not to tell strangers where I'm from?

[FishCanFly]

I speak with a pretty unfortunate accent and this always prompts random people to ask where i'm from. Thing is - I don't want to say. I don't mind a friendly conversation, but i don't like giving out personal info to people i don't know. AIBU?

I think what would be really helpful is if people ask someone where they are from based on what they perceive as a 'foreign' characteristic and get the answer 'from [City A or Area B in country you are in]', they take that as an indication that either that is the case, or that the person, for whatever reason and as is their right, wants to 'identify as' coming from that place or does not want to discuss their nationality or heritage, and then not press the point further and find something else to chat about.

Oh, and don't feel offended or as if that person owes them a full account of their background.

(A lot of the time these questions are about 'placing' people. I do think people should have the right to 'place' themselves)

@JoannaCulpa- basically it's fine to ask if you are truly interested in the answer or you are trying to get to know someone properly (friend, colleague etc)

If it's a bullshit conversation starter like "You all right?" down South then it can feel othering and annoying and OP is fine to ignore or make up an answer. Some people are in the UK for very sad reasons and they don't owe strangers the explanation. People wouldn't see a stranger who is gender non-conforming, has a big facial scar or disabled and ask for details. People generally want to be seen as one of the group and don't need reminding that they are different- even if people think that they are being friendly by using words like exotic (who wants to feel like an animal in a zoo?)

@mumofatoddler that is shit what a racist bitch.

Does that lady happen to want to visit Yorkshire? Each different part of her can visit a different, scenic area? (Her head can go off The Humber Bridge at high tide though. Don't want to risk being caught! )

@CatteStreet Totally agree with that. Its rude not to accept the first answer given.

I am half Irish and was growing up in England when the IRA was bombing mainland England.

The trick is not to resent anyone asking you questions. Don’t suspect the worst of anyone. Have confidence in yourself. Don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder. Never be a victim.

Never be a victim.

Not RTFT but I sympathise! I have a European accent which is pretty tricky to place (not the typical accent of my fellow nationals :)) and it does annoy me when people ask where I am from within 5sec of me opening my mouth. However if they are generally being friendly and ask a bit later on in the conversation then I don't mind :) when people annoy me I just say 'Liverpool' and wait for them to ponder whether or not to say 'yes but where are you REALLY from' LOL

Teacher22 half irish? So born in england, with a parent who is Irish? From Northern Ireland?

Trust me. Those of us actually born in places like Derry but moved her for our own safety, with thick Derry accents were spat at, my nana attacked and refused service I shops and certain pubs. Treated like shit. When the IRA was bombing england.

No walking with confidence or refusing to be victim, stops that shit happening.

I am accepted far more, now my accent is mainly Yorkshire. But people still like to make jokes about my family being terrorists, or thick etc ince they find out.

I have had abuse on MN and told I was threatening someone cause I said I was from Derry. MN took 4 days to remove the accusations.

So dont tell me, it's easy to avoid if you have confidence and refuse to be a victim.

I sort of understand how you feel but people ask that of those they meet who hail from the UK. I'm a Londoner, have never lived anywhere else, and have been asked the same by English people, I may even have asked it myself tho' not the first question I ask!

It isn't always about accents, it's just interest and an ice breaker.

I am afraid I am one of those awful people who would ask but if you said you were from a British town I wouldn't press you further. It's just a conversation starter and I am genuinely interested in 1st/2nd gen experiences of being in UK (as well as being nosey too!). I am not aware that anyone has ever taken offence. I wouldn't make crappy jokes though and if the person obviously doesn't want to start a chat, I just end it. Last Summer we had a German family staying next to us on holiday (in the UK) - Dad worked in UK and wife/kids lived in Germany - it was interesting talking to them about life in Germany/working in UK/Brexit/Europe/dogs/other random stuff.

If I hear a British accent that is not local (I live in the South), I also tend to ask ("oh you are far from home...") and generally people are happy to chat. I thought I was just being friendly!

I have extended family in the North East of England that I frequently visit and have grown up being asked where I am from (and often "are you from London?" "er no") as I have a Southern accent. Culturally, people in the North are more likely to strike up a conversation than where I live in the South. It's never bothered me. In fact, I have always enjoyed it.

Never be a victim.

Haven't you read some of the racial abuse that people have had from strangers? Sounds like victim blaming if you think that people who are peed off with past racist abuse have a chip on their shoulder.

Mothership - full conversations including country of origin don't cause offence. It's when the other person ends the conversation after you name the country or make a racist quip about your country that makes people dread being asked by strangers.

@GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap Yes. I did some reading up. I’m cringing.

Im from liverpool and some ask if im scottish haha how different could those accents be

@pikapikachu yes I'm sure.

I was just trying to make the point that for some (British) people its just starting a conversation and/or curiosity not some darker motive. I don't know where ppl saying 'it's not a British cultural norm' are coming from frankly, they must have had pretty sheltered lives!

Sudden ending of the conversation might be ignorance on their part of the country and not wanting to say anything that would indicate their ignorance. That would be a quite British thing to do!

I'm sorry that any form of racism still exists here/anywhere. I thought as time went on and people generally learnt more about other cultures this would lessen but if anything it seems to have got worse!

@JoannaCuppa

JoannaCuppa

the money back for the cultural experience comment was bigoted, sarcastic and downright hostile. Where I live is not a homogenous tourist Disney to be taken the piss out of if not everyone performs in exactly the same way. The areas have their own distinct cultures, dialects and way of greeting people, for example.

Your posts are the epitome of white fragility.

Posters have talked about how bad it makes them feel when they’re asked ‘where are you really from?’ and you’ve accused them of fringe bigoted and hostile!

@Gilld69

When I was little we often used to take my cousin, who had a Geordie accent, on holiday with us to Cornwall and he would frequently be asked if he was German! He would get mightily miffed. I had great fun with that!

Acceptance and understanding should surely go all ways?

I think, the "compromise" COULD be, that if you absolutely need to ask where someone is from, you should accept when they say that they're from London. It's all you need to know, and they don't have to disclose anything else. Any more prying - and it becomes awkward even when you have no bad intentions.

And that woman who was pestering PP about passport and legal status Now that's being an absolute cow!

I think people are generally just interested - I would just say!

Yes- never ask where someone is really from.

Also, regarding associations with Russia - EE countries have very nasty and bitter history with Russia/USSR. So being "mistaken" for a Russian is pretty offensive. Ok, I get that Western people don't know our geography and history very well and maybe did not intend to be rude, but shouting "Privet" or making jokes about Russian spies is just... ignorance shining.

I have a weird accent. People can't tell where I'm from and often ask. Doesn't bother me one bit.

BiBabbles, what an amazing response.
I'm from UK but lived many years abroad and my kids are mixed race with very non-British names. We had a conversation recently about how they are perceived (we live in a rural part of the country with few non-Brits). They don't find the race thing as much of an issue as their names, which they have found make people treat them differently as if this somehow makes them more foreign. They're not foreign, they were born here and have English as their first language.
It's upsetting and disturbing to read some of these posts. I would apologise for all the gits who are my compatriots if it would make any difference. I love the multiculturalism of this country, and I desperately hope that once this Brexit bullshit is behind us, we'll go back to moving in the right direction and value people for who they are and not what they look like or sound like. I would much rather have many of you wonderful intelligent people living here than than the narrow-minded and uneducated morons who share my nationality.

AdverseCamber22 Really? Have there been no wars in the entire world since 1945 in which British people have killed people of other nationalities? Let go of WWII for god's sake, it's just embarrassing