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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh and lunches - aibu

251 replies

MyKingdomForACaramel · 31/07/2019 13:23

I think I probably am being unreasonable, however dh and I are on a bit of a mission to make some savings to our everyday outgoings.

I wfh so just make lunch from whatever’s in the fridge and I suggested the rather than him spending £8 a day on food, that I instead make dh sandwiches or similar.

The £8 is croissant/coffee and then a meal deal lunch so it’s not like he’s going for a slap up warm dinner so can’t see why he won’t agree to something that’s likely to be nicer!

I checked if it’s an “office culture” thing, but no, most of his colleagues bring lunch. So it’s literally just his aversion to brining it in.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal - am I being unreasonable to think this is an easy change.

(I will point out though that there are things I refuse to budge on too - decent quality wine, certain treats for the dog etc). So aibu?

OP posts:

Brain06626 · 01/08/2019 01:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Benjispruce · 01/08/2019 08:32

What did we all do before coffee shops? Walk around with purses bulging with unspent cash I reckon

Pinkblanket · 01/08/2019 08:42

I take a packed lunch every day, but frankly some of these packed lunch ideas here are absolutely revolting! And unhealthy crap.

TwistyTop · 01/08/2019 08:49

Ask him to do it just for a couple of weeks and instead transfer £8 a day into a savings acct. That will hopefully help him see how much money it will save in the long run.

But you also need to make cut backs as well. It's not fair to ask him to tighten his belt if you aren't doing the same.

Benjispruce · 01/08/2019 08:51

I’d be more concerned about his health if he’s having a croissant a day!

reluctantbrit · 01/08/2019 08:56

While I eat in the office (kitchen with seating, not my desk) I do like to go out and just clear my head. If I would bring food in I would hardly ever leave the building unless I need to do some other shopping but that's not each day.

I would tackle the coffee/croissant bit tbh. I started taking drinks/snacks with me instead of buying them, that saves a lot of money. I still can't find a replacement for my morning cappuchino as I don't want/can't have a proper machine at home so I cut down to every other day, I don't drink normal coffee so I have tea the rest of the day.

He could either buy mulitpack croissants or makes cereals in the office, something around 50% of my colleagues do.

JustDanceAddict · 01/08/2019 08:59

I leave dh to sort his lunch. He runs his own business, he works near shops so he’ll get a sandwich, go to a cheap cafe or occasionally microwave something w a colleague to share. He doesn’t go mad w coffees or pastries (if anything I would ask him to take his own coffee in a coffee cup and buy pack of croissants). Maybe he likes to walk out at lunch? Stretch his legs? Less likely to do that if he takes packed lunch.

formerbabe · 01/08/2019 09:01

My oh takes in lunch every day to work.
He doesn't really like sandwiches so I usually make extra dinner so he has leftovers to take.
I also sometimes make tuna pasta salad or chicken drumsticks with potato salad

formerbabe · 01/08/2019 09:05

I’d be more concerned about his health if he’s having a croissant a day!

Bit of an over reaction.

My DC each have a croissant for breakfast every day. They seem to be fine.

sashh · 01/08/2019 09:12

It doesn't have to be all or nothing OP he could have one packed lunch a week or do alternate days.

IncrediblySadToo · 01/08/2019 09:17

Why not buy big litre fizzy drinks and just refill a 500ml or 2 to take to work?

Because it’s not 1977.

IncrediblySadToo · 01/08/2019 09:25

I see you e spoken to him again and —beaten him down—reached a compromise

He’s an adult, that works full time and earns a good wage. You’re not struggling to make ends meet or even saving fir donethingnin particular, you just think you should cut back (well actually that he should cut back)

I would object to that too. Having someone dictate what I can buy when I work full time in a giid wage would really puss me right off

It’s one thing to choose to do it yourself if you want to save towards something (of your own or shared) but quite another simply because the other half thinks you should cut back

Also the logic baffles me - he should forgo something he enjoys daily so that he can spend it all in one go on something he enjoys (holiday)

It would be totally different if you were struggling to pay the bills or even if you’d sgreeed to save really hard for something in particular (like a epidural on a house) but you’re not

Ponoka7 · 01/08/2019 09:55

I've just used that spending calculator and i could save £4k a year by cutting out things that really are a waste, taxis and unhealthy food (I'm trying to lose weight).

I'd priced up a holiday, for next year with a view to taking my Grandchildren, (my DD is short on money) and that would pay for it.

It's easier to give up things if there's a point to it.

There should be a bit of joy in your life though. It's about finding a good enough trade off.

