Dh and lunches - aibu

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

I think I probably am being unreasonable, however dh and I are on a bit of a mission to make some savings to our everyday outgoings.

I wfh so just make lunch from whatever’s in the fridge and I suggested the rather than him spending £8 a day on food, that I instead make dh sandwiches or similar.

The £8 is croissant/coffee and then a meal deal lunch so it’s not like he’s going for a slap up warm dinner so can’t see why he won’t agree to something that’s likely to be nicer!

I checked if it’s an “office culture” thing, but no, most of his colleagues bring lunch. So it’s literally just his aversion to brining it in.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal - am I being unreasonable to think this is an easy change.

(I will point out though that there are things I refuse to budge on too - decent quality wine, certain treats for the dog etc). So aibu?

Pot. Kettle. Black.

Ditch dog treats and pricey wine

(I will point out though that there are things I refuse to budge on too - decent quality wine, certain treats for the dog etc). So aibu?

On this basis, YABU.

You both need to make sacrifices.

Maybe you can both agree that the dog treats stay, as a compromise?

Maybe he could buy lunch and coffee one day a week?

I'm not sure a meal deal chicken sandwich counts as a high quality treat, tbf.

I batch cook packed lunches to take to work. I buy reduced to clear products when possible and make lunch boxes. The last batch was £1.20 for each box of Quorn korma and green beans. It’s possible to make cheap healthy interesting alternatives to sandwiches in not very much time. You have to be a planner though to make it work.

OP haven’t read the full thread but it’s more environmentally sound to bring a pack lunch in reusable containers as it’s obviously much less packaging. And much better for you as croissants and meal deal sandwiches are full of preservatives, salt and sugar.

Agree with PPs that you should agree on a budget each for personal spending, and he can buy food out of his one, should he wish to do so.

I wouldn’t want to be making another adult’s packed lunch.

Doubt OP’s dog treats and wine (presumably shared with her H but even if not) cost £40 week.

Ask him what exactly the point is at all in trying to save money if he's going to pig his way through £160 of supermarket lunch food every month?

I was with you until I got to the expensive wine and dog treats. YABU.

I was definitely going to say YANBU but then you completely lost all validity in the closing sentence when you said you refused to stop buying certain food for the dog. You are both unreasonable.

Does he access to a fridge at work? I've worked places ranging from no fridge, to a tiny fridge between 30 of us, and one where lunch used to go missing quite frequently; the only option was to have a warm packed lunch which is usually not that appealing. If you don't have anything specific you are concerned about money wise, can he not have his lunches and you have your wine?

I wfh now but in my many many office years “needing” to go out and buy lunch was often the only excuse I had to leave my desk. Pressures were such that a packed lunch would be eaten while working. By needing to buy something you weee able to justify getting outside for a ten minute walk and fresh air.

I was going to say YANBU until you stated you wouldn't shift on other things. Can't have it all one way.

does like my occasional luxury salads

What on earth is a "luxury salad"?!!!!

The dog has a dicky tummy.

£600 a year is a big deal in the scheme of things.

It does not take much to pack a decent lunch. They must have coffee facilities at work, he can take a croissant in to heat up in a the possible microwave in the break room, lunch does not have to be sarnies, there's a lot of things designed to be taken in for lunch, but I would rather have a couple of cheese rolls than a lot of the other options.

Work out what else you/he could spend that money on, it is £40 A WEEK, that is a jolly decent meal out each month with plenty of money left over.

Maybe you should agree to go down a grade for wine, you might be surprised at how nice it can be, in return for him taking pack-ups?

What on earth is a "luxury salad"?!!!!

Anyone else getting an image of Hyancith Bucket?

But cheap wine is undrinkable whereas home made sandwiches/salads are actually nicer, so it's not really the same thing. And presumably he either shares the wine or buys alcohol of his choosing too.

Yanbu except for the wine and dog treats-however wine doesn’t have to be expensive to be good. Check out audi/Lidl - they have both won international prizes for their very reasonably priced wines. My Labrador adds that the same logic applies to dog treats 🐾

I don’t think YABU.
However, when you say expensive wine... how expensive are you talking and how often?? If you’re having a bottle of £8 wine a night, or 3 bottles of £15 wine a week then that’s not fair.

How about a compromise?? He can spend the same per week on lunch that you spend on wine? If he only took lunch 2 or 3 times a week it’s something..

I can't stand packed lunches. I loathe them with a passion and none of the examples given by excited posters on here about their amazing packed lunches has convinced me otherwise. I find them tedious. By the time I've prepared and packed the food, I'm already bored with it. I definitely have no interest in eating it later (or God forbid, the next day). And the same food 2 days in a row? No, just no.

I can understand doing it when money's tight and cost savings are needed but when you're on a good income and have the money available it's not a sacrifice I'd be willing to make. And if my other half told me I had to take a packed lunch to work just "because", I'd tell them where to shove their packed lunch...with very detailed instructions about the shoving.

In my years of working in offices, it's been very rare to see anyone eating a packed lunch. Almost everyone buys food, either at staff restaurants or to bring back and eat at their desk, or they eat out in actual cafes/restaurants. Most places don't even provide fridges (or at best, there's one fridge for a huge floor of people). It's just not the norm in my industry (Financial Services).

Whilst there are many on this thread professing how shocked they are that the OP's DH spends an 'outrageous' £8 a day on coffee, breakfast and lunch (combined), I know plenty of people who easily spend £20 a day on coffee alone. That doesn't include breakfast or lunch. I realise that may blow some MN minds but surely some of you are married to these £20 coffee people?

I go "work shopping" during one lunch break a week. I buy multipack crisps and cereal bars, pack of fruit & tea (we have to buy our own ;'-(). I also get some cous cous, pasta/noodle type things, as there are some fairly good ones now. If I want a treat I can get a pastry thing without worrying about it sustaining me. I eat pretty continuously at work and I'm not alone.

Tried to switch my DH, who is a very picky eater, to home made lunches a while ago. No success, we ended up paying double (prepped food + bought lunch).

He is very sensitive when it comes to the taste, smell and texture of food, packed lunch just didn't work for him. Soup was the exception to this but even then he gets fresh bread on the way to work.

So yeah, if he can stomach packed lunches, YANBU. If he can't, YABU.

Saving for the sake of saving is just so fucking joyless, though. (And, unless you are on a high salary, it's pointless, because you are unlikely to save much even if you deny yourself anything but value brands - all you do is make daily life more miserable.)

Getting out for a walk and choosing lunch is one of the things that makes up for commenting/working/perils of open plan etc etc. But, when my outgoings increased I just bought a small cafetière and pkts coffee instead of a daily cappuccino from costa, toasted crumpets etc in the work kitchen and bought multipacks of Diet Coke in the supermarket at lunchtime & kept them in the fridge. Then, when I bought a sandwich, I was just buying the sandwich. Not the coffee/danish en route to work plus a meal deal at lunchtime

• it more than halved my spending over time.