Dh and lunches - aibu

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

I think I probably am being unreasonable, however dh and I are on a bit of a mission to make some savings to our everyday outgoings.

I wfh so just make lunch from whatever’s in the fridge and I suggested the rather than him spending £8 a day on food, that I instead make dh sandwiches or similar.

The £8 is croissant/coffee and then a meal deal lunch so it’s not like he’s going for a slap up warm dinner so can’t see why he won’t agree to something that’s likely to be nicer!

I checked if it’s an “office culture” thing, but no, most of his colleagues bring lunch. So it’s literally just his aversion to brining it in.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal - am I being unreasonable to think this is an easy change.

(I will point out though that there are things I refuse to budge on too - decent quality wine, certain treats for the dog etc). So aibu?

Maybe he just wants to have an escape which is getting out and buying his lunch.

Suggest he takes his packed lunch to a nearby park or even sit in the car, he can still 'escape' he doesn't need to eat at his work.

He could still have his croissant/coffee but they are costly too.

It's easy.
Housekeeping money is kept separate from personal spending. You each have the same amount of personal money at the beginning of the financial month. Eg, DH and I each get £200 each.
If your DH chooses to spend his money on lunch that's up to him, if he is only left with £40 other spending money that's his lookout. The cost of lunches doesn't come out of the housekeeping money. We have £100 per week for 3 which covers food etc

Forgot to ask what is he buying for lunch, is it healthy?

And I bet if he has to pay for it out of "his own" money he'd soon find it less tempting to spend so much.
Such a significant spend shouldn't just be at the whim of 1 person because they are too lazy to get their own lunch. I would be very unhappy if DH was spending £160 a month in similar circs

But why can't you just cut your "fun" or personal spends by a certain amount each if you need to cut back? I may be being thick but if you just allocate a certain amount for pocket money type spends each (once the essential bills of are paid) then people can spend it on whatever they want.

So if you have (and ofc this will vary wildly between households) a fun money budget of £50/£100/£500/£2000 each per month, you can buy Chateau Lafite and he can buy Pret and there's no judging or arguing or resentment.

How is his health/weight OP? If they are an issue maybe you could use that proverbial carrot and stick. That you can provide healthier, less fattening but tastier "packing up" as we say up here!

YABU if you won't give up your luxuries too, but YANBU if you agree to budget as well.

Good points about the savings not equating to that much once buying the extra food comes into it.
Whoever suggested that, OP, is pulling your leg. There's no way I spend £40 per week on groceries for my packed meals

£8 a day seems rather excessive for lunch but there may be read one he buys it.

Is there somewhere to keep food in the office e.g. a clean fridge? Is there a microwave where leftovers can be warmed to avoid the same sandwhiches every day? If there isn't a fridge/microwave then taking lunch may be difficult.

Does he need to get out for some air, hence, going out to buy lunch? For some people, that's really important and although he could take his own lunch out, it may be awkward in front of colleagues. Maybe he could compromise by not having the coffee/croissant (taking his own instead)?

I generally take my own lunch partly due to costs and partly because I am particular about food but I can see why some may choose not to.

I used to buy lunch a lot because I don't really like cold food and I hate sandwiches, so I bought a bento box and started taking in proper meals that I could heat up at work. If he is eating his lunch early then he could pack a mid morning snack or take an extra sandwich

For example, we would pay

Housing (rent/mortgage)
Utilities like electric, gas, water
Council tax
Insurances
Grocery budget
Mobile phone bills
TV licence
The Extortionate Costs of DC
The Extortionate Costs of Cats
Agreed amount into savings
Petrol
Etc etc

Then have £20 per month each to play with for "treats". DH would save his money for three months and buy five pencils and I would buy two lipsticks on the 1st of each month and then wait impatiently for three weeks

I always chunter on on MN about the two rules of equal disposable income and equal leisure time in relationships. It's true though.

Yup. I would hate to justify my fun money spends to anyone.

Reading these comments is making me think that perhaps we really need to sit down and actually look at our spending. We don’t really have “allocated fun money” just more the joint billing account and then we just spend whatever. As I work for myself my income comes in a bit less “regularly” than dh - e.g I get large payments but may have to wait for them, so we share our cards, money etc as it will be a case of one of us having to pay for something at one pint then the other at another.

Great ideas here though - thank you

Housekeeping money is kept separate from personal spending. You each have the same amount of personal money at the beginning of the financial month. Eg, DH and I each get £200 each.

This for me too. In his shoes I'd either be taking decent coffee and a croissant with me, or buying that but making lunch to take, or buying ingredients that can quickly be transformed into lunch each day (couscous and veg, instant soup, whatever), or taking it in some days and buying it on others.

DH routinely takes lunch in, even though we are generally OK financially. He works in central London and got fed up of paying £10 or more daily for a poor quality hot meal. I now just make an extra portion of dinner; he takes that in the next day.

Or another option that I used to like was going to, say, M&S on the Monday and getting 3 of the 3 for £7 meals and keeping them in the work fridge.

@EssentialHummusi I used to do that - though it’s 3 for £10 now I think

I spend around £8 a day on food/coffee at work too.. sometimes more! Thankfully for me I'm only in the office 3 days a week. I don't like bringing my own food in either, I don't even like making meals at home, never mind extra ones for work

I think if it's not squeezing your budgets then it's fine really. If it is, then he needs to start taking it with him.

I buy lunch from the shop most days. Almost every day in fact.

It's the coffee and croissant that strike me as egregiously wasteful, tbh - the lunch meal deal will be what, £3.50?

If you're actually earning well and saving in other areas, it's a bit abstemious to pick away at everything. I would get a good coffee maker for home, a few syrups if that's what he likes, and some posh croissants. And suggest the shop one is his Monday treat.

I'm actually a huge saver, and my husband and I are both pretty thrifty. It's because we are that I can't get worked up about a lunch I can well afford!

YANBU what a waste of money!

Blimey,that's a lot of money for not much and it soon adds up.
Even my teenage son has figured out it is a lot if money each week to be spending so either he or DP make lunch the night before so he can eat something decent at lunch time at no cost!

I know someone who makes lunch for her husband every day. She also works. She also irons his clothes.

I love bringing my own food. So long as you have the right containers there is no sogginess. I sometimes just take an avocado, some rye bread and a few tomatoes and an apple. I assemble it at lunch time in the kitchen. Or I make a salad and take it in or take leftovers.

Poofacedpie, that's what we have, I buy pods when I fancy decent coffee at work.
I am lucky that (being emergency services in a 24/7 environment) we have a full kitchen with oven etc so it's easy for me to cook a proper meal at refs time but if you have a look on Pinterest you can find loads of ideas for lovely packups.
On earlies I take a breakfast of cold rice pudding made with alpro coconut drink, lime and some sweetener plus fresh fruit. Could he do something like that to help prevent the "Ive eaten my lunch at 9am" quandary

@placemats poor her! I do all the cooking (I enjoy it) haven’t touched an iron or Hoover in years, and don’t generally do any washing or putting away either.