AIBU not to dress up fancy dress for best mates birthday?

[clarissa469]

It's my best mates birthday in 2 weeks, she's got a night planned out for "pub golf" basically where you all dress as golfers and do a tally chart games etc

After some thought about it I really don't want to go out in a fancy dress golfers outfit. I have a few reasons, I'm short dumpy and chubby so I don't feel comfortable anyway. I literally I hate fancy dress (is that a bad thing?) I have anxiety about being on my own in the middle of the night dressed as a golfer maybe having a cry or something.

I told my friend and she said it's fine, apart from there's 8/9 other highly opinionated women also dressing up and they are the kind to wind you up etc about it especially if I say it's because I'm an anxiety sufferer. AIBU/selfish? Should I just grow up and wear the bloody outfit.. because I don't want too 😭

@ginghamtablecloths thankyou

@PanGalaticGargleBlaster Exactly

I have to admit, it's one of the easiest themes I've heard of

But OP if it worries you that much,I would possibly not go.

I love fancy dress but if i didn't i know I'd panic more at looking the odd one out

I like the wearing a polo shirt and a visor that you can take off, that's nice and simple.

@Neilsm so you don't know the difference between vanity in regards to yourself and being anxious about how your body looks/not liking your body?
Apology accepted. Thank you

What's wrong with the visor, gloves and inflatable club that was linked?
Not trying to be arsey honestly but surely that's a good compromise? You can just wear that with your jeans and converse and it means you don't need to miss the night.

@Neilsm do you want me to go into detail about how I hate myself and my body?
I'm pretty sure you know what vanity means as you used to the word.
You seem clever enough to type on this thread so I don't think I need to work it out for you. I think you're well aware. If not google is pretty helpful.

@Morgan12 you're right, think I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself. If I do go I'll definitely get a few props, visor, gloves etc

@Apolloanddaphne

"My DD went to play pub golf. The only thing she pulled people up on was if the wore jeans. That is a no no"

Your daughter sounds fun

Honestly, I would just borrow a couple of accessories that you can quietly put away in the course of the evening, leaving you relatively normally dressed. That way, you're showing that you're game, without going full tilt at it to the point that you're uncomfortable.

@Neilsm why would you use a word you don't understand then?

You googled body anxiety and nothing came up? Ok. Bye

@overnightangel DD is a lot of fun! It was a bunch of uni students out playing pub golf and i think she was the only one there who had ever golfed before. She was teasing those who wore jeans on their 'unsuitable' attire! No idea why you would think she was being serious.

Neilism - you're being a bit like a dog with a bone - op has stated she feels anxious about her body. A lot of people do. It doesn't mean she's vain. So perhaps give her a break?

Enjoy your eve however you spend it, you don't need to be forced to do a social thing you're not comfortable with. I refuse fancy dress invites as well. It's just not my thing.

Stay off social media for the following week to veer away from the photo aftermath.

Be good to yourself op, if you live near me we could hang out instead 

I think what Neilsm is getting at might be something similar to my 'photo-shy teenager' analogy upthread. Both the vain person and the anxious person place excessive emphasis and unrealistic expectation upon what other people think about how they look. Both believe that other people are far more interested in how they look, than those people actually are.

The motivation behind this and the associated feelings are very different however.

The 'wants to slip in quietly under the radar of others' attention and just fit in' person takes a middle path, so wears a passable, low-key version of the costume.

@Neilsm I never confirmed that when I said "body anxiety" that is was a diagnosis or the correct terminology or that I have to give you a definition of what I meant if it. Just because you're friends like wearing baggy polo tops doesn't mean do or will. Just by you saying that about your friends tells me you knew exactly what I meant. Anyway I'm not bickering with you on here so you can turn it round on me.

Take care

Honestly OP I have anxiety and am body conscious myself so understand, but you said yourself you would wear “jeans a top and vans/converse/something casual” I don’t really see how, if you swapped the jeans for other trousers, that would be that much different from golf attire! I think you are overthinking this WAY too much because you have got yourself in an anxiety loop. I think you kind of want to go as you don’t want to miss out on the fun, but are worried about what might happen. Believe me, as a seasoned “having a panic attack about stuff on a night out, husband coaxing me to go anyway so ending up going anyway” person - you will regret it if you don’t go, and I think you would wish you had dressed up and fully joined in if you didn’t as you would spend the whole night feeling left out.

Go if you want to, don’t if you don’t, go dressed up if you want to, don’t if you don’t, but my advice, as someone who has been in similar situations time and time again when I’ve got anxious over little bits of a night and the anticipation of those things beforehand has made me anxious and not want to go, my advice would be:
Wear what you were going to wear anyway but swap the jeans for other trousers (chord trousers hang in a very similar way to jeans if you are worried about your shape) and then grab a woollen jumper which you can have in a bag/round your waist for travel and round your shoulders when done. Boom, sorted.

But you have to do what is best for you - yes you are being oversensitive but it’s not your fault, it’s your anxiety causing your head to get fixated on the negatives and the things you don’t like rather than the good bits and the potential positives of dressing up. You won’t look any worse than anyone else if you dress up I can promise you, BUT I also know it’s next to impossible to believe that once you have your head in a negative space. Take a breather, talk to your friend calmly about your worries and hopefully they will understand. You’ve got this. X

@howdyalikemenow thankyou

I kind of get you Op

If you do venture out I'd go inflatable golf club

And large VW badge around your neck

@Nosquit that's really great advice, you sound so like me when you have a panic wobble before a night out!

Thank you

@MarthasGinYard I like it

For comparison for shape: www.glenmuir.com/pages/golf-apparel-news/our-top-5-female-golfers

And they all look great imho.

clarissa469 it’s a situation I know very well as I said. If you need a chat I’m here. It’s a difficult situation for someone with anxiety, as no one really understands. Even others with anxiety we are all different. Just try not to overthink too much. Only you can make the final decision. (And notice I said try - I know how hard it is.)