Bf slapped mentee’s bum

[Copperbeech44]

I’ve seen pictures of my bf’s end of term work do on face book. He is a deputy head. In one picture he seems to have one hand on the bum of a younger female NQT he is responsible for. He says he slapped her bum while dancing. The picture is on the dance floor. How would you react?

perhaps she liked the attention?

Jesus, what a shit comment. Doesn't matter whether she liked the attention or not - he's in a position of power and influence over her and her career. It's disgustingly inappropriate.

Can you talk to her at all? Get her version of events?

He is a sleazy letch with lax boundaries.

Putting himself at professional risk.

He will either listen to your concern, learn to respect you and behave professionally, or he won't - you will have to talk really seriously to him and gauge his reaction.

I would be asking him questions, and have a conversation, not just 'telling' him. I would ask him if he thinks women like being touched. I would ask him (neutrally, calmly) if he thinks it is OK for other men, your boss, perhaps, to slap your bum, put his hand there, or hold your hands. I would ask him if he thinks men and women generally have different expectations and boundaries. I would ask him if a boss or anyone with authority and influence over him has ever put their hand in an intimate place - and how would he react? I would ask him how he would feel if pictures of a man with his hand on your bum were all over social media.

This conversation might, of itself, wake him up to his behaviour, or it might tell you what you want to know.

Only you can decide what is the right threshold for you, and whether he is being honest about that threshold.

Can you talk to her at all? Get her version of events?

Have you thought that through? This is a junior member of staff and presumably young. Do you really think that, on top of inappropriate sexual attention from a superior, she really needs his partner interrogating her? The OP has no right to do that to her and frankly would be just as shit as her boyfriend if she did.

Massively unprofessional conduct - he's in a position of power and abused it to sexually harass a young, female colleague.

If she reports him - and she still could, accepting his 'apology' means nothing - the head will have no choice but to take him through disciplinary proceedings.

Wow your boyfriend is disgusting. He’s in a position of power/authority and is using that power to grope a young girl with no power in this situation. Disgusting.

Sounds to me like there could be more to their relationship than mentoring. It would have to be a very well timed photo to catch the exact moment he decided to touch her inappropriately...I'd be more inclined to think they are involved and he was touching her affectionately, not realising he was being caught on camera.

I think he sounds like a prick. I’d be furious. Not sure how I’d feel about being in a relationship with a man that would slap a women’s bottom

Your husband is a sleazy sex pest. That would be it for me - I couldn’t be married to someone so disrespectful to women (both you and the woman he harassed)

Course he’s worried. Worried that he’s going to get reported for sexual harassment. Worried that you’re going to dump him.

In the 1970’s, groping/slapping was considered by many to be one of those things that women just had to put up with in the workplace. But why the hell should we? It was never something that all men did, because there have always been men who are decent, respectful and know how to keep their hands to themselves even if they find a woman attractive.

Yours, sadly, is not one of them. Up to you if you’re prepared to tolerate that. I wouldn’t.

He should be sacked that’s completely inappropriate and classed as harassment. I feel sorry for the poor girl he felt he had the right to touch

Ick. Is it out of character for him? Do you have reason to believe that he acts that way frequently if you're not around to see it? This would raise all sorts of issues for me. Sorry.

“Can you talk to her at all? Get her version of events?”

What TooTrue said above, plus how humiliating would it be to ask a woman if her DH was telling the truth.

past/passed

I;v never heard such a lot of rubbish in my life you'r acting like this man is some kind of sex beast he slap a girls ass BIG DEAL

I hope she reports him. Men are gross

suzy you’re post made me LOL

I read this as "manatee's bum" and was envisaging some sort of sea-life centre situation...

Me too! I was a bit disappointed to be honest.

Suzy often pops up on threads with these types of opinions. I'm pretty sure she's at least 100. Well done on learning how to use the internet, suzy!

I would honestly leave my partner so fast over him having touched up a junior member of staff. I would be more upset and disturbed by that than consensual adult cheating. (Which would still be wrong as fuck on his part due to the power dynamic.) Go. Honestly. There is no "good" here.

I also first read it as manatee, glad I'm not the only one!!!! 😂 😂 😂 😂

two photos of him being inappropriate with women, One his mentee, which is sexual harassment.

You need a plan to walk away.

Are you much younger than him?

Manatee had this to say:

Urgh, thank God he's only a boyfriend. At best he's completely clueless and a creep; at worst they're more involved than he's letting on. Get rid.

I am a teacher. Puke puke puke, that is revolting and he would be in massive shit where I work.

perhaps she liked the attention? rapists mantra

Yes i'm sure she was just twerking away at him waiting for him to grope her

You only have to read a few of the threads on here of men who think women want these letches touching them and making sexual remarks that we really don't want that kind of attention.