AIBU not to dress up fancy dress for best mates birthday?

[clarissa469]

It's my best mates birthday in 2 weeks, she's got a night planned out for "pub golf" basically where you all dress as golfers and do a tally chart games etc

After some thought about it I really don't want to go out in a fancy dress golfers outfit. I have a few reasons, I'm short dumpy and chubby so I don't feel comfortable anyway. I literally I hate fancy dress (is that a bad thing?) I have anxiety about being on my own in the middle of the night dressed as a golfer maybe having a cry or something.

I told my friend and she said it's fine, apart from there's 8/9 other highly opinionated women also dressing up and they are the kind to wind you up etc about it especially if I say it's because I'm an anxiety sufferer. AIBU/selfish? Should I just grow up and wear the bloody outfit.. because I don't want too 😭

@FenceFuckery

What an awful story Fence, sorry you lost your friend!

I completely agree though. There was a thread a few months ago about someone who REALLY didn't want to wear pink for a hen. Most people said 'wear black with a pink bracelet' which is terrible advice.

I'd be inclined to stay at home clarissa - fancy dress is not for everyone, in fact many of us dislike it intensely and that doesn't make us miserable sods, it's just not our cup of tea. Just say that you are unable to attend and leave it at that. Find some kinder friends.

I don’t understand all the people saying you have to stay at home if you don’t dress up. It’s not the school disco where you have to look the same as all your friends or risk social death. It’s a pub on a Saturday night where everyone will be wearing what they want to wear, and if it’s anything like my local there will be everything from gorilla suits to full on glam to farmer dungarees.

Dh and I used like dressing up and went to and had fancy dress parties. The people, who didn’t dress up did stick out and have the piss taken in a jovial way- they had the funds to do it btw.

I understand you dont like it. I think in your position I would do as others have suggested and accessorise.

Omg my grammar. Changed the sentence half way thru and didn’t reread. 😱😂😂

A golfing outfit isn’t in any way outrageous, I don’t really see what the big deal is. I would use this opportunity to gently confront your inhibitions. If you were my friend I’m afraid I would consider you a bit of a party pooper. Loosen up a bit.

@Neilsm it's really far from vanity. It's body anxiety and I fucking hate golf.

As for people mentioning the "crying" thing I was just trying to be funny, I do suffer from anxiety but I did laugh imagining myself sat on the kerb with a soggy kebab and a deflated blow up golf club.

If you think you might cry

I'd bunker off this one

Stay in have some Tee

No one can FOURS you

You're an adult. You no longer have to do things you don't want to (except things like working and pay taxes).

This.

Oh and anyone who winds you up etc about it, especially if you say it's because you're an anxiety sufferer, is a c*nt. I think I would be tempted to give the whole evening a miss just on that basis.

But that's easy for me to say, my own best friend would just accept/not mind being told straight that I ain't dressing up etc.

@PixieLumos yeah exactly that's the problem! I'm not normally a party pooper, I even messaged her saying I hope you don't think I'm trying to make it all eyes on me like ooh look it me all glam whilst you all look like fannies in golf outfits.

What a shite theme though, I hate fancy dress but friggin golf 🙄 I might go as the golf ball.. I'm the right shape for it

@MarthasGinYard love it

Who knows, these 'highly opinionated women' may actually be a laugh and you might enjoy yourself.

Honestly you’re being a bit ridiculous and attention-seeking.

Golf is literally one of the easiest to do, no matter your shape and/or size.

Refusing to dress up, worrying about crying - it’s very me, me, me. The night is about your friend!

Just wear a polo shirt and a jumper sling around your shoulders or don’t go! Don’t ruin it for your friend.

I’m sure she’d rather you didn’t go than be a misery guts all evening!

Maybe suggest that you and her do coffee and cake, or a dinner or something.

I’d just skip it all together, sounds like my idea of a nightmare.

@Neilsm is there any need to be an arse?

Just because I didn't go into detail or word it correctly for you. I am anxious about my body. And I don't want to wear a golf outfit and need a way around it, Please explain how that makes it about vanity? In fact don't. If you don't have any funny advice or something genuinely helpful leave it out.

What are you actually planning on wearing? There is a difference between leaning slightly into a theme and actually going all out the opposite way. Especially for something easy enough to give a nod towards, like 'golfer.'

@IvanaPee I know and the fact that I'm coming across attention seeking is the part that's making me freak out! I don't want to come across that way at all! Maybe I should just leave it if I'm coming across as being a diva

Just don’t go. Do go to get some help though.

Honestly, either dress up and join in, or don’t go. You’ll stand out more as the one who didn’t make any effort...

@alittleprivacy if I was going probably jeans a top and vans/converse/ something causal! I'm not going to go. Apparently I'm being a bit attention seeking and a bit flimsy and sensitive. Probably best of staying at home in my pjs. Probably will draw more attention now to the fact that I'm not there and I'm at home feeling sorry for myself because I'm too much of a shit bag to wear a golf out fit! Can't win!

Thanks for everyone's advice. I'll be getting a dominoes and staying in.

@clarissa469 that’s a bit dramatic! 🙄

You really can’t throw a bright coloured jumper over your shoulders? Really??

@IvanaPee jheeze hun I'm trying to not be dramatic all together, I can't win 😂. Wearing a golf outfit is dramatic. Yes I could throw a colourful jumper on but I've decided not to go now, thank you anyway 🥳

As fancy dress themes go a golf theme is pretty harness and easy to to do. If you really don't do fancy dress then just don't go. Turning up and making zero effort is pretty poor form and you are going to stand out even more as the person who could not be bothered.