Dh and lunches - aibu

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

I think I probably am being unreasonable, however dh and I are on a bit of a mission to make some savings to our everyday outgoings.

I wfh so just make lunch from whatever’s in the fridge and I suggested the rather than him spending £8 a day on food, that I instead make dh sandwiches or similar.

The £8 is croissant/coffee and then a meal deal lunch so it’s not like he’s going for a slap up warm dinner so can’t see why he won’t agree to something that’s likely to be nicer!

I checked if it’s an “office culture” thing, but no, most of his colleagues bring lunch. So it’s literally just his aversion to brining it in.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal - am I being unreasonable to think this is an easy change.

(I will point out though that there are things I refuse to budge on too - decent quality wine, certain treats for the dog etc). So aibu?

Oh and that saving does account for the money it costs to buy food. Rolls, marmite/houmous, an apple/banana, and a multipack of 10 chocolate bars don't come to much more than £6 between us for a week.

The thing is, he’s made choices to cut back and so have you. But you don’t need to cut back so why should you dictate what he cuts back on?

YABU to keep having treats for yourself while expecting him to economise. If you compromise on your wine and the dog treats then YWNBU

It's the croissant and coffee that busts the budget, not the meal deal lunch. Can he get a supermarket pastry to have with a work made coffee? Or even switching to buying filter coffee rather than espresso based gets the cost down.

@MrsTommyBanks as I said upthread there are plenty of “treats” that we have both agreed to ditch, I guess I was pointing out the “line in the sand” ones - but will perhaps rethink the wine. (The dog treats are staying though - they don’t cost that much - just aren’t “cheap” dog treats

@jay55 I agree. For a while I or he used t make frittata or like an omelette thing to take to work for breakfast I could get back into making those again, and then maybe he could take a cafetière to work

If he's getting a meal/deal lunch then that's only about £3?

Which means he's spending a fiver a day on a coffee and a croissant?

Could you compromise; he gets to keep his lunches but gives up the coffee and takes one in a re-usable mug instead (and has a croissant at home before leaving?)

Sorry, cross-post with @Jay55

Say you appreciate that he doesn't think this will work for him but would he consent to a 1 month experiment where is takes in a sandwich one day a week and brings in a croissant from home every day. He can still buy the coffee. In exchange, you will experiment with trying cheaper wine for 1 month. See how you both feel at the end of the month. No point sucking the joy out of life, after all.

Think it’s £3 meal deal plus a snack bar, then £4 for the coffee and croissant (London).

Wish you making mine....I normally grab an apple, banana and breakfast bar..😢

Loving the idea that sausage rolls constitute “a lovely lunch brought from home”.

@MyKingdomForACaramel I get the dog treats. My dog gets fed better than I do and has a treat selection that makes Pets at home look like an East Germany supermarket

Is there a reason you can't have an equal amount of "spends"/disposable income each month and spend it on whatever you want?

Then it doesn't matter if you think bought lunches are a waste of money or if he thinks you should drink cheaper wine. Own money, own choices, no judgement.

I always chunter on on MN about the two rules of equal disposable income and equal leisure time in relationships. It's true though. We have (a small amount) of "fun money" each month and DH saves to buy ridiculously expensive (to me) pencils, and I spend mine immediately on lipstick. We both think each other is bonkers but we don't argue about it

I buy lunch every day at work. There is a to die for deli near me and I have just had a gorgeous chicken, coriander and lime on sour dough baguette for lunch. No lunch I prepare comes close to it and I look forward to my lunch all day in work.

If I were him I’d rather compromise on lunch and have a decent coffee.

But it’s all moot - he doesn’t want or need to, so why bother him into it?

Treats for DH far more important than treats for a dog, OP.

Nope.

Thanks all - have given some great perspective- and I think I’ve been applying my feelings/preferences when thinking aboutit - for example I can see the appeal of a nice cafe made croissant over the one you get in pack, but not so much the shop bought sandwich - but that my preference not maybe dh’s.

I think as you are on a good income, and not saving for anything in particular, then YABabitU. You’ve agreed to some things you can agree to compromise on, so I maybe wouldn’t push this one (if anything I’d maybe swap the breakfast for a coffee from home and a pack of supermarket pastries). Enforced frugality can get very wearing.

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles
We do sort of pool our resources, but have separate accounts plus a joint one for bills. It’s not really a case of “you spent that, I’ll spend this” more just making more of a conscious effort to cut back as we just spend so much money on utter crap!

If he's London based is there a little Waitrose near work? They're great for a pastry and coffee breakfast and loads less than Starbucks/Costa.

YABU because you're not willing to give up some things yourself

YABU

Shop bought coffee and croissant, even at £4 (cheap for London ) help make working in London bearable.

Also if he were to move to taking lunch from home surely your DH would prefer to maintain his autonomy rather than have you make it for him.

@jay55 sadly not - it’s not the city so it’s a cafe and a Sainsbury’s and that’s it. Am now feeling completely unreasonable as am craving a croissant myself

@howabout he doesn’t mind giving up his autonomy in my cooking dinner every day. I wouldn’t dictate the bloody menu! But have taken on board the comments and will drop it