Brefugee · 01/08/2019 10:07

why don't you both agree to a lunch/treats budget? then if he can make it last for all his lunches, no problem, and you still have wine?

I have worked in offices pretty much forever and there is usually a definite divide where the women bring lunch and the men don't. (and in the breakroom often sigh and huff and puff that our food looks nicer…)

IrmaFayLear · 01/08/2019 10:12

I think - unless you really need to - constantly saving money on food is depressing. Obviously a profligate lunch every day is silly, but day after day of two tomato sandwiches or leftover pasta...

It's like meal planners. They become very intense and agitated if people go off piste. Sometimes you just don't want chilli again on a Thursday or you suddenly don't fancy knowing that in two weeks' time it's going to be tuna pasta bake.

I've seen posters on here thoroughly thrown - enough to post about it angrily - if an extra person drops in for tea, or if someone wants to go out on a Tuesday and it's day three of the MN chicken .

Try a compromise. Breakfast taken in/lunch bought. Or three times a week lunch bought. But decreeing that someone must eat leftovers at their desk every day is bound to make someone feel that they are nowt but a workhorse with a master reducing the rations.

Brefugee · 01/08/2019 10:16

Actually - there is a much bigger issue. And that is the plastic waste that you get with shop-bought coffee, croissant and the meal deals...

Aragog · 01/08/2019 10:33

Dh always buys lunch. I've suggested packed lunch but he isn't interested. His main reasons is that it's an excuse to actual leave the office for some time, go for a walk and get lunch, sometimes is an excuse to meet up with a friend colleague for a coffee over lunch too, and also he has little will power and would eat it too early! I did suggest a time locked lunch bag for the latter.

But tbh I see his view. If he didn't have to go out for lunch he'd end up sat at his desk longer, and it's good for him to go and get a break.

I did a mix of packed lunch and buying, but I also have set lunch break so can't eat beforehand, and always get a decent break away from my desk too.

Fortunately we aren't in a position where we need to stop.

HorridHenrysNits · 01/08/2019 11:26

Good update OP. You can always tweak the cooking so you have leftovers too. Or even make a few things specifically.

If he likes chicken pasta salad, one of you make a big one that'll do you both, it keeps ok so you could do two days worth. With nice chicken, not the stringy stingy stuff you get in pre prepared shop sandwiches, and fresh veggies. Healthier and it'll be oodles cheaper too. I could understand it better if he were spending a lot on good quality food!

Original poster

MyKingdomForACaramel · 01/08/2019 14:21

@IncrediblySadToo erm I’m also an adult who earns a good wage and have also agreed on giving up/cutting back on things.

OP posts:

rookiemere · 01/08/2019 15:34

Tesco lunch deal for £3 seems pretty cheap to me - people always forget that food taken from home also has a cost and if I'm making lunch I like it to taste nice and costs at least £2 to make.

For the coffee- our office gave us these plastic mugs to stop waste from the cardboard cups and as they make the coffee taste so bad, I now bring my own in in a flask. Saves £2 a day ( minus cost of coffee from home , say 40p per serving)but also tastes better.

HorridHenrysNits · 01/08/2019 15:42

I've not had a tesco lunch deal in a while, but unless the quality and quantity of what's on offer has significantly improved lately, it may be a low price but it isn't cheap for what you get. The meat in this stuff is always low quality and minimal. OP says he likes chicken pasta, chicken sandwiches and salmon sandwiches. Salmon obviously is quite dear, but you can do more chicken pasta salad or chicken sandwiches for under £2 than you'll be getting in a meal deal. Better quality too.

ButterscupsRevenge · 01/08/2019 18:02

I'm in your club @Northernsoullover

pollymere · 01/08/2019 18:05

Recently on Eat Well for Less, they got this guy to make coffee in a reusable cup at home and have Waitrose cook from frozen croissants. They then told him how much he'd save. What he thought was weekly saving was daily saving. This could be an option maybe?

This could be a step in the right direction before suggesting he takes stuff in for lunch. Don't limit to sandwiches though. So many yummy options, especially if work has a microwave or kettle. Chinese noodles are great and very cheap.

Eldesperado7 · 01/08/2019 18:13

So the dog is allowed high quality treats but not your DH. Maybe as others have suggested compromise so takes packed lunch for 3 or 4 days of the week.

IABUQueen · 01/08/2019 18:35

Look up freezer lunches on YouTube. Me and DH sit on the weekend and make loads of these as lunches and freeze them and take 2 or 3 with us daily. Saves a lot of money and early morning hassle. Tastes great.

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