry for you OP but why oh why did you and your DH decide to continue to have babies in quick succession when it is clear (from OP's posts) that your DH cannot be arsed to parent them?

He is emotionally blackmailing you by behaving like a stroppy, sulky teen when you try to bring up your feelings with him. He knows exactly what buttons he needs to press in order to make you back off. You need to hit that one on the head asap for your own sanity.

And please, while it is absolutely NONE of my business, think about how he is treating you and your children before deciding to have any more kids with him.

The minimum I would have demanded of my husband in this case would've been to clean the house and take the kids out for a couple of hours before swanning off to relax in a hotel room.
You really need to address this, he needs to cut back on social engagements with 2 small kids and another on the way. No one needs to attend a stag do for 4 days when their wife is pregnant and truggling. You can say no, he cannot go. I'm sick of women being made out to be controlling, they are his kids also!!

The husband wouldn't be pregnant bookworm and that's rather a significant part of this setup. The nearest you're going to get to a comparison is a lesbian couple where one of them is a couple of weeks off popping.

Ah, so he gaslights you to try to put the blame back on you and make you doubt yourself, and uses silent treatment to control what you are "allowed" to say. This isn't good. It looks like abuse to me, sorry.

Give it some context. If you are going to compare then make things the same. Make the woman exactly the same as this DH. Then see the reaction

Yeah agree, I don't like to generalise on sex but it seems far more common for fathers to skip off whenever they want without a thought for their offspring or who will be looking after them in their absence, especially when their wife is 35 weeks pregnant aswell, that is a tough time to be looking after two toddlers

Also do not under any circumstances have any more kids with him.

Just to be clear YANBU, especially after your updates.

Reason I said they all should have gone is that maybe they could have had some fun together (even though actually I think he's a wanker). Kids can sleep in corners at weddings.

Not literally in corners, but in buggies etc

@SinkGirl
Do you think mothers don’t go away without their DC and DH and make the most of it? Or do they only ever run out at the last minute?
Yes maybe he’s taking the piss but this whining is irritating, speak up, stand up for yourself, wandering through life blinkered doesn’t get you anywhere, if he’s like this routinely why would you keep popping out babies? I’m sure OP has had a previous indication of his behaviour.

I don't even see the need for a hotel in the first place? Why can't he get a cab home...surely that's cheaper than a hotel room?

This whole "going to a Travelodge by yourself" thing is bizarre advice. Do people actually do that? I doubt it.

TheTitOfTheIceberg has it. It's not about tit-for-tat "alone time". It's about him checking out of family life.

This definitely reinforces my childfree status! Why the fuck do people put themselves through this!

It blows my mind how often people describe 'sulking' partners on here. What percentage of adults actually think behaviours like sulking and storming off have any place in a respectful relationship between adults?

He's pathetic to sulk when his wife tries to express her feelings to him. Disagree, share your own feelings, counter point, or whatever. But who the fuck over the age of 16 actually thinks sulking is productive, healthy or helpful?

@Skittlenommer I'm childfree by choice too, but come on, the OP can't exactly send hers back!

It is fairly uncommon to have 3 under 3, tbf. The clear majority of mothers in the UK have 1 or 2 children, and those with more may spread them out.

Skittle, I get it. You're child-free and loving life and think my life with children is awful. Fine, whatever that's your opinion, but quite what you're trying to achieve by telling me how shit having kids sounds to you, I just don't know!