Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf slapped mentee’s bum

129 replies

Copperbeech44 · 31/07/2019 08:51

I’ve seen pictures of my bf’s end of term work do on face book. He is a deputy head. In one picture he seems to have one hand on the bum of a younger female NQT he is responsible for. He says he slapped her bum while dancing. The picture is on the dance floor. How would you react?

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 31/07/2019 09:15

He says he apologised to her later and she accepted his apology. I don’t think it’s something she encouraged

I didn't think you could make this any worse; but he managed it. Eurgh.

I wouldn't be upset; it'd be over.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/07/2019 09:18

He said he's apologised to her. Has he apologised to YOU?

I think he's an idiot. He's putting himself at risk of a disciplinary and he also sounds like a bit of a sleeze. Does he have form for this or is it a one-off?

Shoxfordian · 31/07/2019 09:19

I'd dump him if I were you
It's totally out of order

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 31/07/2019 09:20

I’d go nuclear. Wrong on so many levels, disrespectful to you and her and if possible even worse given the job he does. Has he no sense?

Original poster
Copperbeech44 · 31/07/2019 09:26

I think it’s a one off. At least as far as I know, it’s a one off

OP posts:
ManderlyAgain · 31/07/2019 09:26

What is it about schools? I worked in one and staff shagging was rife. Teachers and support staff, even the Head was at it. Grim. The stationary cupboard and science room cupboard were favourites Confused

IvanaPee · 31/07/2019 09:28

Jesus! He should be sacked.

Notajogger · 31/07/2019 09:31

It may be a one off but still gross and sexual harassment - and utterly disrespectful to you too of course!

I couldn't trust or respect him after this if I were you.

Idontwanttotalk · 31/07/2019 09:32

Whether he slapped her bottom and she later accepted his apology or whether he was just groping her whilst dancing, either scenario isn't good.

How do you know they aren't just into each other and were enjoying spending time together at the works do as it looks like he just has his hand on her bottom?

You may have caught him out and he is using slapping her bottom as an excuse.

Mammyloveswine · 31/07/2019 09:33

He's a creep and this is totally inappropriate. He needs the photo taken down and owes the nqt a huge apology.

I work in a school and my head is very strict about this sort of thing, particularly photos on Facebook too!

We have regular staff meetings about our professional conduct in real life and online.

SkydivingKittyCat · 31/07/2019 09:34

I misread this as manatee. Disappointed.

As you were ...

autumndreaming · 31/07/2019 09:35

I think it's disgusting and a creepy thing to do. The NQT is probably completely creeped out by him now. She would be within her rights to make a complaint.

To be honest the entitlement of it would turn me completely off him

VanGoghsDog · 31/07/2019 09:36

The stationary cupboard and science room cupboard were favourites

Well, you wouldn't want to do it in a cupboard that was moving....

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2019 09:39

Oh cmon, if he had his hand on her arse in a pic, he was feeling her up. Busted. You can't seriously believe that it was a slap. You know the photo would not show as it did if it was. His hand needs to have been actually on her arse. As in resting there.

Idontwanttotalk · 31/07/2019 09:40

So many people just assuming he is telling the truth about the situation.

IsobelRae23 · 31/07/2019 09:46

You believe his excuse? Do you also believe in unicorns and fairies?

I am also gutted there was no manatee on the thread.

PooWillyBumBum · 31/07/2019 09:46

Awful for you, awful for the poor mentee. Can you imagine being put into that position at work? What a sleazy bastard. I would be reconsidering the relationship if he thinks it's okay to touch women without permission.

TooTrueToBeGood · 31/07/2019 09:47

perhaps she liked the attention?

Aye, let's blame the victim. It couldn't possibly be that he was indulging his male sense of entitlement and sexually assaulting a junior member of staff over whom he has significant power. No, that never happens. It's always women teasing and tempting their vulnerable male colleagues because, you know, most women just love being groped up at a works do.

thecatsthecats · 31/07/2019 09:47

I think it’s a one off. At least as far as I know, it’s a one off

Right, so his very first foray into bum groping/slapping/whatever, was:

  • in public
  • with a junior member of staff
  • caught on camera

A good guide for knowing if someone is telling the truth:

  • is it likely?
  • is it convenient?

Is someone likely to suddenly acquire a uncontrollable taste for bum slapping a colleague? Or is it not more likely that he thinks this is a cool way to flirt with women and has done it plenty of times before?

Is it convenient that this apparent, lone, one off event just so happened to be caught on camera? Not only that, but the camera caught it at the very moment it looked like a grope even though he claimed it was a slap?

Bullshit. He's trying to get away with what he thinks is the minimum in the circumstances. He's a lying creep (with shtty job prospects if this is how he behaves).

starfishcoffee · 31/07/2019 09:47

I'd be pissed for the following reasons:

  1. Totally inappropriate work behaviour.
  2. Totally inappropriate to touch another woman's ass when you're in a (I'm assuming) committed relationship.

It would really damage my trust.

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 31/07/2019 09:50

Of course it’s not ok. The fact you’re asking if you’re overreacting makes me assume that he’s telling you that you need to get over it already, or that it’s no big deal, or both.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2019 09:50

Of course he wasn't slapping her arse. It's beyond bonkers anyone would believe that. His hand needs to have been resting on her arse for it to have shown that way in the photo.

If his had was on her arse on the photo, then that's exactly what was happening, he had his hand resting on her arse. No two ways about it. No ifs, maybes, or, pardon the pun, buts.

He's cheating or trying to cheat with her. Likely cheating if he's publicly comfortable in resting his hand on her bum.

Benjispruce · 31/07/2019 09:51

What is a mentee?

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 31/07/2019 09:53

Sounds like he was groping her. I'd lose what trust and respect I had for him.
She should report him for sexual harassment.

Benjispruce · 31/07/2019 09:53

Ok so everyone knows what a mentee is? Someone put me out of my misery!