Bf slapped mentee’s bum

[Copperbeech44]

I’ve seen pictures of my bf’s end of term work do on face book. He is a deputy head. In one picture he seems to have one hand on the bum of a younger female NQT he is responsible for. He says he slapped her bum while dancing. The picture is on the dance floor. How would you react?

The camera just happened to catch him at the precise instant he slapped her arse while dancing innocently? Yeah, right.

He's put himself at risk of disciplinary action and shown himself to lack the judgement that should be inherent in his role. You are right to be upset on this count alone let alone the disrespect he's shown towards both you and the NQT.

She is his mentor as I he is her mentor. He is responsible for managing and developing her

I've been a teacher for a million years and staff 'getting it on' is NOT the same as a senior member of staff slapping an NQTs bottom.

I was a very young NQT once and had wonderful staff around me who supported me. This would have been horrendous and I would not have known what to do. Now, I would report him like a shot and I hope she does.

But FB didn't exist when I was an NQT. If that pic is on social media I'd be gobsmacked if the Head didn't know about it. He needs to get in contact with the Head and mitigate this as much as possible, which does NOT mean making crappy excuses but does mean acknowledging responsibility, apologising formally and volunteering to go on training. Unless he's an actual permanent sleazeball in which case he should get the hell out of the teaching profession.

Mentee - someone being supervised by a mentor

A mentee is the subject of a mentor. He mentors her, she is his mentee.

Like employer/employee.

Ahhh thanks Cathy , I'm a TA and have never heard that term used.

Aye, let's blame the victim. It couldn't possibly be that he was indulging his male sense of entitlement and sexually assaulting a junior member of staff over whom he has significant power. No, that never happens. It's always women teasing and tempting their vulnerable male colleagues because, you know, most women just love being groped up at a works do.

Yup, this was my thoughts exactly. If my DH slapped another woman's bum I'd most likely leave him. I'm not joking. I would think he's a sleazy creep with a roving eye. You say he's your boyfriend OP so I'm assuming this is a relatively new relationship? Do you live together/have children? If not then no doubt you should get rid of this one. YANBU

@VanGoghsDog oh, I reckon they would have given it a go!

OP, I feel quite sorry for the NQT who may not have encouraged it and has been sleazed on. Course, she may have encouraged it, we just don’t know. However, I would be upset and annoyed also. He needs to apologise to you as well. Where you go from here though I don’t know. He’s shown what he’s like- if you didn’t see the evidence you wouldn’t know it happened so is this how he behaves all the time?

Sorry that autocorrected wrong. He is the mentor. She is the mentee

@Benjispruce mentor and mentee as in trainer and trainee. He is supposed to be teaching her.

Well, I think that was a very silly action on his part. Unprofessional and inappropriate. Was he blind drunk? Even so, I wouldn't be impressed. Who has posted the photo on Facebook? Parents of pupils could see it.

Do women really encourage colleagues to slap their arse while they are dancing? Even if they have a flirty relationship (not appropriate in this case) I don’t think that is on.

Sorry xpost - what Cathy said!

We have lived together 3 years. No children

Did he tell you about it before the pictures emerged?

Does he seem actually sorry?

Is he aware of how this looks, given he is deputy head and he is her mentor? He has sexually harassed someone who is junior to him, from a position of authority, and there is now evidence of it on Facebook for students/parents/future employers/anyone to see.

All these people saying this is 'normal' in schools, nope it's not normal in many schools. He SHOULD be facing a disciplinary and I would not expect it to go well. That poor NQT. It's rubbish enough being newly qualified without throwing sexual harassment into the mix.

No he didn’t tell me before the picture. But he had already apologised. He seems sorry and worried

If that's what he feels comfortable to go in public, what the hell goes on when nobody is around?

I’d think he was at best creepy as fuck and at best an opportunist looking out for a ‘something extra’.

I would also think, how may times has he done this before and how the hell did someone with so little professionalism and moral judgement be in such a position of trust?

It’s only a matter of time before someone reports his arse and all his other creepy shit comes to the surface.

To do*

Never ok to touch your work colleague's bum, outside of some clearly defined and consensual situations such as learning how to do patdown searches, or practising certain medical or beauty therapy procedures on one another.

I cannot think of any situation where slapping a colleague's arse is ok, apart from if you were both actors and it was in a script.

Worried he got caught OP.

Whose Facebook is it on?

I just don’t understand it. I don’t know why he would do something like that. It’s like he is trying to sabotage himself, his job, his relationship everything. I live in his home. I can’t ask him to leave while I think about things. I’m a bit stuck for somewhere to go myself. I would like a few days apart to think

He apologised because he knows he could land in hot water. Unfortunately for him now the world knows. He should be worried. Whoever posted that pic to Facebook must be grinning from ear to ear. You really shouldn't stay with him - he's a sleaze.