Dh and lunches - aibu

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

I think I probably am being unreasonable, however dh and I are on a bit of a mission to make some savings to our everyday outgoings.

I wfh so just make lunch from whatever’s in the fridge and I suggested the rather than him spending £8 a day on food, that I instead make dh sandwiches or similar.

The £8 is croissant/coffee and then a meal deal lunch so it’s not like he’s going for a slap up warm dinner so can’t see why he won’t agree to something that’s likely to be nicer!

I checked if it’s an “office culture” thing, but no, most of his colleagues bring lunch. So it’s literally just his aversion to brining it in.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal - am I being unreasonable to think this is an easy change.

(I will point out though that there are things I refuse to budge on too - decent quality wine, certain treats for the dog etc). So aibu?

If you won’t cut back then why should he?
Maybe compromise. Have less expensive wine and he has the odd packed lunch

Google Martin Lewis demotorvator.

This is £90,000 over a working life! £2000 a year.

Based on a £30k income he us working 5.2 weeks a year just for the sake of not taking a pack lunch.

Sorry I probably wasn’t that clear in my first post- there are obviously items that both of us have agreed to cut back on - for example for me - different toiletry/shampoo brands, for him say a cheaper brand of chosen shirts for work, and lots together - home made instead of takeaways, getting rid of one of the tv services etc.

I think maybe that it’s more that, to me, a home made lunch is actually so much nicer than a Sainsbury’s meal deal anyway but do take on board the comments about it being a way to get out of the office - I used to do this myself.

I actually prefer shop bought sandwiches - lots of variety compared with having to keep loads of different ingredients at home and having to eat the same things two days on the trot to use them up.

Maybe try and cut out the coffee and cossiont first? So buy a multipack for him to take one each day and then he can have coffee at work. Would save a bit at least?

So you think having good wine and certain dog treats (expensive?) is fair then?

Does he like your cooking/sandwiches? Maybe ask him to try taking lunch every other day to start with

Unless you are thoughtful with making sandwiches bought ones are 100 x nicer

I disagree. Most shop bought stuff is woeful, especially if you eat it straight away at fridge temperature. Tasteless and just bleugh. Punishment for not taking in nice home made food in my experience.

Everyone seems to be working on the idea that you'll save £40 a week. Obviously you won't. Food costs money, even when it's made at home. I nice packed lunch and a soft drink doesn't come free. Also it sounds like he needs a packed breakfast/snack too.

Maybe you'll save £20, which of course is good. But be realistic here.

Working 48 weeks that is £1920. Tell him you have won that on a scratch card and intend to blow it on something silly for yourself like four pairs of Jimmy Choos. Wait to hear his indignation let him waffle on for a day or so.

Then work out how much you are spending on wine annually.

Will let you off the dog.

YANBU. Maybe you could compromise that on a Friday, he can buy himself lunch but rest of the time he takes a packed lunch? Hasn't got to be sandwiches.
Can be:
Pasta salad
Quiche
Homemade sausage rolls
Scotch eggs
Wraps
Pasty
Soup or chilli
Leftovers

Plus some nice extras such as tomatoes, crisps, cake or biscuits, fruit, depending on his preferences, obviously.

@Cwtches123 we aren’t saving for anything in particular but I’m feeling that our day to day spending is getting a bit out of control - to be fair we earn well, but have high outgoings.

I think maybe setting a goal to buy something - say a holiday or a piece of furniture or similar may focus us better (and then hopefully the habits will stick).

This reminded me of my mum and dad. She used to make him salads for lunch and then she called to speak to him once and his colleague said "oh, he's just popped out to get chips to have with his salad..... wait, I wasn't meant to tell you that". It was very funny.

I was about to point out what saraclara said about the maths. Add in bank holidays and annual leave and you're looking at even less of an annual saving. TBH if an extra £20 a week made my working life more bearable I'd happily pay it.

I instead make dh sandwiches or similar.

Why do you have to make him lunch in order for him to agree?

@Dotty1970 yes I just enjoy Sancerre with my duck strips
As an aside the dog treats are more because the dogs tummy is pretty ropey so it’s either the nice treats or no treats.

The wine over the month is a lot less than the lunches and it’s more a “nice bottle” on payday as opposed to all the time.

YABU

Meh you have your things that you won’t compromise on, even the dog has his treats, so let your DH have his shop bought lunch. I don’t like taking my lunch either, I like getting out of the office and choosing whatever I feel like. If he’s sticking with the budget in other areas and this is his one thing then I would suggest you let it go.

£160 on one adults lunch is more than some people's food budget for multiple people.

He's being ridiculous really.
No one I've worked with goes out and spends that every day - on a Friday as a treat, maybe, or as a reward for e.g. going to the lunchtime yoga or something.. but not every day.

Most people can't afford it.
How would you cope financially if you wanted to spend £160 on yourself every month, would be think that was doable..?

I'm surprised you're having to convince him tbh, is he really on the money saving drive with you - or against you?

Are you my sister? Seriously my sister complains my bil does this and spends 180 per month on lunch and coffees. She and kids take packed lunches even when if is snowing. If he has access to microwave cook more and send him in somethinb he can heat up. Buy him some croissants and a jar of coffee to take in. Agree to buy lunch on Fridays. Insist money saved goes to holiday fund or something nice to share. My bil is very selfish and refuses to stop. They struggle to make ends meet and if something like washing machine breaks have no spare money to fix or replace. I would not put up with it but my sister does.

Good points about the savings not equating to that much once buying the extra food comes into it. I think I had it in my head that it’s a complete saving and I’d just make him whatever I do for myself but it wouldn’t really work like that...

I’ll maybe leave him to his Sainsbury’s meal deals then

I've had an almost identical discussion argument with DH. I've always taken a lunch from home (school, uni and work!) and it's just normal to me. He has always bought lunch, right back to his school days. To me it seems such a waste of money. I take homemade soup/sandwich/salad, some fruit, maybe a yogurt, and drink water from the fountain all day. Costs about £2. He regularly bought a breakfast sandwich on his way to work plus buys lunch/drink/snack, for close to £10 a day.

We had to go on a tighter budget when DS came along - suddenly he saw the benefit of bringing his own (food shop comes out the joint account!) vs spending £40-50 a week

I'd agree a budget each for the month for extra stuff. If he chooses to spend his on sandwiches then that's up to him. If he decides there are other things he'd rather have then he can make his own sandwiches.

We did the same (for both of us): cut out a drink/sandwich/chocolate deal at £6 each, and found we saved about £2500 in the course of a year. Enough for a really nice holiday. It takes so little time to make a simple sandwich too.

Treats for DH far more important than treats for a dog, OP.

Im sure op isn’t spend £8 a day on dog treats though